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File : SPH-7.TXT
Author : Bat Bastard
BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
SPHEROIDS, episode 7
The battle is o'er the struggle done
Tilly ran to the window to see what all the commotion was. On the street,
she espied the bleeding corpse of a dead police constable. "How unfortunate"
thought Tilly, with the insufferable indignation of the rightesous. "My young
ethnic neighbour (what was his name ?, Nelson Warwick Abbatoir, or something)
was obviously trying out his new birthday present. But who would clean up the
mess?", To avoid thinking about this, (or performing any other unpleasanrt
tasks, such as asking Lacy for her share of the rent ) Tilly went to sleep for
the next 3 days.
Some Tilly was woken by Lacy, or more correctly, she was woken by an
electric egg-whisk, weilded by Lacy. " Come, old fiend, the grimes out front"
misquoted Lacy (who suffered from occasional delusions of literacy, though, she
was (as Tilly pointed out), better at cunnilingus, than a cunning linguist),
refering to the maternal cadaver, which was, at this very moment, perched in
the back seat of a black (or dirty , it was hard to tell which) mark 1 Escort,
which served as the Herse, on the few occasions that "Wayne Kerr, Undertaker
and Drain unblocker " had a client.
Next thing Tilly Knew ,she was clinging desperateally to her
mothers corperal remains, to prevent further damage, caused as the undertaker
negoitated corners at high speed (or any speed , come to think of it).
"Where's the funeral?" inquired Tilly, hoping for a suriptitious swig of
some embalming fluids. "The Baling station" Came the reply. "50 cents a kilo,
and if your lucky, some of the bottles in the bottle bank have some dregs
still remaining". And so it can to pass. Mummie's body (Bernard had been
dropped in the pattied frier at McDonalds, but no-one noticed) was inserted in
a Kleen-sak (tm) , and given pride of place on the conveyor belt, headed toward
the mulcher. Tilly's eyes brimmed with tears. Lacy sniffed, attempting to dry
her's on a discarded kleenex (tm).Ever the hardened undertaker, veteran of many
a wake, (usually with a hangover), was not entirely dehydrated, optic-wise.
"For Christ's sake, Lacy", berated Tilly "Stop swigging that bloody Ammonia"
Before Lacy could compose a suitably lavatorial reply, there came a shreik from
the mulching shed. "HEEEEEIIIIIGHHHHHHH!!!!!!". The operator had just observed
Mummies maggot-bloated corpse, wending it's way through the mulcher, and was
now in desperate need of a repository for his vomit. He stormed down the ladder
from his cab, scattering people and garbage behind him. "Oh well," mused Tilly
, philosophically, as the trio made themselves scarce, "At least now I know why
it's caled a wake!".......
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!
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AUTHOR : Bat Bastard
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