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Addendum
URL: http://www.adden.tr.cx/
Issue# 58 : The Exiled Seagull with the Inverted Head I
27th May 2002
Author: Phoenix
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The Continuing Wanderings of the Exiled Seagull with the Inverted Head
+-------------------------------+ The Words of Duphus, the Deluded.
| _______ |
| .~ ----- < | Brethren and Sisterlern!
| | ---- ._00\ Arrgh! |
| `\ -- \=. | | Rejoice, for I, Dufus, have seen
| /\ ,--=-----|__| | beyond the Mortal Veil, I have seen
| > `| . ----. `. | into the world which lies beyond
| > | | `. | | ours!
| >/~ \ \/\/\/\/ _./' |
| \__/'`\_/ | The Truth is ours, who would accept
| || \\ | the metaphor of the Seagull with the
| ^^ ^^ | Most Peculiar Head, The Holy Seagull
| | of Ancient Days!!
| "And the seagull did rise |
| from it's sacred perch" | It came upon me last night, a vision
+-------------------------------+ so strong it made me sweat blood, yet
blood unnatural for it was clear!
It made my head ache and spin, my bowels itch and my feet twitch!
Listen not to the Liar; he would have you believe that my blood (which ran
from forehead and armpit!) was clear because it was in fact sweat; Lies!
Heed not to the Heretic; he would claim that my bowels itched due to
an overdose of curry; Foolish Heretic! Ignore the Cynic; for he would have
you believe that my head spun due to the liberal dose of gin I drunk
beforehand. Pitiful Cynic! It was the power and presence of the Seagull
which caused such a distemperance within me, and besides the gin was only
medicinal!
To the Cynic and Heretic and Liar the truth is withheld! For all time they
shall hear the taunting laughter of the Seagull Almighty, the Bird Beyond
Comprehension! They shall be subject to the pain of Molting For All Infinity!
Such is the future of the Doubter, the Smelly Socked Spouters of Unclean
Underwear!
For the Seagull passed on this word: Do Not Neglect the Negligee, nor Lose
your Lingerie, or your Jocks. Uphold the Virtuous Brassiere, and Exemplify
the Garter Belt!
This is the Word of the Bird!
That night such a picture that faced me: Ten scepters, and six scorpions,
and three bonfires, and the Lotus did bow to the Nine Microphones, and the
Clouds (with six heads and two and five again) did eat the four thin Porridges.
Oh such tempetuous as await the Sun of Man, and the Moon too! For in my vision,
I clearly saw a river, and the river flowed as the moon moves across the sky, and
there where fish, as numerous as the stars, and a little raw sewerage, like
the scourge of galaxies, and indeed a Chip Packet, but not as a normal Chip
Packet, for it was distorted and twisted out of shape, and empty! And there
was writing on the Packet!
I leapt into the water, and miracle on miracle! It seemed that the Seagull
watched me, for I did not sink into the waves, and yet seemed to float, so
that only my knees and lower legs where emerged. Much heartened as this sign of
the Seagull's favour I waded out to the packet, and indeed the writing on the
packet revealed much to me.
First came the "T". The "T" symbolises to those who can read, the Sixth
Mountain of Despair, where the great Juggernaut of Nyurptiddle watches over
the land of Grabit. In this land there is much gnashing of teeth, and a low
moan, and a wail and indeed suffering of an unparalleled degree.
Following the revelationary "T" came "H". Oh Unhappy Letter! For "H", to
those who have had their ears unblocked, the Dancing Mosquito. Aye, to
those who would say "Nonsense" or "Yeh Right" or "Bullshit" I need but
say what else can "H" suggest? There will be those goats that say "An
H is an H." Deluded fools; listen not to them for they are clearly and
obviously wrong. Indeed, it is so obvious they are wrong, for is it not
so written, but two lines above? And there is suffering of an unparalleled
degree.
Yay, for it came to me in a dream last night, A vision from the darkest
depths of the psyche,
tha dictation of the Shadow Within, of the Primal Voice And fevered I woke,
to scribble and scrawl As I had been instructed.
In this dream I saw a bird of yore, Oh what an unnatural bird! For its head
was not as that of a normal bird, and indeed as it was a gull it was a gull
with its head on *backwards* A most peculiar and inconvenient mode of posture,
and yet sure as I trust my dreams it was so!
My blood froze in my veins; my blood boiled! For the seagull turned its head
to glare me in the eyes (a rather curious and convoluted procedure, to say
the least!) and it uttered the one word I was to hear forevermore:
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhh!"
Just that, and nothing more.
"Demon bird!" I cried in fear, struggling vainly to awaken and expunge the
terror which overtook me. "Flee! Leave me to my own nightly counsel!"
But the bird only cried:
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhh!"
To see such a piteous beast in such a predicament touched
And when I returned home, my wife looked at me and said "Oh Dufus! Verily,
you are all wet! Are you drunk again?" I replied "No! The Truth has been
revealed to me!" at which my wife sighed meaningfully.
These are the Words, as revealed to Dufus, the Senior Drunk of the
Seagull.
To be continued.
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Addendum
(C) Phoenix May 2002
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