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. . . . . . . . . . "Clean Is Divine"
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . by Jphish
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Washing Hands After Bathroom
Reasons Why You Should Wash Your Hands
Author : John B. Kim (kim@cs.umass.edu)
Date : 19940811
I recently posted an article (in sci.med, etc) asking for reasons why
one should wash his hands after using the bathroom, since I see that the
majority of men don't. I do, really!
Some interesting things (if not obvious to some) were learned:
Worsh (if you're from the Midwest) your hands!!! Because your anus
has lots of really groovy germs that spread out to and party in your entire
genital area.
Plus your urine isn't sterile after it leaves your bladder, and even
some virii are found in it. And even if it was sterile, would you like to
have it on your salad? Peeing on your salad is no different than touching
your salad with hands that were peed on.
If you're anal (hee!) you should grab a towel without touching the
faucet, dry your hands, THEN turn off the faucet with the towel so as to
minimize the chance of catching the germs from the faucet, and then use the
same towel to open the door to get out.
But then maybe a little germ isn't all that bad since it helps you
develop some immunity.
Now, given all of this, I'm totally grossed out by the number of men
I see in public bathrooms who don't wash their hands, some even after
defecating. I would guesstimate the percentage of men who don't wash their
hands to be around 75%. Furthermore, some who do wash their hands often
simply run their hands under running water for a split second, no soap
(they're usually the ones who pull out like three sheets of paper towel too,
when one is sufficient).
I'm surprised that foot-pedal operated faucets or automatic faucets
are not more common, not to mention no-touch doors/entries.
Don't be offended if I don't shake your hand next time....
. . . . .
Defecation
Bowel movements take up a large amount of an individual's waking life
and, in the fast-paced, hurried, etc. way of life these days, free time does
not come easy. I have found, through extensive research, that one's time on
the throne is an excellent opportunity for relaxation, stimulating
intellectual reading, or quiet reflection on one's life.
My roommate and I have been keeping a defecation log in order to spot
patterns or deduce the circumstances behind a good dump. By numbering our
dumps and dating them, plotting them against factors such as overall
enjoyment (1-10), splash factor (1-10), significant odors, and other
important variants, we have made some interesting discoveries.
It seems the most important contribution to a satisfactory excretion
is the rectal dilation; there is a definite direct proportion between the
data in the Estimated Rectal Dilation column (cm) and the Overall Enjoyment
column. It seems the sensation from the rectal dilation is the most
significant contributor to overall peace of mind, euphoria, and relaxation
during a dump, to which all other factors depend on for enjoyment. Further
analyzing the data, we found that the most pleasing dilation fell in the
interval of 2.75 to 3.5 centimeters. Graphing the whole range of dilations
produced a Maxwellian Distribution Curve, with 3.10 being the top of the
curve. To the left of this value, smaller dilations were less likely to
produce significant sensations to affect one's state of mind, while to the
right of this value, higher dilations produced bleeding, excruciating pain,
and eventually unconsciousness, as my roommate found when experiencing an
estimated dilation of 6.5 centimeters, as the proctologist later reported.
To continue, there was also a direct proportion between Viscosity (1-
10) and Estimated Rectal Dilation (cm), indicating that Viscosity is the
direct controller of dilation. After plotting the data, my roommate and I
found a general equation relating Viscosity (V) to Rectal Dilation (D):
V=kD, "k" being the Poop Constant. However, this accounts only for
Viscosity up to 8.5 (nearly rock solid) and dilations up to 6.5 cm, and
should be subject to further research.
Reading Materials were also an important variable. While not
actually affecting the nature of the bowel movement itself, it seemed that
dumps were much more enjoyable if reading materials were involved. This
data is more prone to speculation, but comic books, letters from friends, or
other more frivolous forms of reading were preferred over novels or other
more serious forms of reading. However, in the absence of the preferred
reading material, it seems the subject would much prefer to have anything to
read and, in extreme cases, would rather read the graffiti on the stall
walls or the political ads than look at one's own stark naked torso sitting
on the porcelain throne.
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. anada 136 by Jphish (c)2000 anada e'zine .
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