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http://www.angelfire.com/zine2/felney/  September 2003

Introduction: Welcome to the all new Felney magazine,
youre probably wondering why i want to produce a text
ezine when felney is already a comic strip, well lets
just say i was reading through old issues of ezines
like SWAT and my own FAT magazine, and got nostalgic.
Unlike those zines though, this will not feature info
on stuff like making bombs and weapons and other
"anarchy articles", that isnt what anarchy is about.
alough i am an anarchist this mag will probably not
include much on the political side of anarchism either.
Im just an idealist who wants a better world without
having to think about what will be needed to get
there, and what problems there might be. So anyway,
this mag will mainly be about various political rants
on things i find stupid or unjust, funny articles
and chat logs, misc quotes, stuff about sexuality
(maybe including the odd erotic story..hehe), and of
course information on making cool shit (which may or
may not involve fire and explosions, but they wont be
bombs!. The zine should be created..whenever ive made
enough stuff to fill it. Im gonna try and make it monthly
but there wont be a regular updating schedule, we
all know what happened to the regular updating schedule
of the felney comic after all!.
   //
O==o:::::::::::::::::::> Deathbringer
   \\
(yes i know the N is backwards!)

CONTENTS:
1-In the news
1.1-David kelly
1.2-Witcham toll
1.3-Weed

2-Red and black
2.1-Democratic reforms

3-Sexuality
3.1-Different sexualities

4-Fun files
4.1-Messing with mcdonalds

5-Chat

6-The garden shed
6.1-Simple fireball device

7-Reader's Letters

8-Cool Lyrics
8.1-Religious Con

9-Links

10-Wrap Up


               ________ ________
              |daily   v sport  |
              |truth   |========|
              |========|========|
              |===IN THE NEWS===|
              |========|========|
              |========|========|
              |________|________|

In this section i will write poorly-justified idealistic
anarchist rants about current (local or national..or
international if they are relevant) news stories. If
youre patriotic, in governent or easily offended,
just skip this section, and the next one come to think
of it.

DAVID KELLY:
Has anybody noticed how in a lot of news items his death
is always referred to as "alleged suicide", do they know
something we dont?, well, actually, he knew what a huge
amount of the british public knows (70% is pessimistic)
-that there was no need to go to war in iraq, over 50
british troops have been killed there since 'hostilities
ended' (whatever that was supposed to mean), and blair
doesnt give a shit, he just wants to kiss the arse of
his boss, dubya bush. As for the reason he attacked
iraq, there are many possible reasons and explanations,
"to protect from terrorism" is one of the least
plasuible ones!
(Incedentally, though they keep 'reminding us' of
the september 11th attacks, they conveinently
forget to mention they still havent caught the guy
behind them!)

WITCHAM TOLL:
In case you dont know (and havent read felney), witcham
toll is a junction on a busy road coming out of Ely, it
has been known as an accident blackspot for ages, and
it seems not a week goes by without some new crash there
(even a guy in my old class had his escort written off
there). But the local council still refuses to put
in a roundabout, which is what the place desperatley
needs. They instead put down shit like traffic islands
and 'saftey strips' (red paint on the road) thinking it
would solve the problem. Except 4 HOURS after work
finished there was another accident there..useless fuckers!

WEED:
So, yes, another "Major step" in the campaign to
legalise weed was made this month..or was it? Wasnt that
same step (ie people caught carrying small amounts are
cautioned, not arrested) made in early 2002?, all they
do is relax the laws for a few months, then toughen them
again for a few months, to make us think that we're getting
somewhere when really theyre making minor 'lip-service'
changes then reversing them back to the status quo again,
well fuck that! Legalise it!

ID NUMBERS:
Blair now says he supports the idea for every child in
the UK to be given an ID number so they can be tracked
and it can be found out who they live with, where they
live and what state they are in at any time..i dont
think i even need to start explaining whats wrong with
that..pretty soon children will become bits of fancy
furniture for the parents to show off to friends,
childhood will become an 18-year imprisonment and they
wont be allowed to make friends, associate with anyone
or go outside the house, except to be taken to school
and locked inside there..Incedentally, i suppose when
they reach 18 (or i can see the government putting the
age of 'adulthood' up to 21 or even higher soon) will
they have thier ID number removed and be allowed some
privacy and basic human rights and freedoms..thought not!

              ____________________
             |      RED        ##|
             |       &       ####|
             |     BLACK   ######|
             |           ########|
             |         ##########|
             |       ############|
             |     ##############|
             |   ################|
             |_##################|

The red and black section of the zine will be dedicated
to various political theories and ideas. Now i may be
an anarchist but the first article describes a reformed
political system which still has a government, it just
gives the people far greater control over thier country.

