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+ doomed to obscurity + special number 1 + august 11th, 1995 +
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d8888' `88uu88' d8b d8b d8b d8b b88887 86b d88888b d888b d8b m0g
+ dummercon '96; the review - "so 'leet it was a year ahead!" +
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ intro
+ churned out by - mogel
this whole silly t-file is basically a little memory-saving ditty
that we're doing in honor of dummercon '96. yes, it did happen in '95.
like the slogan says, we're ahead of our time. at any rate, i don't wanna
ramble too much since this file is basically a huge collection of rambles
already.
if you have a short attention span, you might find this file boring.
heck, if you have a long attention span, you might find this boring.
however, this file is under the very final word on dummercon's point; which
is that it "served it's purpose well." dig them cookies?
anyhow, this all might be pretty pointless. who knows.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ the dummercon '96 hype file
+ exploited by - black francis and mogel
for those that have no idea _what_ dummercon was, here's a clipping
of the t-file tossed around for the event:
+--- dto ---+
what is dummercon '96?
======================
dummercon '96 will _basically_ be a two-day dealy-deal formulated and
conceived of for the sole purpose of disgusting all of the modem warriors in
the e'zine scene by introducing us to each other, or at least whoever shows
up.
day one - (optional jammy) lollapalooza! that's right. some wise
dummercon folks decided it would be pretty keen to catch lollapalooza in
philly on july 30th, which is the day before dummercon! wowza. if you want
to go, there will be a nice sized caravan heading on up to the camden
waterfront park, so transportation will be no problem. you just need to
snatch yourself some tickets. black francis and courtney love within a
miles radius of each other? would you even dare miss it?
day two - the dummercon festivities (which we will go into detail
with shortly)!
although we will actually be having conversations on e'zines, ideas,
and progressing things we might be doing, the meeting is also amazingly
intended to be a social event. we're assuming this isn't a big deal and no
one coming to this deal will be some ansi dewdleboy that spends most of his
suburban life trapped up in his room because mommie and daddy don't 'get'
why he spends every waking hour drawing a picture of calvin and hobbes with
colored blocks on his computer. no none of those guys here, no sir.
there are actually activities planned and raddy-rad things in the
works. if you have any suggestions, you can contact us at the places
specified later in this file. amazingly enough, here are some of the events
that are being planned;
food, food, food! yeah, that's right, dummercon '96 is basically a
large scale computer-geek picnic. plenty of grub for _everyone_, even our
'husky' friends.
bobbing for warez! who can courier the warez out from the small tub
of water the fastest? only the elite shall survive! lamers will be
drowned!
fun! games! prizes! the big bag of dumb stuff raffle (come and
find out just what in blazes we're talking about)!
hang out with some of the coolest cats, like mogel, black francis,
and other e'zine guys! pretend you're elite enough to be our friends!
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ tale of events at duhcon
+ chronicled by - mogel
welp, i woke myself up at 10am and jumped in the shower. i proudly
grabbed my big bag of dumb stuff. i patted myself on the back and noted
that _my_ dumb stuff was truly fitting in the namesake. i waited about a
half hour and in typical frannie-fashion, he's late. i guess i can't really
complain as i wasn't the one driving or anything. hmph. i passed the time
by writing email to this chick that i wanted to show up that i had told
about the whole 'zine-deally-deal i ran. she never showed up. woe-is-me.
anyway, while waiting for me to grab some drinkage for 'the event', the
always seemingly charismatic and _energetic_ murmur (who came out from
illinois to join the event, along with going to see lollapalooza with many
of us) grabbed my 'boggle' game and spelled out 'warez' in a nifty diagonal
fashion. it was almost as if he was in some sort of a trance.
this was a sign of eliteness!
we drove to the dummercon site with a droning "_screw the permit!_"
chant just oozing out of out veins. and lateness, yes we were late.
what seemed like instants, we arrived at the site and greeted the
new jersey contingent who had arrived before us and were creating mass
anarchy. we made our introductions and i lead the crew to a nice picnic
table, whereupon we'd center the festivities.
rattle showed off the old cpu unit that was formerly tlorah. to my
surprise, many destructive games were created with the use of the
pieces inside. go figure. i smirked and booted up my handy labtop while
the nuts-o guys played their reindeer games. i also took a gander over at
eerie, who wasn't playing the 'alternative baseball' either, scribbling
something down on paper. those doodleboys are all the same. draw draw
draw!@
after some clever hax0ring of my 'puter via rattle and a bootable
game of dig dug, i brought up my good 'ol text editor and thus we created
the dummercon live t-file, seen later in this big jammy file.
