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ROBBING BANKS
and now...The Daredevil of Anarchy Inc. somewhat proudly presents:
HOW TO ROB A BANK -=- A How-To TextFile (c) 1984 Anarchy Inc.
--- -- --- - ---- Uploaded by: The Yakuza
Nabbed by: The Mayor
Well, now. You say that you want to go and rob a bank, eh? You say that
you need easy money, eh? This entertaining little text file will give you
information and tips about how to easily rob a bank, and get away with it.
First off, you'll need a bank(obviously). Well, I would suggest something
famous, like Wells Fargo, or Bank of the West. At least you're certain
you'll get in the newspaper. For about four weeks, stake out the place,
without attracting attention to yourself. In other words, don't open an
account there.
Next, you'll need a gun. I would hardly recommend a small pistol, or a
shotgun. Machine guns and armed missiles are not recommended, as they
usually end up making up quite a mess. (Remember, if you ARE caught, you
don't want a vandlism count, do you?)
Finally, before you begin, you'll need a partner. Choose somebody you
know well, but not too well. If worst comes to worst, you might have to
shoot him, take him for hostage, or turn him in. Pick somebody dull-
witted, like Little Al, or Matt Ackeret.
(In other words, somebody you
won't miss too much.)
Now, you're ready to get started. But you'll need a "get-away" car...I
recommend a Buick, or a van. VW's and Mack Trucks just won't do. Get
something with a lot of pickup, like BSBAL the Wise's station "the boat"
wagon. You might want to remove the lincense plate numbers, so the police
won't have any information about you and your party.
What? Did I say the word "police"? Well, I'm not talking about Sting and
friends. I'm talking "The Blue Knight"/"Dirty Harry" type buggers. They
can get nasty, with those little guns, and nightsticks. They can be rude
too.
Inside the bank, you'll have to rob it quick, as people tend to scream
when others with Ski Masks enter...I would also recommend dressing all in
black. There will be security cameras there...Nasty things. Get rid of
them. Also, there might be a security guard or two in there. I would
suggest shooting them, as they make lousy hostages, and make sure you kill
them. Remember, if you can't stand the sight of blood all over the neat
little carpets they keep, don't bother robbing banks. Stick to something
like Credit Card fraud, or fone phreaking.
Now, when you first enter the bank, there will be some fool shouting "Oh
my God! Oh my God!" all over the place. Reply with some snappy phrase
like:"He can't help you now..." and then shoot him/her. They were giving
you a headache, wern't they?
While standing there with gun in hand, make it very clear to people that
you will shoot them. You WILL, won't you? Demonstrate this fact by
shooting several innocent by-standers, and potted plants. You might even
take out a desk while you're at it. Don't you love this feeling of power?
Money. That's what you're here for, right? Well, if you arn't, you've
just blown away several people and a plant for nothing. You might as well
just leave the place. Money is obviously kept in drawers, where tellers
can make change and such. That's what you're after. Go to the farthest
teller from the door. That's where they place all "Tellers in
training"...They're usually pushovers...
Another problem comes to mind. Bait money. What the f--- is bait money,
you might ask? Well, when the stupid teller hands you all the money from
the drawers, one of the little slots that the money is in, trips a silent
alarm. Not fun. Well, the only thing it I would suggest is to pick and
choose. Good luck, as you really can't tell when a silent alarm goes off.
Next problem. Let's get the hell out of this place, shall we? Okay, let's
go! I would suggest running like hell to the outside, and once in the
car, finding the car's speed limit in the parking lot. Look out for speed
bumps...
You're off! You've made it! Now, you are onto the road of becoming a
hardened criminal! Congratulations...Wait...What's that? You're reading
this in prison? Gosh, I forgot to tell you about those cruel policemen,
and the OTHER security guards. Oops. Oh well, enjoy the prison life...
...This text file was not written from personal experience
...The Daredevil, Anarchy Inc., and all members within, are not in any way
responsible for actions that people might take against banks and such. We
do not supply lawyers, or post bail. If you were jailed because of this
text file, well, that's your problem, not ours.
...Friendly tip of the day: Try practicing on 7-11's and Burger King
before moving up to banks. It gets you psyched up for your job. We do
not recommend taking hostages, because I might be at a bank someday, when
some idiot runs in with a shotgun and...
(c) 1984 Anarchy Inc. All rights reserved. Have a nice day!
(I hear the food's pretty good in prison...Good luck keeping an even number
of fingers...)8/353-1553
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Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven
& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560
"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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