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Low Self Esteem Issue 16
"Love, Relationships & Marriage"
Written By : Sarah Amy Freitas
Sep. 19th, 1997
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There's a lot of bad things that can happen when you fall in love, and most
of us (including me) can't help falling in love with someone. That's perfect-
ly okay, as long as the person you fall in love with loves you back. But if
not, you're in a bad situation! You just can't stop thinking about this per-
son, but they don't even know you exist. Or even worse, the person hates you!
I've had that happen before, LOTs of times, and believe me it hurts! I'll
divide this article into three sections
Section 1: Not finding anyone
Section 2: Finally finding someone and then getting dumped
Section 3: Unhappy marriages
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Section 1: Not finding anyone �
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That describes my love life. Nothing. I just can't find anyone. No matter
what I do, boys are not interested in me. So what should I do? I asked myself
that question and came with an obvious answer. And that answer is - "Don't be
interested in them!" If they don't like you, just don't like them. Hahaha.
It's not as easy as it sounds. I can say that from experience.
I try not to pay attention to the boys. I try not to look at the boys. I try
not to THINK about the boys! But I can't stop, no matter what I do.I have im-
proved a little though. Whenever I catch myself staring at a boy or wishing I
had a boyfriend, I tell myself, "Sarah, you'll never have him" and try to
turn my attention to other things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
When a person can't find someone that loves them back, they get very lonely
and have a lot of time on their hands. So they sit at home and write meaning-
less newsletters while everyone is out partying! ;)
Having no boyfriend/girlfriend has it's advantages and disadvantages. There
are definitely more disadvantages. But there's one advantage that's not re-
placeable. And that's being able to spend more time with same-sex friends.
If you really think of it, you might realize that you have more fun spending
time with same-sex friends than with someone of the opposite sex. You can
laugh and joke together and do things that you all enjoy, without having to
be awkward. You don't have to worry about impressing the person you're with.
You don't have to be nervous. Just having FUN! I've realized that I have more
fun hanging out with girls than with boys. Maybe you can relate to me, maybe
you can't.
I can't say that I don't want a boyfriend. You might get that idea from rea-
ding this. But if I found a boy who actually liked me, I'd fall for him. I
would be overjoyed. The reason I'm trying to give up looking for boys is that
there isn't much chance of me finding one.
Of course there are the disadvantages of not having a boyfriend/girlfriend..
It's terrible when all your friends have dates or go to parties with their
boyfriends, and you're all alone at night. Or when there's some big dance at
school, and you have no one to go with. Or when you'd like a kiss or would
love to hear an "I love you", but there's no one that would. I won't write
anymore about this, I don't wanna depress anyone. I'm getting depressed just
writing it.
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Section 2: Finally finding someone and then getting DUMPED �
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So you've finally found a boyfriend/girlfriend! Great!! The relationship is
going fine. You're in love. Then, things start going downhill. It starts with
little things, then they get worse, and then.. you get dumped.
That's one of the worst feelings in the world. Especially if you love this
person very strongly, and they know that. You're so sweet to this person,
you'd give them the world if you could, and be their servant.
But they don't care about you or your feelings. Unless they're one of those
rare people who find it harder to dump someone than to get dumped. I'm one of
those people. I'd NEVER NEVER NEVER dump someone. There's not very many of
us, though. Only losers, like me, who would be so happy to find someone who
loved them back, they wouldn't want to let them go!
Why do people get dumped? There are many different reasons, but I think the
most popular reason is getting left for someone else. Your boyfriend/girl-
friend finds someone who they like more than you, and you're yesterday's gar-
bage. That's the kind of dumping that hurts the most.
I think the next most-popular reason is fighting about different things. It
can be about anything: sex, not spending enough time, not liking the same
things, etc. But whatever it is, it still hurts.
People that can't get a boyfriend/girlfriend don't have to worry about being
dumped. It's one of the advantages of not having one. But it still hurts not
to have one.
So is there any medicine that can cure the hurt from being dumped? Nope,
there isn't. Emotional pain isn't like physical pain. You can't just take an
Advil. Actually, there is a way to help the pain.. but it can't destroy it.
And that's alcohol or drugs. That can either help or make the emotional pain
worse. They'd help by turning your mind to other things, but sometimes it
can make the pain seem even more worse than it really is. Plus, they can get
you addicted and create more problems. And I'd prefer alcohol to drugs if
you're going to use them as your "medicine".
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Section 3: Unhappy Marriages �
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Okay.. so you and your boyfriend/girlfriend were so much in love that you got
MARRIED! Congratulations on your wedding! The cake was delicious! Mmmm.. cho-
colate. :)
Well after a few months the magic wears off. You start fighting about the
littlest things - food, clothes, dishes, where to go, etc. The fighting gets
worse and more frequent as time goes on. You don't talk for days at a time.
Then you make up. Then you fight again. This cycle keeps going until divorce
finally comes up.
This is how over half of the marriages in the U.S. end. I'm not sure what the
statistics are now, but I know that the divorce rate is very high. Maybe 60-
70% of all marriages (at least in the U.S.) end before 5 years. Divorce also
causes a lot of pain and hurt. It's worse than being dumped by a boyfriend/
girlfriend.
I'm sure you know at least 10 couples or more who got divorced or have unhap-
py marriages. And if you're asked to name 10 couples who have great marria-
ges, you'll take a lot more time to find them. I think I know one.. maybe
two.. couples who have the perfect marriage. Most of my friends' parents are
divorced or seperated, or constantly fighting. Like my parents, they're con-
stantly fighting. My house is a war zone. It's not a nice situation to live
in.
So with the divorce rate so high, I don't know why anyone would be crazy e-
nough to try their luck at marriage. You might think, "Oh, that would never
happen to me, my love is perfect." Well, think again. And even if the divorce
doesn't happen right away, marriages usually turn bad sooner or later.
There's this one lady I know, and I think she's the smartest person in the
world. She is around 35 years old, and she's never been married. She's not a
loser either! She's very beautiful and she has men drooling after her every-
where she goes! But she knows that marriage is a big mistake and she only has
boyfriends, not husbands.
Because if you get in a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend, it's much easi-
er to break up than with a marriage. OK, I'm done babbling for now..
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Quote of the Day: "Last night I dreamed I was a butterfly ... or am I a
butterfly today dreaming that I'm a human?"