the total turn out was a pathetic measly fifteen people. many, many
people that "were" gonna come, cancelled last minute-like. they suck.
still, dummercon turned out to be funky in it's own way, and it was exactly
what it was planned to be - a 'leet get-together.
arriving not too much later was the suburban pennsylvania contingent,
which included iceman, dead cheese, thalassocracy, and heroin girl. after
more silliness was exchanged, we had upon us other random local rad guys
that showed up to our surprise. eightball came from philly's own glorious
bus system, septa. also came gauss, some heather girl, and swallow (who
arrived saying "we knew this had to be dummercon 'cause there was some idiot
standing on a bench slamming himself with a 286.")
can you believe rattle doesn't like bubbles?! _everyone_ loves
bubbles. he's got problems.
after exchanging stories around the big ol' bench we seemed centered
upon, we came to compile everyone's contributions to the big bag of dumb
stuff. being the clever guy i am, i made sure that only me and frannie knew
the sum whole of what was in the bag. we figured it was a wacky way to get
rid of 'neat-o' junk that we didn't want, but held just enough attachment to
that they couldn't just 'toss' it. each person picked from the free-raffle
and the following prizes were distributed. 0-day. actually, in a tongue-
-and-cheek way, many people were happy with what they got. here's the
prize-list:
a richard pryor comedy album on record, a 'intel spentium' baseball
cap, old disks of dos 3.0, dragon's lair part 2, parody gothic-art by me,
a six-year-old slinky, the 'after the rain' nelson cd, a bell atlantic
coaster, live-audio tape of the first 'wizard comic awards', a wooden hippo,
a transformer toy, a green jello poster, a vanessa williams tape, neko's
pathetic 'wierd' magazine, a grampa cratchett poster, two boxes of candy
sticks, a cheap trick tape, a box of marshmellow bunnies, a child's play 2
bumper sticker, the melrose place soundtrack, the humpty dance single, a
cd-rom about seeds, _lots_ of apple iie stuff, a big ugly bookend, a
'caution, we floor' sign, a demo of thal's first band, a hand-held hockey
game, bootable digdug, a wooden puppet, some stupid eye-in-water toy,
a garbage pail kids starter pack, a heathfliff comic book, a gas pass,
snow's informer, an astronaut troll, a pencil sharpener that looks like a
nose, a gumby figure, and a leather whip.
in a strange way, dummercon was pretty festive and neat, even if it
was a bit too small. i'm sure it'll be a real big neat thing next year,
especially since we planned this year so badly and late. we left about an
hour early thinking everyone that was gonna show had shown and some people
left. unfortuantly, i found out the next day that whisper showed up mere
_minutes_ after we packed up and left only to find a group of asian kids
playing softball. we won't leave early ever again.
boy, am i satiated!
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ reflections
+ spazzed out by - murmur
dummer than thou.
uhm. what? yeah! i was at dummerkon#@! and all sorts of things
happened. here's my reflections.
well, i had the rather profound pleasure and good fortune of
spending a lovely and exciting four days in philadelphia with our good
buddy, black francis, boarding me for the whole while. i figure i may as
well tell you all what four days with frannie, four days out east, four days
of eliteness and phear are *really* like.
frannie's house and family weren't really *all* that exciting, but
his tiny little sister (well, i think she's two or something) is sort of
goofy and wacky, and she does say 'i phear mogel@#!'
i think i was at some party/gathering and met like the most elite of
d00dz there, too. like, thalassocracy and beck hansen and a whole pile of
others. i think it was at this girl mogel was going out with's house, but
actually, i forget who exactly were all at the party, or really even where
the party was, i just remember leeching freeze pops from their freezer.
now, that sunday, we had the incredible fortune of seeing:
lollapalooza@!#@! we completely missed the mighty mighty bosstones,
because, well, frannie was such a sweet guy we had to wait for velocity girl
(his girlie!@) to get home and be ready before any of us could go (and
somehow he was driving eight people across some river to new jersey). this
didn't bother us, although we almost missed half of the jesus lizard's set,
and that sort of annoyed me, cause i wanted to see the jesus lizard. but,
we were sufficiently far from the stage that it didn't matter, because even
*had* david yow done the 'tight and shiny' we couldn't have seen it.
now, beck was up next. beck was ok, but he kinda waned after a bit.
