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 *=--                                                                    --=*
 {       George Carlin: nonconformist, liberal, open-minded, and by far     }
        funnier than any other comedian-come-lately.   His latest effort
 {         has been transcribed for your carnal [dis]pleasure.  Enjoy!      }
 *=--                                                                    --=*


                     *=--                           --=*
                     {              the                }
                           -=*/> Buzzz Bros. <\*=-

                                  present
                               _____________

                     AN INCOMPLETE LIST OF IMPOLITE WORDS:
                        2,443 FILTHY WORDS AND PHRASES

                                   Part I

                          Compiled By George Carlin
                               ______________

                            Text Entry by Havoc
                     {                                 }
                     *=--                           --=*


                Note
               ------

   During the nearly twenty years since the "Seven Words You Can Never Say On
Television" first appeared on the Class Clown album, and especially since the
time (1982) when the idea was expanded to include impolite expressions of all
types, TV-banned or otherwise, hundreds of people have sent me suggestions on
words and phrases which they thought ought to be included on the list.  Some
sent single items, while others submitted long lists they had obviously taken
some trouble to compile.  I wish now I had kept a record of their names.  Not
knowing I would one day attempt this project, my practice at the time was to add
the submitted entries to my "filth" folder, send the person a few autographed
items (albums, pictures, videos, shirts) in appreciation, and discard the
original letters.  I wish I had handled it differently so that I could give them
credit here.  But, of course, the real credit belongs to the thousands of people
over the centuries who invented these phrases in the first place, folk poets,
all.  To those who sent me their suggestions, you know who you are, and I thank
you from the bottom of my farting clapper.

                               George Carlin



                               Male Genitals
                              ---------------

                aaron's rod                     arm
                baby-maker                      beef
                blue vein meatroll              bald-headed butler
                bald-headed mouse               belly buster
                bathtub eel                     bearded blood sausage
                bird                            bone
                baloney                         banana
                bat                             bayonet
                bean tosser                     beef
                belly ruffian                   blade
                broomstick                      bum tickler
                bush beater                     button-hole worker
                cock                            candle
                carrot                          club
                crack haunter                   cranny hunter
                cracksman                       creamstick
                culty gun                       carnal stump
                chicken                         child-getter
                chink-stopper                   corey
                crook                           dick
                dork                            dong
                doniker                         dingus
                dipstick                        dagger
                dart of love                    dearest member
                dickey                          ding-dong
                dinger                          dingle-dangle
                dummy                           dodaddy
                dolly                           dooflicker
                down-leg                        dragon
                eel                             end
                family organ                    fiddle bow
                fish                            fishing rod
                flapper                         fool-sticker
                forefinger                      fucker
                foreman                         gun
                gut wrench                      giggle stick
                gadget                          gardener
                giggling pin                    gooser
                gravy maker                     grinding tool
                gristle                         gut stick
                hair splitter                   hambone
                hammer                          hanging johnny
                hoe handle                      holy poker
                horn                            hose
                hot rod                         heat-seeking moisture missle
                hairy hot dog                   jack in the box
                jemson                          jerking iron
                jigger                          jing hang
                jockam                          johnnie
                johhny one-eye the bald-headed champ
                johnson                         joint
                joy knob                        joy prong
                joy stick                       key
                kidney cracker                  kielbasa
                king member                     knob
                knocker                         ladies' delight
                ladies' lollipop                ladies' treasure
                lamp of life                    lance
                life preserver                  little brother
                little willie                   liver turner
                live sausage                    lizard
                lob                             lobcock
                lobster                         lollypop
                long john                       love dart
                love gun                        love missile
                lucy                            lung disturber
                mad mick                        magic wand
                man-root                        marrow bone
                master john thursday            master of ceremonies
                meat                            meat hook
                meat whistle                    member
                merry maker                     middle leg
                milkman                         mister goodwrench
                mister tom                      mouse
                muscle                          mutton dagger
                my body's captain               natural scythe
                needle                          nimrod
                nippy                           noodle
                noony                           old blind rob
                one-eyed night crawler in the turtle neck sweater
                one-eyed milkman                one-eyed trouser trout
                one-eyed wonder worm            pant muscle
                pecker                          pee-pee
                pen                             pencil
                pendulum                        perch
                peter                           piccolo
                pike staff                      pile driver
                pin                             pink pencil
                pipe                            pisser
                pistol                          plugtail
                pocket piccolo                  pocket rocket
                pointer                         poker
                pole                            pork
                pork sword                      post
                prick                           pride and joy
                prong                           pud
                pudding                         pump handle
                purple-helmeted warrior of love
                pup                             putz
                quickening peg                  quimstake
                ram                             ramrod
                rawmeat                         reamer
                redcap                          rod
                rod of love                     rolling pin
                root                            rudder
                rupert                          russell the wonder muscle
                st. peter                       salami
                sausage                         sceptre
                schlong                         sexing piece
                shaft                           shmock
                short arm                       shove devil
                shvontz                         silent flute
                skin flute                      snake
                spigot                          spike-faggot
                spindle                         split-rump
                spout                           staff
                steaming hot kanga              stem
                stick                           sting
                stump                           sugar stick
                sword                           tail pin
                tally-whacker                   tassel
                tent-peg                        thing
                third leg                       thistler
                throbber                        throbbing python of love
                tickle-gizzard                  tickler
                tong                            tool
                torch of cupid                  toy
                trap-stick                      trouser anaconda
                tube steak                      uncle dick
                vomiting cobra                  wand
                wang                            wazoo
                weapon                          wedge
                wheenie                         wacker
                whip                            whistle
                whore-pipe                      wick
                willie                          winkle
                wire                            worm
                yang                            yard
                yosh                            zubrick


