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| Stoners Guide |
| Part II: |
| T H E S U R V I V A L |
| K I T |
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Written, created, schemed, and anything alse I can think of by:
D U S T R H I N O
F E B 2 3 , 1 9 8 7 ?
For those of you who have come to love and cherish the stoner print (i.e.
sToNeR PriNt iS tHiS), I am sorry. My yUmBo key is not working and I will
(reluctantly) type in a grammatical fashion. If you have read Stoners Guide
Part I (and enjoyed it), I think you will like this file too. Who knows, if
this file is liked also, I might even write a part III! Well, 'nuff said, lets
get on with da show!
part 1: Survival Basics
""""""""""""""""""""""""
Every stoner in his life has, at one time or another, been caught or has
bought a fuckin' shitty deal. Well, I hope the info in this file with help you
set your life and thinking pattern straight, and hopefully you will benifit
from this. the first thing to do when you get a shitty deal is NEVER buy from
that dealer again. If he (or she) has screwed you once, belive me, they
will screw you again.
If you have ever been without the proper paraphanalia, and wish to dear
God that you had your pipe that you loaned to Jonny Walker, then you shall
learn how to make the most of you surroundings, kinda like McGyver! How ta
ruff it and others I shall tell also!
The worst thing that can happen to a stoner is being caught what he/she does
best: getting high. I've never been caught, but I've seen people get caught.
It sucks when you just bought a nice hefty ounce from Joe the undercover cop
and he busts you before you even load one bowl of the dope! I will discuss
means of escape, stealth, intuition, and common sense. After reading this file
you will be more informed and well prepeared, belive me!
part 2: Dealers
""""""""""""""""
If you are a dealer, you know what fun it is selling pot and getting lotsa
mula! It's also dangerous being a dealer. One thing that you should insist to
your sellers (the ones you give the dope to to sell at the nearest campus) is
to NEVER bring to your house, at least to the door, a new face. Who knows if
that person is really undercover? Most likly it's not, but what if? I hope
you know that selling marijuana is a felony if yer caught with more than a
gram! (Not so in Oregon though! You can grow and smoke dope, but you can't
sell it. You may legally have up to 1 oz. or dope on your person at one time.
That means that officer Stiltskin can't do shit if he busts you! Great, huh?)
So try ta be careful when selling. If ya wanna keep selling, you should'nt
pinch yer deals TOO much. If buyers get skimpy little deals, they are'nt gonna
buy no more!
part 3: Buyers
"""""""""""""""
If you are one of the many, proud buyers of pot, then you should know a few
basic facts. There are more busts on buyers than dealers. Buyers are usually
more desparate, and thus don't really give a damn about who they buy the buds
from. If you are gonna buy buds, try to buy it from a friend or somebody that
you at least have know for a while. This way yer insured that you won't get
some dick who sells you a good deal, and then when you turn around he's
reading your maranda rights! Also, try to make the transaction in a secluded
or at least safe place. In class is fine if you have a dumbfuck teacher like
I did fer English! (Me and a chick smoked a bowl before the bell to leave
rang. The whole classroom reeked like pot, and the teacher only asked "Who
lit a match back here?". Of course, nobody was found to be guilty of the
"crime"!) At lunch in an out-of-the-way spot is cool. If you think yer getting
a shitty deal, hold out! Don't buy it! You will regret it later on, belive me!
There are also a few tricks that dealers use to get more money for less dope.
Trick 1) They spray the buds with water or hairspray. This makes em' heavier,
alot heavier! If the dealer weighs out his deals, he could be stealing mega
bucks from your pocket! Trick 2) The dealer inserts lots of stems, seeds, and
shake, with little or no bud. If it is mostly shake and few seeds, it's
probibally OK, but if not, don't buy a garden! You want BUDS! Trick 3) They
say it's something when it's really something else. This happens to me alot,
but if it's buds, I don't care. They will say it's rad Skunk buds or bitchen
Chocolate Tai, when it's really homegrown or redhair. There's nothing wrong
with this type of trick, as long as your deal is fairly sized. As long as
YOU think your getting yer moneys worth, buy it! I hope the above hints will
help you decide whether to buy that nickle of skunk or dime of homechoke
(bleech!!). Always check yer deal before buying, and NEVER, but NEVER give
your money before getting the buds. More people are screwed that way.
