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Irrational thoughts

Posted at 2020-07-22

Today I was rereading ‘Shimeji Simulation’ once again. Was it the third or the fourth time? No idea. Anyway, I once again noticed that this manga mentioned Osamu Dazai's ‘No Longer Human’ and I decided that now is the time to read it. It's Japanese classics after all! It must be good.

Got the book. I was surprised by the low amount of pages in my reader — 320 pages! Last few books I tried to read were a little longer. It just so happened that I recently read Quran, The Old Testament and The Wheel of Time (14 books) (and some other things I guess). Perhaps, I just got used to the idea of long books and this idea became the reason why I read so few books recently.

One fourth of the book in, I decided to brush my teeth. While doing it, I thought about this book. It kinda reminded me of Dostoevsky's ‘Crime and Punishment’ which we read in school in Russia. It's Russian classics after all! It must be good. Well, it is quite good! I'd polish it tho. Not a perfect book.

I haven't finished this book. I read only 4 parts out of 6! I just got stuck at some point and couldn't catch up with the class. Not like everyone was reading properly back then. Our class doesn't know how to read, I suspect.

One the thing that I liked in the novel is Raskolnikov's phrase “whether I am a trembling creature or whether I have the right”. It sounds cooler in Russian: «Тварь ли я дрожащая или право имею». This phrase made me wonder who I am. I still can't decide. Am I like the others, am I part of the human herd or am I anything special? Does that so-called herd even exist? Am I being arrogant assuming I'm any better than others? What if it's plain logic? Hey, I'm writing texts in non-native language every day to that little-known part of the net, I must be unusual? I have doubts about it.

There's that saying that everyone's special in one way or another; then if everyone is special then no one is. So am I. Or not? Maybe I'm actually somewhat different? But what if I'm actually a part of the herd? It is quite likely, actually.

These thoughts are tiresome. Back to Dazai.

P.S. I highly recommend ‘Shimeji Simulation’ to all fellow weebs.

Update one and a half hours later: ‘No Longer Human’ is great. I have finished it. Time to sleep, I guess.