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Its another file by those gods of watermelon:
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For all your phun stuff...
FISH presents...
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Pipe Bomb Primer
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DISCLAIMER: This file is naughty, and should only be used with parental
supervision. Entertainment purposes only. No no no little children
bad bad bad. This one is truly really naughty, in that you could
blow your fucking fingers off, so be CAREFUL. As usual, the FISH
Gang takes NO responsibility for your stupid actions after reading
this file, and we really don't recommend that you carry anything you
might find within, out. Yes, that made sense. Shut up jerk. It did
too!
Part Eins: Sure, everyone and their iguana has made a PHile on making
Pipe Bombs, and you're probably pretty damned sick of them by now, as
you being the leech, probably have your disk boxes filled with garbage
such as this one. So, what makes this one more special than any of the
other ones? Well, we've been BUSTED for doing this stuff. hahaha
You KNOW its gotta be good, then.. ANYway, you'll find within, the
complete, annotated, unabridged, dyslcexi, always fun-filled guide on
making your own kabomb.
Part Zwei:
Commercial
Part Drei:
Ok, this is all from personal experience, and practice. You will need
the following items. Now note, that a 16-year-old kid (I don't know how
old you are and I don't really give a donkey so I'll just assume you're
16) walking into a hardware store and buying the following items might
look just a LITTLE suspicious, so it might be best to either send some-
one older in, or buy these parts one at a time, possibly from different
hardware stores. Or, what I have found works REALLY well, is to take a
piece of paper in with a note from your mommy containing a list of the
items you need. Make sure the writing looks good on it, or the "smart"
sales clerk might not buy it. You can take it up to a guy, and tell him
the things you need, and if you think the list looks good enough, you
can just hand it to him and say you need the following items. You might
also want to shove another couple of cheapo items on there to throw him
off, if you have the CH-CHING$ at the hour of need.
This crap you can snatch from a hardware store:
+ PVC pipe, 4-8" long, 1" in diameter or so. 3/4" is fine, whatever.
preferably threaded. You can get these from any hardware store.
+ Two end caps for the same diameter pipe.
+ Some Plumbers cement stuff. You can also inhale this deeply and have
a little more fun putting your kabomb together. Its just glue that
turns into plastic. Get whatever is available.
+ Garden Sulfur, for killing snails and stuff. Make sure the sulfur
is almost pure. If you can't read, then siyu snne siix ois. You
might need to go to a nursery (not the baby kind) to get it pure.
+ Mortar and Pestle.
+ Some kind of silly-putty consistency junk. You can use those drafting
erasers, sticky putty for picking things up, anything of this dry,
gummy consistency is perfect.
+ Fuse. from anything. steal it from your parents fireworks, or buy
a small roll from a gun shop. Make your own. who cares, as long
as it burns well.
This gunk you can swipe from a pet shop:
+ Fishtank Charcoal.
+ Doggy to sacrifice. (preferably a rat terrier. they yap a lot)
Then, you walk into the pharmacy, passing down the douche aisle (shield-
ing your eyes of course) and walk up to the counter, with your fake note,
and say, "Hi, ummm.. my mom gave me this note this morning, and said I
was supposed to pick up some... Salt-petre.. Do you have any?" I also
find that it helps to mispronounce Saltpetre if you look REALLY young or
really suspicious. Don't walk in with your PVC pipe in your hand, or
you deserve whatever befalls you. If she asks you what its for, say you
are not sure, but you think is has something to do with your dog. If she
still bugs you, target her house to blow up, and find the stuff somewhere
else. Now, it comes in little 4 oz. plastic bottles, so you might need
two or three. It is also like $4 per bottle, so make sure you have
enough. Just get enough so you don't have to go back multiple times, but
not too much to arouse suspicion. I'd say 4 is pushing it.
Part Vier: So you get your crap home. Make sure you have someplace to hide
everything, and make sure it is a GOOD place, because as dumb as you may
think your mommy and daddy are, they will most likely figure out what that
box full of high explosive paraphernalia is in your room. If you come
home from school before your parents get home, good deal. Anyway, don't
make TOO much of this stuff at one time, and don't store too much of it
together at one time, because if you make a mistake, and you have 15 lbs
of it together, I'd say bye bye Mr. Housey, and you'd have a k-rad time
explaining that to your parental units, especially when you are living
under a bridge, because your idiot dad didn't pay his premium on his
homeowners insurance this term. Yup, I'd bet they'd be pretty pleased.
Anyway, so you got yer box to store it in, and yer going to be careful as
cake.