Remember, you are supporting the dealers. They control the supply, and you
control the demand. Without the demand, they would be left on a jagged cliff
picking their asses. So exersise yer rights to CHECK OUT THEM DEALZ!!!!
part 4: Survival-in the field
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You've just bought a nice dime of skunk, and you can't wait to smoke it. You
reach for you pipe in your pocket and - it's not there! Damn, you left it at
home! You can either 1) walk home, 2) go to a friends and borrow a pipe (and
probibally end up smoking all yer buds), or 3) do some McGyver moves. First,
look around on the street/alley/whatever for an aluminum can. If you can't
find one, dig through some trash cans. If you STILL can't find one, go to the
goddamn store and buy a fuckin can of Pepsi! Now you have got yer can. Hold
the can with the hole on the bottom of the top ring, as shown in this diagram:
--------
/ \
| __ |
\ | | /
--------
^
|
hole that you drink
from
Now take your fingers and make dent in the lower portion of the can (the lower
portion when it is upright). Poke 3 to 6 hole in the center of the dent
and whala! You now have a pipe! Place the buds over the holes and ignite!
part 5: Survival-at home
"""""""""""""""""""""""""
Now supposing you bought the same dime of dope as mentioned above, and you
walked home ta smoke it. You open yer drawer where you keep your pipe and-
oh shit! Your parents must have found it! Well, fuck them! Now all you can
think about is smoking the herb. Well, if you happen to have an aluminum can
lying around, follow the directions above and your home free. If not, read on!
First thing ya do is look in the bathroom. If the T/P is almost gone, unravel
the remaining and trash it (or take a shit and wipe yer ass TOTALLY clean!).
Now you should have in your hands the cardboard tube. Cut a hole near one of
the ends like so:
___________
| -- |
| / \ |
| | | |
| \ / |
| |
| |
| |
|___________|
It's not a great diagram, but hopefully you know what I'm talking about. Now
go get a piece of aluminum foil about 2 inches square, and place it directly
over the hole. Push it in a little bit so as to form a bowl, and tape the
sides of the foil so it won't fall out. Now poke 3-6 holes in the bowl (not
big holes though!) and you are ready to smoke. Oh yeah, when you do smoke out
of this pipe, put your hand over the hole that is opposite the one in your
mouth. Otherwise you'll suck air!
You can make pipes or even bongs out of about anything you can find in the
house, using the above 2 priciples. Now go get high!
part 6: How to avoid getting caught
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
If you heed any of the advice in this file, heed this one the most: "NEVER GET
CAUGHT WITH DOPE!". For one thing, it will make you paranoid to buy or even
smoke dope again. If you want to avoid getting caught, RUN. Don't puss out
and let the piggers frisk you till you piss yer pants! Give them a chase! At
least when your in Juvi you can say that you ran from them fuckin' pigs
rather than give up!
If you are buying, refer to part 3 for ways to avoid getting caught. If you
are selling, refer to part 2 if ya don't wanna go to jail! The only advice
I can give you is "BE CAREFUL" and you'll have a happy high!
part 7: Stoner's Dictionary
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Avoid: To run from the pigs
Buy: To purchase dope
Bong: The best smoking device to get stoned with
Buds: The meaning of life
Brain: The little thing inside yer head after smoking dope
Bunk: Shit-weed
Cannibis: The name scientists gave pot the first time they got stoned
Carb: Little hole on bongs to get that 'final hit'
Cool: What you say after you get a rad deal
Deal: Your purchase of buds
Dope: The buds themself
Drugs: What everybody needs to succeed in life
Doobie: Nickname for 'joint'
Fry: LSD, acid, the trip drug discovered in the 60's
Freebase: coke up, man!
Fun: What you have when yer stoned
Grass: Old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old name for pot
Grab: What you do to the person holding the pipe
Groan: What you do when you get a shitty deal
Hold: The act of holding in your hit
Homegrown: Weed that is grown in the home
Homechoke: Raspy, hash, and shitty tasting homegrown weed
Huddle: What a group of people do so they can cherry the pot
Harvest: What you do when yer crop is ripe!
Indica: Indica buds
Joint: marijuana cigarette
JD: Short for Jack Daniels
Junkie: What yer called by the public when yer addicted ta drugs
Killer Hit: One of the more bigger hits you can take
Leftovers: What you have on Monday from the deal you bought Friday
Lounge: What you do when your burning out
Marijuana: The herb of life, happy smoke, pot
Narcotic: drugs, dope
Opium: The dope of the Asias
Ounce: What you wish you bought after you buy a dime
Pot: Weed, dope, herb, marijuana
Pussy: What feels good when yer stoned
Pack: What you do to yer dope when you put it in the bowl
Pretend: What wanna-be's do when the get 'stoned'
Stoned: The effects of smoking dope
Shit: What dope is sometimes called
Toke: The act of lighting up yer dope
That's da end of this file, and guess what? Since my phreak codes are starting
ta act up, I might not be availiable for a couple of days after Feb 25, 1987.
But still, I will get some, so if you want, contact me at Circus Maximus
AE/BBS (804) 973-3644 and leave me some mail. If ya want, leave some ideas
or formats or ANYTHING about these or future files. Requests are readly and
eagery accepted. So call now! Oh, if this file is more than a year old and
you're reading it for the first time, don't bother, cuz I tried ta contact
others that have written files a year later, and it has'nt worked....
Remember, if you help, Stoners Guide Part III will pop up in BBS's across
the nation! Oh, try to Upload this file to as many BBS's as humanly possible,
ok? Thanks
Dust Rhino
"If at first you don't get it lit, try again untill you do."
-Dust Rhino
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