i think we went wandering off but came back when we heard 'loser' for some
bizarre reason. overall, i suppose his set was pretty rad. next up on the
main stage was elastica, but after only a couple songs we wandered over to
the second stage. now, i wanted to see elastica, but, once again, they
weren't a big ol' stadium band. so we went over to the second stage and
caught the last number from built to spill, which was pretty rad. then we
caught the beginning of superchunk's set. superchunk was *really* good.
it's a shame how they scheduled everyone.
oh, before i go on: it was me (i'm murmur@!#), black francis,
mogel, spiff, dead cheese, beck hansen, velocity girl, and some chick named
nykia (mogel's friend).
now, really, we hadn't done much wacky stuff yet. we hadn't gotten
up and really smacked into the pit yet or anything. but next up on the main
stage was: pavement!@@@ pavement ist rad!!#~!# they kicked off with
'silent kid' and we were grooving. at the time i had a rather nasty stomach
cramp (it was *hot* out there and i drunk too much coke. sharing a coke
would give beck hansen my strep throat##!) but my friends steve, steve,
scott, bob, and mark, they made up for it. because, as you know, pavement
ist rad@!# we got down, we jammed, and we screamed (well, i screamed) at
the assholes who were busy being drunk and not paying attention to america's
finest live band (slightly arguably, but not really.) they didn't do any of
my favorite wacky wacky wacky go nuts and hurt people songs (read: 'at{body}amp;t',
'serpentine pad', 'flux = rad!') but they did 'range life' and 'two states'
(sung with **feeling** by the one and only spiral stairs.) all-around rad,
i say.
well, pavement sort of stopped playing, and we went off again.
moby was on the second stage, and he was interesting, but not my cup of tea.
the group sort of disassembled some here and there, and some lollapalooza
things were being taken down, even. cypress hill took the main stage, which
really didn't mater much to anyone. they were ok, i guess. every song of
theirs was about marijuana.
well, moby finished up, and no one was left on the second stage, and
out on the first stage, here comes hole. well, black francis, he sticks his
middle fingers in the air and starts swearing at courtney love. and some of
us rad fellows, we sort of followed suit (beck hansen and myself.) and,
well, hole sucks. but lo and behold, it's beck@!#@ on the second stage!#@
and all he has is an acoustic guitar@! although his was a really quiet set,
it was the biggest surprise of lollapalooza for me. i thought it was pretty
damn rad. as soon as i get the dough, i'm gettin' a copy of that _one foot
in the grave_ cd he did a lot of stuff from. frannie, he no like it much,
but dead cheese, he do.
beck finished up, we wander back to the main stage where mogel and
nykia sit on a picnic blanket, and well, pretty soon, here's courtney love,
and she's singing nirvana's 'pennyroyal tea'. well, you know, i like
nirvana. and, well, 'pennyroyal tea' is my favorite nirvana song. so i
walk off the other way, middle fingers raised, shouting a whole lot more
than frannie did earlier. hole didn't get too much applause for that
number. in fact, even for hole, they were pretty terrible. i went and got
a lemon freeze thing. it dripped all over me.
so, i finish up, it's getting dark, and it's time for sonic youth#!@
and here comes steve and thurston and lee and kim and well, they rocked my
pants off@@ literally#@#! frannie didn't like the excessive
instrumentation, so, well, fuck frannie@#! it was rad as all hell! we were
centralized in the pit this time (as we had been for pavement) and actively
participated in some ass kicking and trashing of young punks. whilst
jumping for a balloon i pulled a rib muscle but rejoined the fray soon
enough. i proved my slam dancing virtues to be exquisite (or did i?) to
spiff and beck hansen and dead cheese and frannie who were all down there
with me. oh, i dug sonic youth wackier and wackier@! and i even knocked
down a gothic chick that went around slamming into people for no good
reason@#! yes!@
lollapalooza was really rad. pavement and sonic youth and beck and
superchunk were highlights. $3 for a coke and hole weren't the hottest
things, but the temperature was, sadly.
the rest of my trip was largely spent in frannie's house, where i
joined the rare and elite group that have read the fabled milk and cheese
comics. oh, that cheese is a wacky guy@#!@$# i also read a whole bunch of
other stuff that was lying around and frannie and i watched neko's movies,
which were rather confusing and odd to say the least.