Part Funt: Ok, you've got everything. The world is looking good. The sky
is in the air, and the birds are breathing. There's weather out there.
Wait until sometime your parents are gone, or roommates, or whatever, if
you're not living with your parents. Now get out your mortar and pestle,
put some saltpeter in it, and start grinding away until it is a fine
powder. Put this aside, grind some charcoal, until that, too, is a fine
powder, and put it aside, as well, but not with the saltpeter yet. The
sulfur is fine enough to use as is, so you don't need to grind that. It
stinks anyway. Now, the proportion of saltpeter:sulfur:charcoal is:
6 parts saltpeter
3 parts charcoal
1 part sulfur
It is best to do this by weight, as that is the most accurate measurement,
but you can do it by volume if you don't have a drug scale, which you most
likely do, because you are a little dope-addicted, subversive, maladjusted,
antisocial menace to society. If not, just use your mommy's measuring
spoons. Put these in some kind of container, and stir or shake gently. It
won't explode if you stir it violently, but you don't want to spill any.
Now go out to a well ventilated area, or not if you wanna get high, and
take the PVC pipe and one of the endcaps you bought. Incidentally, getting
high off rubber cement fumes is about the stupidest thing I can think of
right now, so don't do it. You'll *literally* fry your brain. Take a
slotch of the rubber cement and dab it on one end of the PVC pipe, where
the threads are. now put the cap on, and give it a little time to dry.
While this is drying, take a drill and drill a hole in the other end of the
pipe just slightly smaller than the fuse. Put the fuse through the hole,
and then on the inside wrap most of the silly putty junk around the fuse
to keep all the pressure in. Make sure some of the fuse sticks out, so it
can go into the gunpowder, moron. You can also put some on the outside to
achieve the same thing. Just pack it down hard so it stays and is airtight.
Next step, pour the gunpowder into the pipe, trying not to spill any.
Now tamp it down a couple of times, and pour more in. Gunpowder is very
light, so you can probably do this a few times, and get about 1/4 more
gunpowder in there than you had originally poured in. Now, put some cement
on that end of the pipe, trying hard not to get any gunpowder on the brush
or anything messy and sloppy like that. Take pride in your work. And
now put the lid on it, making sure the fuse is firmly seated inside the
gunpowder. Screw it on tight, and now let it sit until the cement dries.
Just stash it, and clean up your mess. You really need to clean any spoons
knives bowls anything you used well, especially if it is utensils you use
for cooking or eating from. Saltpeter causes sterility; that's what it is
actually supposed to be used for. And it doesn't taste very good anyway.
So just clean up after yourself, unless you don't want any more brothers
or sisters, but hey, it's your life if you want to poison your parents and
yourself. I take NO responsibility whatsoever for your actions. You
shouldn't even be reading this. You should be in bed. Anyway, stash the
bomb somewhere safe and secret, like your heating duct, or whatever. Note
the heating duct gag. DON'T PUT IT THERE unless you don't like your house
a lot, and want the insurance money. But that's another scheme. Just put
it somewhere nice and cool where your parents won't find it.
Part Sex: (it's German, you repressed little monkey) Now, just take the
bomb with you, when you have your target, light it, and RUN! I hope you
have a long fuse. For a short time delay, tear a hole in a cigarette near
the filter, and put the fuse through the hole. Light the cigarette and
walk away slowly. You've got like 5-10 minutes or so now. Either get the
hell away from the scene altogether, or get in a safe vantage point, and
bring binoculars or something. When that bomb goes off, it will wake the
dead. If it just smokes a lot, then you didn't put enough putty in, and
it didn't build enough pressure to blow up. It's your fault, not mine.
Trust me, I've done this. Anyway, if it only smokes, and noone wakes up,
go and get the pipe out of wherever you put it, and get rid of it across
town somewhere. Wipe it down to get rid of your fingerprints, too. You
don't want THEM to come down on you. If it does go off, it is in shrapnel
anyway, and they'll never get fingerprints. But run your ass off, or if
someone sees you, just say it woke you up or something. Social engineer.
Lie, as it were. Make up a good lie, but don't make it too complicated.
Simplicity in lying is the best thing. If you are with your friends, the
highest honor you can do if you're caught, and they aren't, is to say you
are alone. Never rat out your friends, no matter what you do. And always
run different directions. It is best to agree on a meeting place later,
in case you get separated. Synchronize your Swatches. Do whatever it
takes to make sure everyone gets back together later, so little Timmy does
not get left behind. Don't take pictures of the blast, videotape it,
anything that can get you convicted later. And most of all, be careful.
I don't want any 12 year olds with less than 10 fingers.
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