💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › groups › ANARCHYINC › funonjob.txt captured on 2020-11-01 at 00:00:35.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
--------------
Anarchy Inc. ...presents...
--------------
<[+=------------------------------=+]>
! -=] Crime on the Job [=- !
! Written by: The Ascii Assassin !
<[+=------------------------------=+]>
[Or: How to Live off of $3.00 an Hour]
______________________________________________________________________________
-=]> Foreword/Disclaimer: <[=-
This file is intended to teach you how to commit illegalities on the
job with a minimal risk of getting caught. Please note that I cannot take
responsibility for anybody's actions. If you are too inmature to allow this
to sink into your head, than don't bother.
-=]> Introduction: <[=-
First off, you need a job. Probably the best job for the beginner is
janitorial-type activities. It's best if you're not the only one. Especially
when you work in a big office building (which is, coincidentally, where most
of the goodies can be found). By stealing, filching, or otherwise seperating
goods from their previous owners, you can use the money you save by not having
to by them for other things. Like the phone bill you must be running up while
reading this file.
-=]> Getting to it: <[=-
First, you have to find a place that's offering janitorial jobs. Look
in the want ads or something (if you can't read..you've got a problem already)
You should be able to get the job on your own. Okay. So you've got the job.
And what do they want you to do? Take out the trash? It may be a thankless
job around the house, but there are rewards for doing this job. When you
empty trash cans from offices, you can, if you wish, look inside them. But
usually you'll find only scrap paper, diet cola bottles, and other such
mundane items a secretary can't do without. If you're looking for extra office
supplies, from diskette labels to postage stamps, they can usually be had.
Just look around. Be sure that you wear a big jacket or clothing with a lot
of pockets f you like petty thievery. If you want to steal things that are
of unusual shapes, like diskettes, get a newspaper and fold it up. The disk-
ette(s) inside. the perfect way to smuggle out flat goods that you can't fold
or fit in your pocket/jacket. So you see a jar of jelly beans or candy on the
desk? Help yourself. After all, it's not pleasant to work on an empty stomach.
When you take the trash out to the dumpster(s) outside, the REAL fun
begins. There are goodies to be found. If you look carefully. If you drive,
you should park your car near the dumpster. So every time you take trash out
to the dumpster. Relieve them of some of the more valuable stuff and stuff it
in your car. If you don't drive, bring a duffel bag or something like that,
if your job is after-school, bring some books to disguise things a bit.
Sometimes, you may have to vacuum offices. Make sure you start with an
empty bag. While you go through the rooms, and you spot something you like,
that can take a little dirt, grab it and wrap it up in some newspaper or what-
ever, and stuff it in the vacuum cleaner bag. When you're finished, pretend
you're taking it back to the dumpster (again?). Take your prizes out and dump
the bag, why would you keep it anyway?
Major theft, stealing large items, is in a whole different league.
But, if you think you've got what it takes..go ahead. The best think you can
do on the job is to make it easy for you to get in and out. Before you leave,
turn off the alarm, leave a window unlocked, whatever..and come back later at
night. There are other text-files that go into more detail about break-in's.
They are definitely on the suggested reading list.
-=]> Conclusion: <[=-
Janitorial crime may not be very "glorious", but you can acquire
many neat and/or useful things at a minimal risk, while getting payed about
three dollars an hour at the same time. Just don't take any unneccesary risks.
If you take a big gamble and win, good for you. If you don't..well you DID
work in a big office bilding, saw some good-looking secretaries, etc..
This file was created to give you a few ideas just to get started. The best
criminals are creative. Have fun.
______________________________________________________________________________