frannie was supposed to take me to the baltimore airport tuesday for
a 5:15 flight back to chicago. we were walking out the door at 2:00 when
his mother, she suddenly takes the car to do errands. she gets back at like
3:00 and says 'you'll never make it!!#@' i'm like, 'uh. doh!$!##' so, we
head down the highway, find some rather slow moving traffic at times, make
one ten minute stop so i can get some popeye's chicken, and get to bwi
airport at: 5:30!@ so after calling o'hare and leaving a page for my dad
and trying to get on the next flight and all sorts of shitty old shit,
frannie and i sit around for two and half hours or so. then, i find out i
can get on the 9:00 flight, frannie and i bid farewell, and i go home,
arriving at the airport to find my dad and step mom, who were at o'hare at
6:15 like they were supposed to be, and were there then at 10:00, hoping i
was on the plane but not really knowing.
really, philly was pretty damn rad. it was like spending four days
with all the elite rad east coast people instead of the elite rad midwest
people. and hey, it's all elite and rad#!
on to the real dummercon. first off, i was disappointed by the
turnout, but pleased with the quality of individuals that arrived. i had
hoped, coming from illinois, that we would go in the 25-30 range, yet we
only hit 15. that's ok though, because we had some rad individuals. the
new jersey contingent, including rattle, tut (they called him tit too, and
tried to rape him), and ilsundal, and eerie too (although in fact eerie came
from ontario, and that's something else) was a pretty damn rad bunch. we
arrived at the site to see four rather confused looking punks trying to hack
a sign, and we knew that we were in the right place (plus, we were the ones
who selected the place. you see, although i wasn't technically involved in
planning, by virtue of spending four days in chez frannie, and half of the
time there contained with mogel too, i can claim whatever the fuck i want).
enough of that. the highlights. rattle brought the old tlorah
computer and unwittingly started a dummercon tradition of hacking a
computer. hacking it to bits, literally. cheers to iceman, who sunk
tlorah, but not before tlorah had claimed several casualties (dead cheese,
rattle, and myself and perhaps others as well). also, we successfully
played baseball with several components, first the tlorah 3.5" drive, and
later bananas and ham sandwiches, creating a wild mess. that's a tradition
some may not like to see in the future :) plus, the dumb stuff was, well,
pretty fucking dumb. neko kindly gave me a shit load of stuff and, well,
it's gone, all taken away. i think i wound up with the only really true
usable warez, myself, plus prickle, if i still have him. also, i learned,
wowee! i can jam with the best of them. in fact, i even broke the d string
on frannie's bass by engulfing myself in such a furious jam. we r0x0red
the house.
for anyone from farther away, including illinois, rhode island,
california, new jersey, alabama, florida, or anywhere else, you've got to
come next year. we'll make plans earlier so everyone can get there safely
and comfortably without losing their jobs. i mean it. i'll see to it.
seriously. i expect no less than fifty people next year, all
bringing a comparable amount of dumb stuff to what mogel, dead cheese, and
myself brought. i want to see another computer eat dust. i want to see
more people with instruments, more plans, more warez, more everything. and
water, oh lord, did we need fresh water. water.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
+ the stupid, little live priceless/pointless t-file
+ non-spellchecked
+ in this file you'll find (in order of appearance); mogel, murmur, rattle,
eerie, ilsundal, black francis, tut, eightball, thalassocracy,
dead cheese, iceman, swallow, heroin girl, and gauss.
ho-hum. here's the t-file that was created on my labtop. note that
we had pretty limited time as batteries suck.
+--- dto ---+
dummercon '96 live
==================
mogel: uhm. i'm sniffing off!-wannabe stuff. the feds are trying
to infiltrate us through a thick spy plot disguising as seafood
trucks. bastards!@# these guys are all freaks!@ save me! ah!!@
wowee zowee! this here is murmur, fresh off an impromptu game of
tlorah-ball (in tlorah-ball you take the old tlorah computer, use the case
as a bat, and the 3.5" drive as the ball.) black francis sux0rs at
tlorah-ball. anyways. mogel brought seagram's ginger ale but like, a bee
got in mine, i hate dem buzzers. so, well, yippep!@#k@ek
hey rattle, uhm.. what's in store for america's most elidgeable
batchelor?
rattle: oh god.. fuck off.. i have no creativity. go away.. actually, i'm
like pre engaged and stuff.. it's cool, having a life in all. i
donno.. who cares.. i'm at a lack for letters.. i'll come back to
the geek machine later..
