💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › JOKES › mag-tape.jok captured on 2022-06-12 at 09:38:17.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Subject: Half Inch Magnetic Tape
I keep a 2400 foot tape in a terrarium at home. It's very
docile unless provoked, and easy to feed. It likes to have
empty plastic tape spools and old, scarred disk platters to curl
around while it takes in the sun, but beyond that it isn't too
demanding to take care of. It gets along well with the other
pets, like our four telephones and two modems; they never give
us any trouble.
We've sort of been wondering what other people feed their tapes.
Ours gets a steady diet of house cats and tennis balls, with the
occasional table lamp for variety. It's especially fun to feed
it a cat and watch its digestive processes at work (a tape is
one of the few pets you can own that actually lets you see its
food going down).
We discovered that the trick to feeding our tape is to give it a
tennis ball as an appetizer, preferably by throwing the tennis
ball with considerable force into the center of the tape while
it lies coiled on the living room carpet. The tennis ball
enhances the tape's telepathic energy, allowing it to attract a
nearby house cat with waves of mental force, causing the cat to
duplicate the tennis ball's plunge into the center of the tape.
The cat then realizes its ghastly mistake, and it struggles
violently with the tape; the tape erupts in a tremendous frenzy
of raking talons and yawning fangs, and starts bouncing across
the floor in kind of drunken dance.
Occasionally the cat will squirt free and flash through the
kitchen like fried lightning, coming to rest atop the piano from
whence it can direct its baleful glare at the tape now waiting
patiently on the floor; but eventually the fatal attraction
overcomes the cat's sense of self-preservation and the furious
battle is again engaged. This is the point where the tape may
inadvertently be attracted to table lamps and other furniture,
which must be carefully unplugged before the tape hurts itself
and any innocent bystanders. The fight can continue for some
time, but in the end the poor cat will run out of energy and the
last you see of it is a long furry tail flicking listlessly
above the pile of tape, like a dilapidated flag of truce.
At this point the cat will be asleep and the tape will have
sated itself upon the energy, and may be (carefully) replaced in
its terrarium. The cat of course is reusable, and will gain a
new charge overnight if you throw it outside before going to
bed. The tennis ball may have disappeared, in which case you
should look upstairs behind the clothes dryer (a natural
hyperspatial accretion and dispersion point).
I guess my main question is, is so much natural energy healthy
for a tape?
--