DEMOCRATIC REFORMS:
This was a political system i was thinking about one
day in the bath or something, which is in fact a bit
like the one we have today, except the people have a lot
more power over the government. Today people can vote
for the party they want to lead the country, and then
if that party gets in the person may be happy at the
start, until the party starts doing whatever it wants
and theres pretty much nothing the person can do about
it until 4 years later when they can vote for someone
else. A recent example is of course new labour, now
traditionally labour is the party of the workers, but
now theyre in power blair has distanced himself from
the trade unions, carried on privatisation which was
started by the tories. Not to mention the promised bans
on foxhunting, and the repeal of section 28, both of which
never happened. Anyway, this system of politics would
essentially allow the people to vote on all the major
decisions made by thier party. Everybody who registers
to vote gets an electronic voting card, and polling
stations would be automated, modern facilities where
the voter swipes thier card at the door to show that
they are voting in the currently running poll. They
then go in and put thier card into a computer (cards
would have a unique serial number, not a name and
address ect, to keep votes anonymous). They then choose
various options from a touch-screen monitor or similar
system, it could also include links to information
pages from people who represent the different viewpoints,
a bit like the leaflets that you get through the door
at election times now. The polls wouldnt just be to
to elect a representative though, they would be on a
range of subjects which have been through parliment
that week (incedentally, the house of lords would be
abolished in this system, you cant call it a democracy
when unelected people can shoot down anything they dont
like before it becomes law!) Recent polls could have been,
for instance "Do you want britain to go to war in iraq?",
and "should the prime minister resign over the death of dr
david kelly?". the winning outcome of the vote would then
be what the government must do. General elections would
still be mandatory every 4 years, but at least twice every
year the people should be able to vote on weather they
want to call a general election early, if they disagree
with the party that is in power enough. When an election
happens it would be done in the traditional way of putting
a cross on some paper, and being hand counted, to ensure there is
no errors which could happen with computerised systems.
Whenever an election is held there would also be a box
saying something like "I have no confidence in any of
these candidates" (or some other posh variation on "none
of the above"), if enough people chose that it might convince
the government to get thier act together. So, i think
that this type of way of running government would be a lot
closer to the sprit of democracy than todays way of
choosing someone to represent your views, and if they do
something different then tough luck. Of course a system
like this would never be implemented, because it would give
"the plebs" too much power...

       _______
      /  ____/
     /  /___
     \___   \EXUALITY
     ____/  /..yer laws do not apply to me!
    /______/

This section will include stuff like poorly-written
erotic stories (or i'll just steal them), rants about
the 'depoliticisation' of the gay community, sexy chat
quotes or something else entirely. But i cant think of
anything to put in it now, so you'll just have to have
this:

Hetrosexual: You like the opposite sex

Homosexual: You like the same sex

Bisexual: You like both sexes

Pansexual: You like the person whatever sex they are

Omnisexual: ...the other one

  _________
_\        \____________
|_ FUN FILES____________///:::==-
  /________/
(anybody got a better idea for a logo for this
section, send it in!)
This section will detail fun stuff that you can do
to offend pompous right-wing people, such as anyone
from the fens, and have a laugh while doing it!

Messing with mcdonalds!:
Anti-capitalists have various ways of messing up
mcdonalds, from picketing outside (which makes people
think theyre soft), to totally fucking the place up
and kicking in all the windows (which makes people
think theyre mindless thugs). Anyway this file is
slightly inspired by the old "anarchists cookbook"
article on fucking up mcdonalds, but this one is less
psychotic and probably more fun, and better for offending
the people there.
First, get together some mates, around 4 or more should
be enough for this. Now go into the resturant wearing
wierd clothes (ie anarchy sign t-shirts, prefrably
ones youve made yourself, or goth gear if you want).
Sit some friends down and go up to the counter with
some others. Now EVERYBODY must want something different
specially a plain burger with nothing on it, because
thats what takes longest to make oddly (?). dont
forget to keep forgetting what everyone wants and
shouting back to your friends, who should be situated
as far away as possible. Once you get your 'food' not
having enough money is one tactic, but far better is to
pay them with too much, less hassle for you, much more
for them!. Now once youve all got sat down see if
somebodys left a newspaper behind (at one of them
in cambridge i went in there 3 times with my mates
and there was always a copy of the times on one table)
one of your group produces a marker pen and starts to
deface the pictures of politicians and royals. If
its the Sun turn to littlejohn and just write
"FUCKING SUBHUMAN" across the page in big black letters
and draw a swastika on his head. Then comes the
obligatory straw-cover fight, make sure you miss your
friends though and they go shooting off towards other
people. After this two of your mates (or you) who are
preferably the same sex decide that they prefer the
taste of each other to the food and start snogging
away in full view of the offended religous parents
and small children. If anyone complains call them
homophobic scum and maybe try and draw a swatika
on thier head in marker pen to show the world what they
are. Once youve finished eating one of you has to go
to the bog, where you can write offensive slogans like
"BASH THE FASH!" and "KICK HOMOPHOBES TO DEATH", or an
anarchy sign (use a different colour marker pen to the
one you where writing on the newspaper with).
Oh and dont forget to try bunging up the
bogs. Then before you leave one of your friends picks
up thier drink, you know, the one thats almost full,
takes a sip and announces "This tastes like SHIT!"
and clumsily chucks it in the bin, making a nice puddle
in front of it. Making sure to leave your defaced
paper in full view on the table of course. Then go
outside, get in the car, crank up Oi polloi to offend
everybody stting outside, and take off!, wasnt that fun!