33: the gyus are currently raping tut. nice to see that, i mean, at a moment
in someone's life, virginity has to go. true? false? man, that
keyboard sucks. death to notepads mufuqazzzz!#@^%&
murmur: my name backwards is rumrum. yesh!#u@
ilsundal: holy green, hug a tree!
mogel: i am an over weight black man. smell my sweat. i've got more hair
than you. make it or break it. hey!@# there's no fuckin' fat
people here!@# i'm so left out!@# where's the little girls to
feed my pedophile habit!?@ i have the need to feed. my hair is
better than yours. hey, let's start a new t-file group@#$ let's
call it gggggggraphomaniacs!@#@!
demonseed: yeah!@ start the group!@# we loooooooove writing!@# we're
just kray-zee about writing!@# whee!@ no, wait!@ i'm cutting out
of this project guys!@!@ it's too political!@#
bF - graphoooooooo-maniah!@
33: now you can call me "33 backwards", this or "undergrown lamer".
bF - dis computer sucks, dewd!@ anywho, yeah. when we drove into the park,
the first thing we saw was rattle having phun with the picnic area #7
sign! wack-ee!@ then we started destroying stuff and molesting tut
with a network cable!@ it was phun phun phun!@ hawhawhaw!@ stop me
before i kill again!@
murmur: and now a transcription of the jam eerie and i so recently engaged
in:
"little love geyser" originally by the putrid quilts
i got me a little geyser
i got me a little geyser
my geyser's overflowing
my geyser's overflowing with love
my little love geyser
my little love geyser
my geyser's overflowing
my geyser's overflowing with love
we also did other rad stuff. eerie is doing gumby covers.
"_sadness is *not* a good feeling!_" - gumby, sung by eerie
"the bomb! the bomb! it is scary yes it is!" - gumby, sung by bF
"spam, i hate spam. i just ate it. it made me sick." - eerie
tut: well, i've been here for about an hour and 1/2 so far, and i've been a
monkey boy and people have been trying to tie me to a tree with net
cables. it's all rattle's fault. just cuz it is. i have yet to
throw tlorah and play with the spam, although i'm scared it will bite
me. holy green
mogel: murmur is yelling about clams and ti-81's. i don't get it. he's so
random. wackee!@# hey, last night i was havin' this funk-a-fied
dream about this whole event and i kept getting these images of
thousands of bjorks boppin' around and they were all chanting "ansi!
ansi!" and they were running 0-day speed. i got this theory that
michael jacks0n was actually slowly becoming bjork. it's like magic!
all chicks want me. even the guys. if i was gay i'd be getting
major ass.
bF - there's spam everywhere!@ argh!@ spam spam spam spam!@ watch out!@
33-man: some guy just came in, bringing zillions of cans of mountain dew.
looks like a cool guy. whatever. existential stuff: god: does he
fucking exists? the answer is "yes, but he's in a coma." he's
probably listening to like guns 'n roozs.
demonseed: i will strike my vengence through tlorah.
8ball - okay,,, well, i had a really fun time getting here. i woke up this
morning, and realized, hey, i should be at d-con now, damn, sucks
for me. h0h0. anyway, i called septa and got the info of how to get
here. go me. eye then went to catch the 100 from ardmore, where i
live (aka east bumblefuck). an33w4y, aphter g3tting c4rd3ed ph0r
smokes, i jumped on the train and now its time for someone else to
type
thal: ahh.. i dunno what to type,, um.. iceman is a crappy driver.. umum..
this place needs outlets. i'm gonna go get spam.
cheese: uh. it's hot. i'm sweating. i couldn't get tlorah into the trash
bin. my gnads are soggy. umm.. fun-o-rama!@$!@!
ice: uhh... i nearly got lost, i'm hot and cranky. otherwise, i'm still phat
phunky and very hairy!
demonseed: yes, you are hairy!
i'm swallow - the one who calls everybody lamer.
hg: hey im that stoopid chick from mass.. why the hell am i here? but uh
this sucks yr a fucten wannabe phreak anyways im gonna kill tom and
hes a real bad driver.. y'all visit me in florida huh? yeh but
anyways kiss my frend ass huh? the heroin girl was here and isnt
happy
demonseed: what the hell is that beeping?!@
hello i'm gausEp00..... i don't have much to say...
cheese: hey, i'm supposed to say some wacky stuff. despite my underwear
stuck to my ass, there's not too much wackiness here. hmm... i think
i brought the most dumb stuff. eye r0x.
[as rattle approached the keyboard, the battery died!@ haw haw!@]
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
we better see _your_ ass at dummercon '97!@
for the latest in dto propaganda, call dto whq - tacoland - @ 215-750-0392
nup - dreams are free
all correspondence should be directed towards - dto@tnce.com
d2o one / all rights reserved - 1995 - doomed to obscurity press
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+