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": The First Orbicle Church of Rock 'n Roll ":
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": Information compiled by: The Cruiser ":
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": Call The Works <914>/238-8195 Over 900 text files ":
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This file briefly describes the Orbicle Church of Rock 'n Roll. This is,
you guessed it, the first religion based on rock 'n roll. It is a real
religion, and its main missionary work is to promote rock 'n roll. It is based
in Cleveland, Ohio (very appropriate, the rock 'n roll capital of the world).
One of the most important aspects of this religion is that its members
are incouraged to believe in anything they want. The only restriction is that
your belief should not cause you to break the Golden Rule.
The Golden Rule
~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~
The Golden Rule is "Do onto others as that you would have them do onto
you". This religion is into personal freedom, as long as you don't hurt
anyone. Have a good time, support rock 'n roll, get into it, become
radioactive, and don't hurt anyone. That is the basic guideline.
The Orb
~~~ ~~~
The Omnipotent Orb is the high power and the Watcher of the Faith.
The Church's founder and Extreme High Oracle, Jack Cavanaw, recieves messages
from him. He first recieved them in the early 1970's, but it was so broken
up he couldn't understand it. These broadcasts come in from everywhere, but
mainly from over the radio. The only one who can hear and interpret these
messages is the Extreme High Oracle. The Orb is an omniloving Orb, he holds
no grudges, and has nothing against anyone. He is a partying Orb, and he
want peace, love, and rock 'n roll. This does not mean he is a god as in the
sense of a person, but he is a state of being (in other words, us members
don't actually bow down to idols). The Orb does not serve as a god, but only
as a state of mind. Almost all members of the Church have another religion,
be it Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, or whatever. The Orb is a feeling you
get listening to music. This feeling, when interpreted by the Extreme High
Oracle, are the messages I talked about above. When anyone else gets this
feeling, they can not interpret the messages, but they get 'radioactive'.
Radioactivity is a state of mind & body, when one is literally 'high' on rock
music. Try this experiment out. Late at night (most preferrably), put on
your best pair of stereo headphones (digital if you have them), and plug it
into your stereo system. Get a song by your favorite rock group, and put it up
as loud as it will go without sounding distorted. Now just close your eyes and
become one with the music. Let your body become part of it, and let the music
soothe you. Great, isn't it? That is what becoming radioactive is all about.
The Orb is kind of a ready kilowatt-looking guy.. on a winged guitar.
The Vestments
~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
When you join the Church, you also get an official t-shirt with all the
rules, commandments, and a brief explanation of the church on it. This is a
very popular item that is seen a lot at rock concerts.
The shirst are of fine quality, being purple, and 5 color screen print.
On the front is a picture of a planet with musical notes and bands of music
going around it (It looks like Saturn). Right in the middle of the shirt is
Cleveland, Ohio with a star, since Cleveland is the official birthplace of
rock 'n roll. Underneath the globe, it says, "The First Orbicle Church of
Rock 'n Roll". On the back, it tells you everything about the Church, including the 11 commandments. This is what it says:
R O C K ' N R O L L I S M
This religion was founded in Cleveland, Ohio, in the early 1980's. Its
founder, Jack Cavanaw, claims he recieves messages from the omnipotent Orb.
Jack maintains that most of the transmissions come broken up, due to the great
distances involved with talking to the Orb. Below is an outline of Rock
'n Rollism, which preaches the gospel according to John, Paul, George, and
Ringo.
1]To enter the kingdom of Orb, you must become radioactive.
2]The Orb grades on a curve.
3]Members are referred to as Rockies.
4]Evolution works, but it takes time.
5]We are not here for a long time, just a good time.
6]Let your mouth say what your heart feels.
7]Much of Man's problems would dissapear if everyone gave as much love as they
should.
8]Life is not just a plague, it is a farce.
9]May the Farce be with you.
9]Everybody hears, but few listen.
10]No balls, no glory.
11]Rock 'n Roll will always, always, always overcome, eventually.
List of Sins
1]You shall not take the name of Orb in vein.
2]No sniveling is allowed
3]Not getting enough sex
4]Listening to muzak
5]Surrendering precious bodily fluids
6]And all violations of the Golden Rule.
Wow... all that on the back of a t-shirt...
For a meager donation of $10, you get this high quality t-shirt, plus garanteed
salvation. How's that for a deal?
And also, this membership is lifetime. There are no monthly dues or anything
This isn't a small time operation, and it certainly isn't a joke. There are
about 2,000 members. You can find them mainly at rock concerts and local
bars.
There is a serious side to the Church, too. They have Snods(gatherings)
[Which, by the way, you are not required to go to, you are sent a newsletter
in the mail every couple of months with transcriptions of them] in which
they plan various food drives for the needy.
Also, a word about radioactivity. The Orb communicates on a superliminal
level. Everyone's heard about subliminal messages, which are transmissions
below the threshold of consiousness, whereas superliminalare above the
threshold of consiousness. Subliminal are hidden, but superliminal are so
up front you miss it. A real Orbicle concept here...
As stated before, there are orbicle messages in most rock. But there is
something to watch out for, namely, antiorbical messages. These are messages
that are in some music. (ex. - Suicide Solution, by Ozzy Osborne, which made
a kid kill himself with a subliminal message) This kind of music should be
watched out for.
Members of the Church are called Rockies. The capital, Cleveland, is
called Rock City. It is the mecca of rock 'n roll. all members have to make
a pilgrimage to Cleveland at one point in their life.
By the way - Cleveland is known as Rock City by Church members.
How to Join
~~~ ~~ ~~~~
In the Cleveland area, go to:
The Daystar Boutique
17102 Detroit Avenue
Lakewood , Oh
The Daystar Boutique ][
157th & Lorain
Cleveland, Oh
If you're not in the Cleveland area, or you just don't want to venture into
those neighborhoods, send your $10 + $2 postage and handling to:
The First Orbicle Church of Rock 'N Roll
P.O. Box 11208
Cleveland, Ohio
44111
And another note, in case you'd like to know, the Church was founded April 1,
1983. It was a private organization and at its peak had only 100 members,
until it went public on its second birthday, April 1, 1985. As of November,
1986, the Church has over 2,000 members.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this file and I hope that we get some members this
way. I guess I'll leave it at that, before you decide to erase this file.
--The Cruiser
12/7/86
"Do you want me to kick you?" said Ford.
"Would it give you a lot of pleasure?" said Zaphod, blearily.
"No."
"Nor me. So what's the point? Stop bugging me."
--The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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