         ___   __  __              _____
        / __|  | | | |      /\    |_   _|
       | |     | |_| |     /  \     | |
       | |     |  _  |    / /\ \    | |
       | |__   | | | |   / ____ \   | |
        \___|  |_| |_|  /_/    \_\  |_|

This section will include amusing chat quotes that pop
up in various IM or real life conversations, i may also
post transcriptions of "chats" i have on the phone
sometimes, we'll see

Tildeed: felney! I like that comic! It's so funny!
especially when things blow up *_*
-My boyfriend on Felney, i wish i'd met him when i
was still into really blowing things up LOL

crazyanarkist: [p;;'p[;'#''pol['p;'[p;
crazyanarkist: that was the sound of me cleaning coke
off the keyboard XD
-Me to my boyfriend while, er, cleaning coke off the
keyboard

"This train is for kings lynn, calling at waterbeach,
ely, shit.."
-Something from my brother's friend's band,
Shittleport anti peanises

"We dont have any fosters!" *Does a forward roll*
-My brothers friend again, in the tesco drinks aisle

"Minny!..minnyyy..no, im not gonna pick you up, you
can jump up now!"
-Me, to my cat as she stood next to the bed expecting
me to put her on it (she was recently recovering
from illness and wasnt strong enough to jump up to
things)

Him:
catfood has flavours now?
Me:
yes, LOL
Me:
according to the packages anyway
Him:
ah oki
Me:
it all looks the same XD
-Me and a mate on MSN, i changed
our names cause they where too long XD

       _______________
      //\\     THE    \
     //  \\  GARDEN    \
    //    \\    SHED    \
   //  ___ \\____________\
    | |   ||    ||   ||  |
    | |   ||    ||   ||  |
    | |   ||    =======  |
    | |   ||             |

This is the section where all those people who are
looking for "anarchy textz" will want to read, mainly
because it has nothing to do with anarchy. Though
stuff in this section may involve fires and explosions
i dont really call them "bombs", and i wont be adding
in instructions to make really destructive death-
-dealing devices. Killing and blowing up people are
activities which are done by the government and
terrorists, and i hate both of those types of people

SIMPLE FIREBALL:
If you want to make a cool-looking fireball to
impress your mates, this is the thing to use. Its
dead easy to make too!

You will need:
Two cheap plastic fag lighters
Kitchen roll
An open area

What to do:
Wrap up one of the lighters (make it about 2/3rds full
to give gas room to expand in, but so theres still
lots of fluid in it) with several layers of kitchen
roll. Light. Stand back

Notes: The temperature from the fire should boil the
lighter fluid and make it expand and form gases, and
eventually the temperature will melt a hole in the
side of the lighter and it will explode, making an
impressive fireball. Do this at night for maximum
effect!. A simpler version is simply to chuck one of
the cheap lighters onto a fire. Once you have lit
the paper, get back quite quickly, because it should
explode pretty fast. You should also use several layers
of kicthen roll so it is completley covered. Do this
in a large concrete area so that the fireball cant
set light to anything else, like grass or trees. Also
dont keep going back to the same shop to buy lighters
or someone might get suspicious, you can arouse 'less'
suspicion by buying about 5 of them in one go though

___   ___           ___   ___   ___ || ____
|   \ | __|   //\   |   \ | __| |   \  / __/
| _ / | __|  //_\\  |   | | __| | _ /  \__ \
|| \\ |___| //   \\ |___/ |___| || \\  /___/
_     ___   ____   ____   ___   ___   ____
| |   | __| |_  _| |_  _| | __| |   \ / __/
| |_  | __|   ||     ||   | __| | _ / \__ \
|___| |___|   ||     ||   |___| || \\ /___/

This section will have letters which have been
recived by readers of the mag, except this is the
first issue and its not even online as im typing this,
so theres nothing there yet!

