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Its another file by those gods of water color:
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For all your phun stuff...
Once again the F.I.S.H. Gang turns out another file for your
reading pleasure. The topic is:
How to trash your local Supermarket
By Punk Rock Girl
Hugh
Ida the psychic Whore
Stone
Every small town has a super market that is painted a most
hideous color and looks like a time traveler from the 60's. Lets
wipe it out! Here are a few things you can do:
1. There is always a place for them to dump the thick used grease
from the deli ( assuming it has one ). Look out back and search
for a big barrel. The lid will come off easily and you can dump
it all over the parking lot or steal it. A big barrel full of
thick runny lard can do wonders in the fountain at city hall or
all over your 'friends' front porch.
2. They regularly chuck the old rotten dairy products into the
large dumpster near the grease barrel. I have found that a
swollen container of sour cream explodes on contact with any wall
or other hard surface. In addition to this treasure trove of
rotten cottage cheese and sourcream can be found cartons of
things like milk and orange juice. They are grossly swollen due
to the decomposing slime inside them. I like to take as many as i
can into the back of Stone's truck and hurl them out of the back
at high speeds. They explode and leave nice sticky smelly spots
when throw hard enough.
3. The truly lucky people will find that there is a window in the
store someplace and they can get in this way. How? Well most old
stores don't have the $ or the time to install new windows for
security so just break it! Put duct tape in a big square on the
window. Now get a sledge hammer and smash it! The tape will hold
the glass up so it doesn't go SMASH! and crash to the floor
alerting the security guard. There is always a night man there so
look out for him. He is just a store clerk who sticks the shelves
but he can call the cops and often does. The best thing to get
rid of him is to go up to the front of the store and bang on the
doors as hard as you can until he comes up there. Then tell him
that you have to use the phone cause you just saw a guy laying in
a pool of blood. Adults always fall for this shit. While he is
busy handling that the other guys can sneak in the back and get
into the walking cooler for all the beer you could ever want. Be
sure to plan a REALLY good story for the stupid night man before
you go and be sure to throw rocks through his car windows before
you leave.
4. Stores are messy. They leave opened food all over the back and
you could easily breed mice in this nice environment. SO DO IT!
Walk into the store with a bag full of mice. Say you need to use
the potty and go back and throw the bag on top of the walk-in
coolers or up in the rafters. The mice will chew their way out in
about 2 minutes and take over the place.
5. Count the cars in the parking lot. Now go into the store and
make sure you see 1 person per car you counted. Late at night
there is only the employees so this is easy. Make sure you see
the people up front. If there is one car un-accounted for then
ASSUME it belongs to the FAKE SHOPPER who will arrest you for
anything. Use the potty excuse to get into the back. There is
hardly anybody there late at night, like 10 minutes before they
close. Look around and remember where everything is. Then come
back at the same time on the same day next week. Go into the back
and put just about everything you can by the big delivery doors
in the back ( there will be a semi parked here once a week during
deliveries ). Now put some garbage on top of it or something so
they cant see it. Most people are too lazy to see what it is let
alone put it all back. That night silently creep up to the doors.
Most old doors slide up about 3-4 inches before the latch stops
them. If you are good you can reach in and pick the lock but
there is still the night man. Just pull all the stuff under the
door and run. SILENCE IS THE KEY
6. Prank call the store all the time. It makes them have to say
the stupid " Raleys Market thank you for calling, this is BUCK
how can i help you today? "
You: Well BUCK i am looking for meat. Raw bloody meat.
BUCK: Umm... We have all kinds in our meat department.
You: I don't want that kind. I want human meat. I want to lick it
and sodomize it and shove it up my butt.
BUCK: <click>
call back
BUCK: "Raleys...etc. "
You ( sounding like a woman ): I am having my period and i'm just
bleeding like a fucking stuck pig. Do you have those big tampons
that i can shove in and stop it?
BUCK: <click>
CALL BACK
Be creative. They have to run all the way across the store to get
the phone. Especially if you call at 5:00 on a Friday when they
are totally swamped.
7. Get a syringe and fill it with glue. Shoot it into everything
they have. PRODUCE is the best. I like to stick it in milk too.
If you are good you can make it look like your just picking up
the milk to look at the expiration date when you inject Elmers
glue into it. GLUE TASTES LIKE PEE! If you inject water into the
bread it will mold on the shelves.
8. Beware the fake shopper. For he is mean and can be deceitful.
Look for those windows that are all black. AVOID THEM. Mr. Fake
looks for people who come into the market and go straight to
something. Most people look around a bit. Don't keeps looking
over your shoulder all the time. Smile. Say hi to all the zombies
in the store. Look for a guy who is always talking to the
employees but is not wearing a uniform. MOST OF ALL don't think
because you discovered who it is that he is the only one they
have. Fake shoppers also carry one item around the store for
about 5 hours and they NEVER leave. Look at all the people in the
store and then watch who comes out. If he/she/it catches you your
screwed.
9. Disassemble the stupid horse/mary-go-round out front.
10. They trim the rotten stuff off the produce. What do they do
with it? They usually save it for some fat guy who picks it up
and feeds it to his animals. Call in and say " Hi. Can i speak to
the produce manager? "( he answers) "Hi My name is Jed and i was
wondering if i could have the produce yall don't use down there.
You know the trimmins and stuff. I got me some pigs to feed." If
he says no then have a friends call back the next day and ask if
he can have SOME of the old produce for a project he is doing on
rotting fruit for his biology class. Pick out the sickest things
like old cantaloupe and bananas. Use them wisely to decorate a
house or object of the city government.
11. Some stores have all the registers networked. They use those
little radio network things that connect back to the main
computer someplace in an office which is conveniently hidden from
you ( usually ). Build a radio jammer and stash it in your coat.
Hang around the office a lot.
12. Utterly deface the barcodes of all that you purchase. Doing a
price check for everything is SUCH a pain. You can even photo
copy your own and glue it over the stores. I like to make
everything ring up as beer.
13. Deliver a roadkill to them at night. Just put it in a box and
leave it by the door.
There are so many things you can do in a super market it is
scary. Try the potty excuse and look around.
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Disclaimer: Don't do it! No, stop! its only information! It
wasn't meant to be actually done! I swear i wont take the blame
if you do this!!