                             Well-Endowed (male)
                            --------------------

                Basket for days                 donkey-rigged
                double-shung                    hung like a bull
                miracle meat                    timbered
                tons of basket                  tons of meat
                well-favored by nature          well hung
                yard


                                   Semen
                                  -------

                baby food                       baby juice
                bull gravy                      buttermilk
                chism                           come
                cream                           crud
                cum                             duck butter
                fetch                           glue
                gravy                           hockey
                honey                           hot milk
                jam                             jazz
                jelly                           jism
                jizz                            juice
                letch water                     load
                love liquor                     man oil
                marrow                          mettle
                milk                            oil of man
                ointment                        oyster
                prick juice                     pudding
                scum                            seed
                slime                           soap
                spendings                       sperm
                spew                            spratz
                spume                           spunk
                starch                          stuff
                tail juice                      tail water
                tallow                          wad
                white blow                      white honey


                               Semen Related
                              ---------------

                pearl necklace                  pecker tracks
                wet dream


                                 Ejaculate
                                -----------

                big bang                        bust your nuts
                come                            come off
                cream                           cum
                die in a woman's lap            drop your load
                fire a shot                     get off
                get the dirty water off your chest
                get wet                         get your cookies
                get your jollies                get your rocks off
                go off                          number three
                pop a nut                       shoot
                shoot off                       shoot your wad
                spend                           squirt


                                 Testicals
                                -----------

                ballocks                        balls
                bangers                         beecham's pills
                bird's eggs                     boo-boos
                charlies                        cherries
                chestnuts                       clangers
                cojones                         cubes
                danglers                        eggs
                family jewels                   glands
                goolies                         jewels
                kanakas                         love apples
                marbles                         marshmallows
                nards                           nuts
                onions                          plums
                pounders                        rocks
                seeds                           slashers
                spunk holders                   squirrel
                food                            stones
                swingers


                                 Scrotum
                                ---------

                ball bag                        hairy bag
                poke                            sack


                                Crab Lice
                               -----------

                active citizens                 crabs
                crotch crickets                 gentlemen's companions
                neighbors to the south          pants rabbits
                seam squirrels


                                Syphllis
                               ----------

                coachman on the box             french gout
                irish mutton                    ladies' fever
                lifelong friend                 neapoliton bone ache
                old joe                         siff
                spanish needle                  the old dog


                                Gonorrhea
                               -----------

                buner                           clap
                dose                            gleet
                glim                            haircut
                lues                            lulu
                morning drop                    piss pins and needles
                piss pure cream                 stank cock
                strain                          tear