         _______
     ___/       /                  _______
   /            __________________/       \
  |  ||=================================|| /
  |  ||=================================||/
  |   THIS MONTHS COOL SONG LYRICS
  \_____
        \_______\

This section will basically just have some song lyrics
in it every month. This month its "Religious con" by
Oi polloi, from scotland

"Every person must submit to the authorities for the
existing authorities are instituted by God, consequently
anyone who rebels is resisting a divine institution and
those who so resist have themselves to thank for the
punishment they will receive - for Government has no
terrors for good behaviour. You wish to have no fear of
the authorities? Then continue to do right and you will
have their approval for they are God's agents working
for your good."

Church and state - lies and hate
Religious con goes on and on
Tell the people to serve the rich
Rape the earth - burn the witch

See thourgh the lies and it all becomes clear
Young children's minds guided by fear
Of a God who demends you obey
And spend your life forever slaving away
Give to the church with its wealth piled high
While outside the starving millions die
And then they bless you as you're marched off to war
To die for the rich in their struggle for more

"Man shall not lie with man for it is an abomination
in the sight of the Lord"

This bigoted crap is fuckin absurd
I'll take a shit on your holy word
Contraception is a sin says the Vatican
Patriarchal bullshit - their God is a man
Witch hunts and crusades - how many millions have died
In the bloody history of church genocide?
Anthropocentric bullshit has had its day
Respect the earth and bring back the old ways

No church and no state - love not hate
Feel the power of the stones and the earth in your bones
We'll be one people, no poor and no rich
Respect the earth, relearn the wisdom of the witch

        ______       ______
     __/______\_____/______\__
     ___|____|_LINKS_|____|___
       \______/     \______/

This month's cool link: http://stalechocolates.keenspace.com
Its a webcomic which linked to felney, and its pretty
cool, about a girl who thinks she's a lesbian but has
really hateful homophobic parents..string em up!

This month's shit link: http://www.bnp.org.uk
They want to make a new nazi government in britain

Other good ones:

http://www.swateam.org
The magazine that inspired Felney magazine, it contains
information on explosives, phreaking, hacking, revenge
and general mischeif, exploits and scams..frankly, ALL
the fun stuff!. You cant get the zine anymore though,
just a 'c00kb00k' compiling all thier best articles,
theres even one from me in there

http://boymeetsboy.keenspot.com
The new address of boy meets boy, the best webcomic
ever made

http://www.gtavicemods.com
Want to drive new vehicles and visit new areas in
vice city but dont wanna mess around with all the stuff
you traditonally had to do to install GTA mods? well
now there's VCMM!, it finds and downloads mods from
thier servers and you can install and remove them with
two clicks, all you need is the game and youre set!

_      _  ___           ___     _   _   ___
\\    // |   \   //\   |   \    ||  || |   \
\\/\//  | _ /  //_\\  | __/ == ||  || | __/
  \/\/   || \\ //   \\ ||       \\__// ||

Well thats it for the first issue of Felney magazine.
E-mail me if you have any comments on the zine, good or
bad, but remember i dont read emails that are written
by idiots, so your "U><0r 4r3 fag><0r" mail is unlikley
to stop the zine from being made. Perhaps the next issue
of the zine will come out towards the end of october,
depends if i have enough stuff to put in it, of course
if people send stuff in it'll be a lot more helpful.
The general guidelines for submission arent too strict,
as long as its not anything which is likley to get me
deleted from my host its okay. Also for the "In the
news" section im thinking maybe some people might
want to write stuff for that every month, like a news
paper columnist. If you think you could write a few
short pecies on news stories every month send an email,
nomatter what your political beleifs are (though if
youre pretty right wing you will probably end up
contradicting everything else in the mag). Another thing
im thinking about is splitting the mag up into seperate
text files, like SWAT used to, again, give me an email
so i can decide what to do!

Contact info:
E-mail and MSN: m_deathbringer@hotmail.com
AIM: crazyanarkist
Main felney webpage: http://felneycomic.keenspace.com
Felney zine webpage: http://www.angelfire.com/zine2/felney/

Disclaimer:
Building items from the "garden shed" section of the
mag is dangerous and shouldn't be attempted without
great care, for more information you must first join the
robot wars club...er...i mean i take no reponsibility
if something from this zine gets you injured or beaten
up, which lets face it is highly likley if youre a
non-straight anarchist in this country, specially
if youre in the Fens. So dont do anything this mag
says, just pretend you never read it!

   //
O==o:::::::::::::::::::> Deathbringer
   \\