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                         ________           ____
             <---------- issue #9 ---<->--- 5/96 ---------->
                         ~~~~~~~~           ~~~~
          typed, edited, originated, and plagiarized by: rapeman

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it's far too early in the morning for me to be attempting to think of a
good way to open this issue.  i suppose this way is as good as any.  ack.
i talked to my grandmother today.  i told her about zen buddhism.  now
she seems to think that i'm in a cult with a leader by the name of 'zen'.
christ.  i told her that i respected the unibomber and she told me that
i was going to end up in a mental institution.  damn relatives.  
enjoy the issue, you sons of bitches.

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        "In 1965, there were only three clubs in Hollywood that meant 
anything in terms of being seen by a record company, all of them owned by the
same 'ethnic organization.'
        "One of them was called the Action, one was called the Trip, and the
other was the Whiskey-a-Go-Go.
        "The Action was a place where actors and television personalties
went to hang out with hooker; the Whiskey was the permanent residence of
Johnny Rivers, who played there for years; and the Trip was the big showplace
where all the recording acts played when they came to town - Donovan, the
Butterfield Blues Band, Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs; bands like that all
played there.
        "There were a few other clubs in town, but they didn't have the same
status as those places.  A new group coming to work on the circuit would 
start at the Action; then, maybe on Johnny River's day off, they could play
at the Whiskey (but they wouldn't get their name on the marquee, which would
still say "Johnny Rivers"), and, if they got a record contract, they got to
play in the Trip.  We eventually landed a job at the Action.
        "On Halloween night 1965, during the break before the last set, I was
sitting on the steps in front of the place, wearing khaki work pants, no
shoes, an 1890s bathing shirt and a black homburg hat with the top pushed up.
        "John Wayne arrived in a tux with two bodyguards, another guy and two
ladies in evening gowns - all very drunk.
        "Reaching the steps, he grabbed me, picked me up and started slapping
me on the back, shouting, "I saw you in Egypt and you were great ... and then
you _blew me!"
        "I took an immediate dislike to the guy.  Remember, all kinds of show
people went to this club, from Warren Beatty to Soupy Sales, so it wasn't
unusual for someone like "the Duke" to show up.
        "The place was packecd.  When I got up on stage to begin the last 
set, I announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, it's Halloween.  We
_were_ going to have some important guests here tonight - we were expecting
George Lincoln Rockwell, head of the American Nazi Party - unfortunately, he
couldn't make it - but here's _John Wayne_."
        "As soon as I said that, he got up from his table, stumbled onto the
dance floor, and started to make a speech.  I leaned the microphone down so
everyone could hear it; something along the lines of " - and if I'm elected,
I promise to..." At that point, one of his bodyguards grabbed him and made
him sit down.  The other one handed the microphone back to me and told me
to cool it or there was going to be BIG TROUBLE.
        "At the end of the show, the manager of the club came over to me and
said, "Be nice to the Duke, because when he gets like this he starts throwing
fifty-dollar bills around."
        "I had to pass his table on my way out.  As I went by, he got up and
smashed my had down of top of my head.  I took it off and popped it back out.
This apparently annoyed him, as he shouted "You don't like the way I fix
hats?  I've been fixin' hats for forty years."  I put it back on my head and
he smashed it down again.  I said, "I'm not even gonna give you a chance to
apologize," and walked out."

- Frank Zappa from the book "The Real Frank Zappa Book".  go buy it.  it's 
  a great read whether or not you like his music.

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                   ! 25 TRENDY NEW BODY MODIFICATIONS !
                            -(IHOP inspired)-


1.  Temple Piercing.  Not only do you get to look "cool", but you receive
    a free lobotomy.  If you want this, you deserve it.

2.  Nipple Removal.  Damn Pink Floyd fans.

3.  Spinal Cord Piercing - for the parapalegic in you.

4.  Full Digestive Tract Piercing - straight up the anus and out the mouth.
    Optional apple-shaped screw-on tips for that "roasted pig" look.

5.  Dual Eardrum Piercing.  Optional arrow-shaped screw-on tips for that 70's
    Steve Martin "wild and crazy guy" look.  

6.  Castration - for your castrati inner-child.

7.  Decapitation.

8.  Eyeball Deflation.

9.  Full-Body Bone Removal.  Never bother with walking again.  Great excuse
    for laziness!

10.  Eyelid Removal.  Great for that "permanently surprised" / "deer in
     headlights" look.

11.  Nostril Reduction.

12.  Serial Number Tatoos On Forearm - for that sought-after "concentration
     camp" look.  Great at parties!

13.  Brain Reduction - for the Pat Buchanan in you.

14.  Tongue Removal.  Great for Helen Keller impersonations.

15.  Full-Body Scarification.  Great for Challenger crew impersonations.

16.  Limp Amputation.  Amputease me, baby!

17.  Ass-Cheek Fusion.

18.  Nostril Dilation.  Get closer to your primate origins!

19.  Full-Body Skin Removal.

20.  Vaginal Augmentation - more closely resemble your favorite female
     porn-stars!

21.  Lip Removal.  Have a fierce Nancy Kerrigan smile.

22.  Tooth Removal.  Give better blow-jobs!

23.  Cranial Beret Implantation - for the art-fag in you.

24.  Testicle Augmentation - for the John Wayne in you.

25.  Chlorophyl Injections - for that "vegetative" look.


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as with everything that i put in here, feel free to ask me questions relating
to the issue.  

send me your text.  if i like them they will be published.  

contact me at the distro sites:  
                                vip------------------(214)494-1024
                                negativland----------(214)867-1914
                
although you can't contact me
through these bbses any longer
due to lack of funds, call them
nonetheless:                    hacker's haven-------(303)343-4053
                                one jillion degrees--(817)732-3457
                                the nine hells-------(817)346-3370

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YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW IT, YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN LOVE IT OR HATE IT,
YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST INDIFFERENT LIKE THE REST OF THE FUCKERS -                        
                         
                         !THE OBLIGATORY BBS AD!

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                       (information overload unit)  
                              
                              (it's a bbs)
                              
           "more textfiles than drugs in Keith Richard's urine"

                              214/you/wait




grp_eot