                              Female Genitals
                             -----------------

                ace of spades                   adam's cave
                altar of love                   bearded clam
                beaver                          belly entrance
                black bess                      bluebeard's closet
                box                             brown madam
                bull's eye                      bunny
                bush                            button hole
                cabbage patch                   canal
                candle holder                   cat's meat
                cave of harmony                 cavern
                cellar door                     chocha
                cleft                           clutch
                cockpit                         cookie
                coot                            cooch
                cooze                           coupler
                crack                           cranny
                crease                          crevice
                crotch                          crumpet
                cunny                           cunny
                cunt                            dimple
                divine scar                     donut
                drain                           eel-skinner
                fish tank                       fort bushy
                front window                    fur
                furbox                          furburger
                furrow                          gap
                gaper                           gash
                gate of heaven                  ginch
                ginny                           girl-street
                goat-milker                     gravy-maker
                gully-hole                      hair
                haircourt                       hair pie
                happy valley                    harbour of hope
                hatch                           hog eye
                hole                            honey-hive
                honey-pot                       horse collar
                hot box                         hot spot
                house under the hill            irish fortune
                itching jenny                   jack nasty-face
                jaxy                            jelly-role
                juice box                       keyhole
                lady jane                       lamp of love
                lapland                         lather-maker
                little mary                     locker
                long-eye                        love tunnel
                lower lips                      magpie's nest
                main vein                       manhole
                mark of the beast               meat
                meat grinder                    mom's homemade slit pie
                mound                           mount pleasant
                mouse                           mouth-that-cannot-bite
                muff                            naf
                nature's tufted treasure        nest
                niche                           nook
                nooky                           notch
                oat-bin                         old mossyface
                organ grinder                   oven
                oyster catcher                  patch
                pelt                            penwiper
                pie                             piece
                pin cushion                     pipe cleaner
                piss flaps                      pit
                playpen                         pocker
                poke hole                       poontang
                poor man's blessing             prick purse
                pussy                           quiff
                quim                            quiver
                rose                            screw-hole
                slash                           slit
                slot                            snapper
                snappin' pussy                  snatch
                snatch-box                      stank
                steam room                      stuff
                socket                          sportsman's gap
                sugar basin                     tail
                temple of low men               tool-chest
                toy shop                        treasure chest
                trench                          triangle
                trim                            tube
                tuna taca                       tunnel
                tunnel of love                  twat
                tweeze                          twitcher
                vag                             valley
                venus highway                   vertical smile
                wet cave of lust                wooly-burger
                works                           yawnie
                yum-yum


                         Female Genitals (related)
                        ---------------------------

                boy-in-the-boa                   Female Genitals (related)
                        ---------------------------

                boy-in-the-boa                   Female Genitals (related)
                        ---------------------------

                boy-in-the-boa                   Female Genitals (related)
                        ---------------------------

                boy-in-the-boat                 bush
                button                          cherry
                clamp                           clit
                clitty                          cleopatra
                lady's low toupee               lather
                letch-water                     love juice
                man-in-the-canoe                merkin
                mugget                          pussy fart
                vaginal blood fart


                                Breasts
                               ---------

                apples                          balcony
                balloons                        bangers
                bazongas                        bean bags
                big brown eyes                  bon-bons
                boobies                         boobs
                bottles                         boulders
                bullets                         busters
                bumpers                         butterbags
                cantelopes                      gazongas
                glands                          globes
                grapefruits                     guavas
                handful                         hand-warmers
                headers                         headlights
                hills                           honkers
                hooters                         howitizers
                jaboos                          jibs
                jugs                            jumbos
                kazongas                        knobs
                knockers                        lactoids
                loaves                          loblollies
                love bubbles                    love muffins
                lulus                           lungs
                mammets                         mams
                mangoes                         meatballs
                meat loaves                     melons
                milk cans                       milkshop
                mounds                          mount of lillies
                mountains                       muffins
                mulligans                       murphies
                nancies                         nature's fonts
                niblets                         ninnies
                nippers                         nodules
                noogies                         nubbies
                nuts                            oranges
                orbs                            ottomans
                pair           nuts                            oranges
                orbs                            ottomans
                pair                            palookas
                papayas                         paps
                peaches                         peaks
                pears                           pects
                peepers                         pillows
                pips                            pokers
                pontoons                        potatoes
                pumpkins                        pumps
                rib cushions                    roundies
                sandbags                        scones
                scoops                          set
                shakers                         shimmies
                skin sacks                      snuggle pups
                spheres                         spuds
                stacks                          stuffing
                sweater meat                    sweet rools
                swingers                        tamales
                tetons                          tidbits
                tits                            titters
                titties                         tomatoes
                tooters                         torpedoes
                twangers                        twin peaks
                twofers                         umlauts
                upper deck                      waldos
                warheads                        warts
                watermelons                     whoppers
                wobblers                        wongas
                yabbos                          yams
                zeppelins


