💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › ADDENDUM › adde… captured on 2021-12-03 at 14:04:38.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
------------------------------------------------------------------------- Addendum URL: http://www.adden.tr.cx/ Issue# 74 : Anarchy and The Answers 25th June 2002 Author: Phoenix ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anarchy and The Answers You lie awake at night, I know you do, you lie awake and you wonder: Fuck, how big is the universe? Is the universe infinite? I mean, just where does it end? If you keep on heading in one direction, what happens when you get to the end? Will you ever get to the end? And if not, how the fuck can it keep on going? I mean, it just CAN'T keep on going, surely? Fuck, I mean, it doesn't just stretch on, and on, and on... and on... and on... and on... forever and ever? And what if it does end? I mean, if space can be finite, what about time? Is time also finite? Will the universe end one... day? Can I call it a day? Surely the sun will have burnt out long before... but what if it happens tomorrow? Like a blink? I mean, what if you are God's eylash? Is there a God? Am I real or am I shaped by external forces? Perhaps I'm an ice-cream, with choc sprinkles, I mean, WHAT IF? WHAT IF YOU'RE HIT BY AN EXPLOSIVE SNOWFLAKE? OR DROP DEAD FROM MENINGOCOCCAL? You'll never know, I mean one minute you'll be conscious and thinking, Jees, I think I'll have pizza for lunch, and shit my life is so boring, I must write a novel some day and be famous, after all I have all these lovely little thoughts, and what's the point if I don't spread them about, but then again it doesn't matter coz I'll be dead one day and I'll never know if I'm famous, fuck it's all so depressing, just eternally dark streets and misery and sorrow and thirteen black naked women kneeling down weeping into a choking stream, hell no it's not much of a stream, coz it's so blocked with rubbish that it's little more than a single drop of water running down the hill, and the black women are trying to ressurect it with their tears, but we all know crying doesn't help, but if you don't cry what can you do, end it all I suppose so it doesn't torture you anymore, and then there's nothingness, but nothing for all eternity, not even the memory that you were ever alive, that you ever did anything worth doing, that you loved and hated and cried and shat yourself in fear over death, or even worse there is something, God, maybe, punishment, perdition, coz you forgot to feed the fish once and they died and then you lied to your brother, fuck man YOU killed the fish, you bastard, due to your own negligence, you have to take responsibility, you'll burn for ALL OF ETERNITY, suffering and pain, MADNESS BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT... and then at that point the universe ends and there is nothing, not even blackness, not cold or flames or God going "You fishkiller", hell even the memory of your fish is gone, no time for regret, OBLIVION, no time of course and so the universe could never have ended coz it never existed and neither did you, there IS JUST !!!NOTHING!!! NO SPACE NO NODE NO POTENTIALITY NO ENERGY OR MATTER OR HOPE OF A BANG BIG OR OTHERWISE JUST NON-NON-EXISTENCE BEYOND DESCRIPTION, because there is nothing to describe, no helpful features to hook onto, no little visual or auditorial or olfactory clue. Nothing. A lack of void. Nothing. You'll never even know. NO! THIS IS ALL TOO PAINFUL TO THINK OF! DON'T THINK OF DEATH, IT HAPPENS TO OTHER PEOPLE! I mean, I can't die! I've got a job! I like to eat peanut butter and sour cream sandwiches! I have children, man, children, and they love me. I watch them play. I CAN'T DIE. I-T W-I-L-L N-E-V-E-R C-O-M-E T-O M-E. You can't sleep! To sleep... perchance to dream... what if you never wake up? La petite mort... your heart races! Your mind rebels! Anything but death! Think of flowers. (Winter comes. Flowers shrivel.) Little puppies. (The children cry as the vet's needle plunges in, expunging consciousness.) Sunshine and rainbows and lollipops. No good. No good at all... it's not enough. Your brain won't stop. You can't look at anyone without thining: They are going to be dead one day. Every work colleague. Every shop assistant. Every child playing on the street. Every girl you spent a night with last week. They WILL die one day... and so will you. Don't think about it! You've got to try to ignore it. Pretend it doesn't happen. Maybe when it comes it will be so quick you won't have time to panic and realise and scream and beg for one more chance, one more minute, just an instant longer... Go back to your job. Job is important. Work goes on. Turn to your model trains. Enojy fine wine and good books. Have long baths. Flirt and go the beach and make shapes in the clouds. Allow computers and motorbikes and "Neighbours" to consume your mind. Distract yourself. You mustn't think about it. You need to just trudge on. Leave the universe alone, worry about yourself, now. I wonder if universe should have a capital "U"? ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Addendum (C) Phoenix June 2002 -------------------------------------------------------------------------