💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › ADDENDUM › adde… captured on 2021-12-03 at 14:04:38.
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------------------------------------------------------------------------- Addendum URL: http://www.adden.tr.cx/ Issue# 65 : A once in a lifetime chance! 14th June 2002 Author: Steak ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well ladies and gentlemen we have something very special here, something that I think you will find a real treat, something unique. Shit. That�s right ladies and gentlemen, genuine human faeces. Nothing like this has ever been sold freely on the open market like this before, now available for one time only. Never again will a chance like this come your way again, this is a once off offer. Brought to you by us the lovely people at new products international. We are a very reputable business, that has expanded to the Australian sector's market. And we are here to make this one offer available to the public for one time only, only 200 units of this product will ever be produced, and this is the last chance to buy one. But wait! I here you say, can I not just go to my toilet and pass out one of these from my posterior? And the only cost that i will incur is the original cost of the food that went into my mouth? Yes it is true, you can pass out faeces from your own backside for free, but never will you be able to purchase shit like this, this comes straight from the bottom of genuine hardworking souls in the little 3rd country world of zinisuwalerlabagosh. That�s right ladies and gentlemen this is ethnic shit. We at international products limited are here for all your shicer needs, we can offer it to you in any colour you need, why not visit one of our extensive lavish showrooms selectively picked throughout Australia where our courteous, politer and friendly staff will help you make an informed and productive choice as to what the best shit is for your needs. And for those of you that fell attracted to the old way of doing things and like to be brought into the deception of a respectful purchase and not worry about being conned, we can pre-package your shit on any kind of shovel that you require. And it's a wonderful investment opportunity, shit is 100% guaranteed to skyrocket in value over the next three years, that means if you buy some now by 2005 it will be worth three times what it is now, another brilliant reason to purchase this very instant. This shit is one hundred percent guaranteed to be real or your money back, it comes with a limited edition sticker/certificate of authenticity signed by the original barer of the shit. The certificate itself is a perfect example of lovely hand crafted documents. Beautifully created using only the best �Crayola� writing instruments, on beautiful strong, textured cartridge paper, straight from the classroom of Mrs Davenport and 3A. They really love doing this kind of thing for you lovely people. Order right now with your credit card and receive a small token of our appreciation for you giving us your credit card information in the form of a small but beautiful keying with the words "I brought some shit today" written lovingly on it (contents of the key ring might vary slightly due to circumstances beyond our control) be the envy of other key holders. Be the first on the block to receive your genuine issue shit key ring. The key ring was developed using sophisticated keying making technology employing the use of a microchip to bring to you this perfect example of modern key-man-ship. All this for the low low price of only $1500, that�s right, that is not a typo only $1550 you heard us correctly $1555. But they won't last long at that price, thousands go out the door every day, and you don't want to be left without one. Thinking of holding back? Well don't because very soon this is what every one will be wearing don't take our word for it why not ask our own resident business psyche Dr Ivebeenpayedtosaythis. "Yes I can see it in the tea leaves, and the stars, and in the bumps on your head, and for that matter, the bowl of water, I can see everyone wearing this, it's next years fashion!" Still not convinced? Well how about some statements from satisfied customers? "Yes, imagine my surprise when I opened my door to find out that my postman had left me a little present on the door mat, I was ecstatic" Mrs Scatfetish "I like my Shit, it feels good" Mr idontexist "Great company, great products" Mr smurfing-beer That�s right for the low low price of $1600 you can own one as well Just call 1800-ive-been-had and quote the phrase "I�m a total idiot who has just been conned into buying shit off a shovel" for your 0.000000000001% DISCOUNT! And if that wasn�t generous enough, if you call in the next five minuets you get a free instruction manual as well. So lets recap the offer here, you phone us here at international productions and sons limited order the shit for only $1800 quote your personal discount phrase for the discount, use your credit card and get the key ring PLUS call in the next five minuets and get the manual. And, we really are crazy, we will actually chuck in some oxygen and hydrogen as well! So if you call in the next five minuets, use your credit card and quote you discount phrase you get The shit (priced at $20000) The keying The manual The discount PLUS the hydrogen PLUS the oxygen All for the low low price of $80000! You can't loose. And of course if you are not completely satisfied with your product, return it to us for free* and claim your 100% money back guarantee ORDER NOW! And thankyou for listening to this informative broadcast from new international supplies and products inc! An international computing products and supplies production, sponsored by coco-colo, it's a bit like the real thing but without the fizz and the taste, in fact it tastes more like cough syrup, in fact it is cough syrup, enjoy! (Do not take more than 50ml a day)