                               Menstruation
                              --------------

                aunt flo                        aunt rosie is in town
                all's not quiet on the waterfront
                blood week                      collywobbles
                curse of eve                    drip
                entertain the general           fall off the roof
                flying the flag                 having the painters in
                high tide                       holy week
                jinx                            little sister is here
                monthlies                       my buddy
                my friend                       on the bun
                on the pole                     on the rag
                period                          problem
                ragging                         ragtime
                red flag                        red sails in the sunset
                riding the cotton bicycle       riding the cotton pony
                road up for repairs             sick
                stop sign                       tail flowers
                that time                       that way
                the captain is at home          the curse
                the foe                         the hammock is swinging
                the plague                      the thing
                the visitor                     turns
                wearing the bulky roll          woman's home companion


                                Sanitary Napkin
                               -----------------

                bandage                         clout
                cuntrag                         fanny rag
                flag                            granny rag
                manhole cover                   mouth mattress
                muck rag                        pleasure garden padlock
                rag                             red flag
                window blinds


                                   Pregnant
                                  ----------

                about-to-find-pups              apron up
                baby-bound                      bagged
                belly up                        big with child
                broken-kneed                    clucky
                cocked-up                       coming fresh
                delicate condition              double-ribbed
                fragrant                        full of heir
                gone to seed                    have a dumpling
                have one in the oven            have one's cargo aboard
                in a family way                 in pod
                in the pudding club             in trouble
                knocked up                      loaded
                looking piggy                   on the bones
                P.G.                            pillowed
                preggers                        preggy
                shot in the giblets             storked
                stung by a serpent              swallowed a watermelon seed
                up and coming                   up the stick
                wedged up                       with squirrel


                                 Fornication
                                -------------

                a bit of jam                    action
                ball                            ballock
                boloney ride                    bananas and cream
                bang                            basket making
                batter                          beef
                beef injection                  be in a woman's beef
                belly ride                      belt
                blanket drill                   blow off the loose corns
                board                           boff
                bone                            bore
                bottle                          bounce
                bump                            bump fur
                bunny stick                     burry one's wick
                bury the bone                   bush patrol
                buzz the brillo                 cane
                change one's luck               charge
                chuck a tread                   climb
                cock up                         come across
                couple with                     cover
                crack it                        cram
                crawl                           cream
                cut                             dance the mattress jig
                daub of the brush               dick
                dicky dunk                      diddle
                dig your stinger in the honey   dip your stick
                dip your wick                   dirty work at the crossroads
                do                              do a dive in the dark
                do a flop                       do a push
                do a slide up the board         dog
                do it                           do the deed
                do the nasty                    ease nature
                exchange spit                   feather-bed jig
                feed the dummy                  fiddle
                firk                            fit end to end
                fix her plumbing                flesh session
                flop                            flop in the hay
                four-legged frolic              frig
                fuck                            fun and games
                get a bit                       get a chunk
                get a crumpet                   get a hunk
                get a little                    get a piece
                get a snipper                   get a wet one
                get home                        get in
                get into her pants              get into some serious flesh
                get it on                       get jack in the orchard
                get laid                        get lucky
                get one's ashes hauled          get one's greens
                get one's leather stretched     get one's noodle wet
                get one's oil changed           get some
                get some action                 get some ass
                get some crack                  get some hair
                get some hole                   get some pussy
                get some stuff                  get some tail
                get some tweeze                 get your bean waxed
                get your pole varnished         give her a stab
                go all the way                  go like a belt-fed motor
                go to bed with                  go to it
                go to town                      go vaulting
                grease the wheel                grind
                grind on'e tool                 hanky-panky
                have                            have a bit
                have a bit of giblet pie        have a bit of summer cabbage
                have a blow through             have sex with
                hide the ferret                 hide the salami
                hit on the tail                 hock
                hop on                          horizontal refreshment
                hose                            hot roll with cream
                hump                            impale
                introduce charlie               invade
                irish whist                     jazz
                jink                            job
                join paunches                   jounce
                joy ride                        jug
                juke                            jump
                jump on one's bones             knock
                knock off a piece               know
                ladies' tailoring               lay
                lay off with                    lay some pipe
                lay the hip                     lay some leg
                leap                            leap on
                lie                             lie with
                lob in                          love
                make                            make feet for childrens shoes
                make it                         make love
                make out with                   make the scene
                making babies                   makin' whoopie
                mate                            mess around
                mingle limbs                    mix one's peanut butter
                mount                           mugg
                muss                            nail
                mail two bellies together       nick
                nib                             nig
                nub                             nut
                oblige                          off
                park your yacht in the hair harbor
                peel one's best end             peg
                perform                         pestle
                piece                           piece of ass
                piece of pussy                  piece of snatch
                piece of tail                   pile
                pile-driving                    pin
                plant the oats                  play at all fours
                play hide the bone              plow
                pluck                           plug
                pocket the red                  poke
                pole                            pole work
                polish your rocket              pop
                pork                            post a letter
                pound                           pump
                punch                           push
                put the boots to                put the tool in the shed
                quimsticking                    ram
                ride                            rip off
                rites of venus                  roasting the broomstick
                roll                            roll in the hay
                rock                            rod
                roger                           romp
                root                            rootle
                roust                           rub bacons
                rub up                          rumble
                rumple                          rutting
                salt                            saw off a chunk
                score                           screw
                scutz around                    secret services
                service                         shack up
  crew
                scutz around                    secret services
                service                         shack up
                shaft                           shag
                shake                           shake the sheets
                shoot between wind and water    shoot one's wad
                short arm practice              shove
                shtup                           sink the sausage
                sink the soldier                slam
                sleep with                      slip her a length
                slip into                       split
                spoil                           suattin' on the hog
                squat jumps in the cucumber patch
                squeeze and a squirt            stab
                stable my naggie                strop one's beak
                strum                           stuff
                swing                           tail-work
                take a turn in the stubble      take a turn on shooter's hill
                tear off a piece                tear the sheets
                the disappearing cane trick     the matrimonial polka
                thread                          thread the needle
                throw a hump                    throw a leg over
                throw a shot                    thump
                tie the true lover's knot       tiff
                tip the long one                to be intimate
                tooling in the woods            tops and bottoms
                trim                            trim the buff
                trip up the rhine               tumble
                tumple                          turn up
                twiddle                         varnish one's cane
                vault                           vitamin F
                wap                             wham
                what mother did before me       wind the clock
                womanize                        work
                work out                        work the dumb oracle
                work the hairy oracle           yard
                yentz


