💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ebooks › bofh › newbofh › bofh12mar97.txt captured on 2021-12-03 at 14:04:38.
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TThhee BBaassttaarrdd OOppeerraattoorr FFrroomm HHeellll
TThhee BBOOFFHH iiss iinn ttrroouubbllee ffoorr nnoott ttuurrnniinngg uupp ttoo hhiiss ttrraaiinniinngg ccoouurrssee ......
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Things are bad. The forces of evil (i.e. the huggy-feely brigade) are
causing problems. The PFY and I have been targeted as 'politically
unsound' for not turning up to some meeting on "harassment in the
workplace".
The boss has apparently dipped his oar into troubled waters for a quick
stir by indicating that we NEVER attend these compulsory meetings; I put
his attitude down to some recent electrical first aid.
Sure enough, a meeting is organised with the Head of Personnel and Head
of Staff Counselling (i.e. the Huggy-Feely Dept).
"Ah, yes," the Head of Personnel begins, "apparently you saw fit not to
attend your course on harassment in the workplace."
"Yes", I reply, "the truth of the matter is that in our position we are
simply too busy to (a) harass people; or (b) attend a course on how not
to do it."
"Well, you might tthhiinnkk that, but I can assure you that attendance at
this course is mmaannddaattoorryy for staff and contractors alike. I don't think
I need remind you that your contract requires you to attend all relevant
training courses", she replies, the steel in her voice reaching the
thickness of armour plating.
"I don't think so."
"I beg your pardon?!"
"I'm sure you do", I respond, "but let us suppose, merely for the sake
of conjecture of course, that the PFY or I did in fact wish to harass
someone. Say someone like yourself for instance. Would I, as a
networking and communications engineer, go all the way to your office to
make some lewd and obnoxious remark to or about you, insinuating some
theme or activity you (and quite possibly I) would find distasteful, OR,
would I instead find and publish some image of you in an indefensible
position - say in the office of a superior, in less clothing than is
normally workplace practice?"
A chill fills the room. The Head of Personnel has taken on the look of
someone who would rather be elsewhere and has completely forgotten the
axe he has to grind.
"I don't know what you're insinuating, bu...", Ms. Huggy begins.
"Oh nothing, I assure you! I'm sure it was just an air conditioning
problem that was recorded on the securi.."
"AH! I don't really think there's any need to pursue this matter", the
Head of Personnel stutters, "at least not if the original proof of this
could be ..."
In other words he wants the tapes.
"Well, as I said, it was an example", I reply, "and not based in fact.
Speaking of fact, is it one that there's a contract rate-round coming up
soon?"
He recognises the prompt. "Ah, there has been talk of a ..."
"Excellent. The PFY and I were hoping this was the case."
Negotiations complete, the PFY and I retire to our offices to plan the
extra spend. Two days later the written confirmation of the rate-rise is
in our hands and we're happy workers once more. The boss, on the other
hand, isn't so pleased. Thwarted again, he's embarked on a one-man
rampage through the department in search of the lowest morale possible.
The phone rings. It's the helpdesk.
"Hello?" I answer.
"Is that networks?"
"You know it is"
"We have a ... problem we'd like solved."
"Hardware or Software?"
"Errrmmmm ... Bossware"
"Could be expensive ..."
"A night of free drinks and dinner for four at the Dorchester?"
"Deal. Do you require a call number?"
"Oh! Ok."
"One."
I love service calls. I fill the PFY in on the deal. Later that
afternoon the boss storms in looking for the person who took down the
mail server.
"That would be me", I point out. "You told us to move it into the
Computer Room. But the electricians haven't checked the power-points
yet".
"RIGHT!", he shouts. "I'll be back to deal with YOU when I'VE fired it
up".
How apt. The PFY and I watch as the server's power-supply emits a burst
of smoke as the power point delivers the 400 volts of badly wired 3-
phase power instead of the expected 240. It's a credit to our safety
systems that the doors lock immediately to prevent anyone accidentally
walking into the Halon-filling room whilst the boss grabs for the oxygen
mask.
"Well, he must have just cracked! He ran in laughing like a madman and
destroying equipment!", I inform security later.
The boss is still appears to be crying (he obviously finds something
funny) as they cart him out ...
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