                         Sexual Arousal (both sexes)
                        -----------------------------

                blotty                          brimming
                bulging                         cockish
                dripping for it                 feeling hairy
                frisky                          fuckish
                gamy                            hairy
                horny                           hot
                hot-assed                       hot and bothered
                hot nuts                        hot pants
                humpy                           in the mood
                in season                       itchy pants
                juiced up                       juicy
                lathered                        moist
                motor running                   on for one's greens
                oncoming                        pruning
                ramish                          randy
                ready                           rooty
                ruttish                         sexed up
                tumbling ripe                   turned on
                up                              wet


                               Sexually Fixated
                              ------------------

                cock-happy                      cunny haunted
                cunt-struck


                                  Testaglia
                                 -----------

                blue balls                      hot rocks
                love nuts                       lover's nuts
                stone ache


                                   Condom
                                  --------

                balloon                         cheater
                close combat sock               diving suit
                drop catcher                    eel skin
                fear-not                        french letter
                gasket                          joybag
                one-piece overcoat              pipe pullover
                port said garter                raincoat
                rubber                          rubber glove
                safe                            scumbag
                sheath                          showercap
                tail sheath


                                  Erection
                                 ----------

                bone                            boner
                bone on                         burgeoning truncheon
                captain standfish               flagpole
                hard                            hard-on
                horn                            in one's best clothes
                irish toothache                 mean-on
                morning pride                   old hornington
                on the stand                    pants pusher
                piss hard                       piss proud
                prod                            proud below the navel
                proud mary                      rail
                riser                           rise in the levi's
                rod-on                          rock python
                spike                           stalk
                standing ware                   stand-up
                stiff                           stiffer
                steely dan                      sporting a sequoiya
                throbber                        woody


                              Illegitimate Child
                             --------------------

                accident                        adulterine
                babe of love                    bachelor's son
                bar steward                     bastard
                born out of wedlock             bush colt
                bye-blow                        catch colt
                chance-born                     chance child
                hasty pudding                   love child
                merry-begotton child            misbegotten
                momzer                          natural
                nephew                          niece
                out-child                       side wind
                single child                    son of a bitch
                squeaker                        stall whimper
                whoreson                        yard child

________________________

     End of Part I
Continued in BB file #14

-=*/> Buzzz Bros. <\*=-
      (c) MCMXCI
________________________