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List of all laws ================ Aigner's Axiom: No matter how well you perform your job, a superior will seek to modify the results. The Airplane Law: When the plane you're on is late, the plane you're transferring to is on time. Alinsky's Rule for Radicals: Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem. Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of. Amand's Law of Management: Everyone is always someplace else. Andras's Political Postulate: Foundation of a party signals the dissolution of the movement. Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer. Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes. Aristotle's Dictum: One should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible. The Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood. Arthur's First Law of Love: People to whom you are attracted inevitably think you remind them of someone else. Arthur's Second Law of Love: The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be dalayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of yourself in person. Atwood's Fourteenth Corollary: No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep. Ballance's Law of Relativity: How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. The Banana Principle: If you buy bananas or avocados before they are ripe, there won't be any left by the time they are ripe. If you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten. Baker's Law of Economics: You never want the one you can afford. Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't. Baruch's Observation: If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Basic Baggage Principle: Whatever carrousel you stand by, your baggage will come in on another one. Basic Law of Befuddlement and Football: The best defense is a good offense. Basic Law of Exams: The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want. Beach's Law: No two identical parts are alike. Bedfellow's Rule: The one who snores will fall asleep first. Beifeld's Principle: The probability of a young man meeting with a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer male friend. Bell's Theorem: When a body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. Berman's Corollary to Roberts's Axiom: One man's error is another man's data. Berra's First Law: You can observe a lot just by watching. Berra's Second Law: Anyone who is popular is bound to be despised. Beryl's Law: The "Consumer Report" on the item will come out a week after you've made your purchase. Corollaries: 1. The one you bought will be rated "unacceptable". 2. The one you almost bought will be rated "best buy." Bess's Universal Principles: 1. The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys. 2. You will reach it just in time to hear the click of the caller hanging up. Biondi's Law: If your project doesn't work, look for the part you didn't think was important. Bitton's Postulate on State-of-the-Art Electronics: If you understand it, it's obsolete. Blair's Observation: The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal. Bocklage's Law: He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke. Bogovich's Law: He who hesitates is probably right. Boling's Postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look. Borkowski's Law: You can't guard against the arbitrary. Borocz's Law of Research: When working with a dictionary of more than one volume, the next reference will be in the other volume. Bowersox's Law of the Workshop: If you have only one nail, it will bend. Bralek's Rule for Success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you when things go wrong. Britt's Green Thumb Postulate: The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness. Bromberg's First Law of Auto Repair: When the need arises, the tool or object closest to you becomes a hammer. Bromberg's Second Law of Auto Repair: No matter how minor the task, you will inevitably end up covered with grease and motor oil. Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. Brook's Laws of Retailing: Security isn't. Management can't. Sales promotions don't. Customer assistance doesn't. Worker's won't. Brown's Law of Business Success: Our customer's paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss. Bucy's Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. The Bumper-To-Bumper Belief: Traffic congestion increases in proportion to the length of time the street is supervised by a traffic control officer. The Bureaucracy Principle: Only a bureaucracy can fight a bureaucracy. Cafeteria Law: The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in will be taken by the person in front of you. Campbell's First Law of Automotive Repair: If you can get to the faulty part, you won't have the tool to get it off. Campbell's Second Law of Automotive Repair: If you can get the part off, the parts house will have it back ordered. Canada Bill's Motto: A Smith & Wesson beats four aces. Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool MOM. The Cardinal Conundrum: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true. Cheop's Law: Nothing ever gets build on schedule or within budget. Chisholm's First Corollary: If you do something that you are sure will meet with everybody's approval, somebody won't like it. Chisholm's Second Corollary: If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. Chisholm's Second Law: When things are going well, something will go wrong. Churchill's Commentary on Man: Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on. Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Cochrane's Aphorism: Before ordering a test, decide what you will do if it is (1) positive or (2) negative. If both answers are the same, don't take the test. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Collin's Conference Principle: The speaker with the most monotonous voice speaks after the big meal. Commoner's Second Law of Ecology: Nothing ever goes away. The Computer Programmer's Lament: Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it. Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on; eventually this person will be fired. Cooper's Metalaw: A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes. Cornuelle's Law: Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them. Courtois's Rule: If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less. Dale's Parking Postulate: If only two cars are left in a vast parking lot, one will be blocking the other. Darrow's Comment: History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history. Davis's Law: If a headline ends in a question mark, the answer is "no". Deal's First Law of Sailing: The amount of wind will vary inversely with the number and experience of the people you take on board. Deal's Second Law of Sailing: No matter how strong the breeze when you leave the dock, once you have reached the furthest point from port the wind will die. Dedera's Law: In a three-story building served by one elevator, nine times out of ten the elevator car will be on a floor where you are not. DeHay's Axiom: Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later. De Jesus's Observation: An expert is that person who is most surprised by the latest evidence to the contrary. DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper. Diner's Dilemma: A clean tie attracts the soup of the day. Dingle's Law: When somebody drops something, everybody will kick it around instead of picking it up. Disimoni's Rule of Cogitation: Believing is seeing. Dooley's Law: Trust everybody, but cut the cards. Dorr's Law of Athletics: In an otherwise empty locker room, any two individuals will have adjoining lockers. Dowling's Law of Photography: One missed photographic opportunity creates a desire to purchase two additional pieces of equipment. Drazen's Law of Restitution: The time it takes to rectify a situation is inversely proportional to the time it took to do the damage. Example: It takes longer to glue a vase together than to break one. Drew's Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes. Drew's Law of Professional Practice: The client who pays you the least complains the most. Drummond's Law of Personnel Recruiting: The ideal resume will turn up one day after the job has been filled. Ducharm's Axiom: If one views his problem closely enough he will recognize himself as a part of the problem Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. Dude's Law of Duality: Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur. Duggan's Law of Scholarly Research: The most valuable quotation will be the one for which you cannot determine the source. The Dumb Luck Rule: You can always hit what you don't aim at. Dykstra's Law: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Edelstein's Advice: Don't worry about what other people think of you -- they're too busy worrying about what you think of them. Eddie's First Law of Business: Never conduct negotiations before 10:00 a.m. or after 4:00 p.m. Before 10:00 you appear too anxious, and after 4:00 they think you're desperate. Edds's Law of Radiology: The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body you are required to place on it. Ely's Law: Wear the right costume and the part plays itself. Eng's Principle: The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change. Etorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. Evans's and Bjorn's Law: No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would. Evans's Law: If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you just don't understand the problem. The Extended Murphy's Law: If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence. Fahnestock's Rule for Failure: If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. Farber's Fourth Law: Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows. Farmer's Credo: Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- on Sunday pray for crop failure. Farnsdick's Corollary: After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself. Farrell's Law of New-Fangled Gadgetry: The most expensive component is the one that breaks. Felson's Law: To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. Femo's Law of Automotive Engine Repairing: If you drop something, it will never reach the ground. Ferguson's Precept: A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing." Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live. Fifth Law of Unreliability: To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. The Fifth Rule: You have taken yourself too seriously. Fifth Rule of Politics: When a politician gets an idea, he usually gets it wrong. Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. Finagle's Third Law: In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake. Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse. Finagle's Sixth Rule: Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. Finagle's Eight Rule: Teamwork is essential . . . it allows you to blame someone else. Finman's Bargain Basement Principle: The one you want is never the one on sale. First Law for Freelance Artists: A high paying rush job comes in only after you've committed to a low paying rush job. First Law of Applied Terror: When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important ones will be illegible. First Law of Bridge: It's always the partner's fault. First Law of Business Meetings: The lead in a pencil will break in direct proportion to the importance of the notes being taken. First Law of Class Scheduling: Class schedules are designed so that every student will have time to waste between classes. First Law of Computer Programming: Any given program, when running, is obsolete. First Law of Corporate Planning: Anything that can be changed will be changed up until there is no time left to change anything. First Law of Debate: Never argue with a fool -- people might forget who's who. First Law of Final Exams: Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final. Corollary: If you bring extra batteries, they will be defective. First Law of Kitchen Confusion: In a family recipe that you discovered in an old book, the most vital measurement will be illegible. First Law of Living: As soon as you're doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else. First Law of Money Dynamics: A surprise monetary windfall will be accompanied by an unexpected expense of the same amount. First Law of Office Murphology: Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corollary: Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it. First Law of Soci-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary. First Law of Travel: It always takes longer to get there than to get back. First Political Principle: No politician talks taxes during an election year. First Postulate of Iso-Murphism: Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other. First Principle for Patients: Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is or how to treat it. First Rule of Acting: Whatever happens, look as if it was intended. First Rule of Intelligent Tinkering: Save all the parts. First Rule of Negative Anticipation: You will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you don't burn your bridges until you come to them. First Rule of Superior Inferiority: Don't let your superiors know you're better than they are. Fish's First Law of Animal Behavior: The probability of a cat eating its dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it. Fish's Second Law of Animal Behavior: The probability that a household pet making a fuss to go in or out is directly proportional to the number and importance of your dinner guests, Fiske's Teenage Corollary to Parkinson's Law: The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available. Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's composed of aluminum and vinyl. Flugg's Rule: The slowest checker is always at the quick-check-out lane. Fourth Law of Kitchen Confusion: The one ingredient you made a special trip to the store to get will be the one thing your guest is allergic to. Fowler's Note: The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race. Fox on Levelology: What will get you promoted on one level will get you killed on another. Fox on Problematics: When a problem goes away, the people working to solve it do not. Freeman's Extension: . . . but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean. Freivald's Law: Only a fool can reproduce another fool's work. The Freeway Axiom: The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster. Frothingham's Fourth Law: Urgency varies inversely with importance. Fudd's First Law of Opposition: Push something hard enough and it will fall over. Futility Factor: No experiment is ever a complete failure -- it can always serve as a negative example. Fulton's Law of Gravity: The effort of catching a falling object will cause more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place. Gattuso's Extension of Murphy's Law: Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. George's Law: All pluses have their minuses. Gilb's First Law of Computer Unreliability: Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Gioia's Theory: The person with the least expertise has the most opinions. Glaser's Law: If it says "one size fits all," it doesn't fit anyone. Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences: Whoever has the gold makes the rules. Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney. 2. Never buy from a rich salesman. Golub's First Law of Computerdom: Fuzzy project objectivesare used to avoid the embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs. Golub's Second Law of Computerdom: A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long. Gourd's Axiom: A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. Grandpa Charnock's Law: You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Gray's Bus Law: A bus will arrive only when the would-be rider has walked to a point so close to the destination that it is no longer worthwhile to board the bus. Green's Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about. Greer's Third Law: A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do. Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above-average drivers. The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. Grossman's Lemma: Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday. Grossman's Misquote of H.L. Mencken: Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers. Ground Rule for Laboratory Workers: When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly. Gualtieri's Law of Inertia: Where there's a will, there's a won't. Gummidge's Law: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public. Hadley's First Law of Clothing Shopping: If you like it, they don't have it in your size. Hadley's Second Law of Clothing Shopping: If you like it and it's in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. Haldane's Law: The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, it's queerer than we CAN suppose. Hamilton's Rule for Cleaning Glassware: The spot you are scrubbing is always on the other side. Corollary: If the spot is on the inside, you won't be able to reach it. Hane's Law: There is no limit to how bad things can get. Hanggi's Law: The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree. Corollary: The more vital your research, the less people will understand it. Hansen's Library Axiom: The closest library doesn't have the material you need. Hardin's Law: You can never do just one thing. Harris' Lament: All the good ones are taken. Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. Hartley's Second Law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. Hecht's Fourth Law: There's no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do. Heid's First Law: Women's Liberation didn't. Heid's Law of Lines: No matter how early you arrive, someone else is in line first. Heid's Observation: Junk mail never quits. Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle: The location of all objects cannot be know simultaneously. Corollary: If a lost thing is found, something else will disappear. Helga's Rule: Say no, then negotiate. Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization. Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away. Shavelson's Extension: . . . having done its damage. Grelb's Addition: . . . If it was bad, it'll be back. Henry's Quirk of Human Nature: Nobody loves a winner who wins all the time. Herblock's Law: If it's good, they discontinue it. Hershiser's First Rule: Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't. Hershiser's Second Rule: The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up. Hershiser's Third Rule: The label "ALL NEW," "COMPLETELY NEW" or "GREAT NEW" means the price went way up. Heymann's Law: Mediocrity imitates. Higdon's Law: Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. Hill's Comment on Murphy's Law: 1. If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care. 2. If we have nothing to lose by change, relax. 3. If we have everything to gain by change, relax. 4. If it doesn't matter, it does not matter. Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man -- he will find an easier way to do it. Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out. Hoffer's Law: When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. Hoffstedt's Employment Principle: Confusion creates jobs. Hollenbeck's Law: The direction of take-off will be opposite that of the final destination. Holten's Homily: The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong. Horner's Five-Thumb Postulate: Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. Howden's Law: You remember to mail a letter only when you're nowhere near a mailbox. Howe's Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work. Munder's Corollary to Howe's Law: Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does. Hughes's Observation: Grass growing from sidewalk cracks never turns brown. Humphries's Law of Bicycling: The shortest route has the steepest hills. Hutchinson's Law: If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction. If it's worth doing it, it's worth overdoing. Imbesi's Law of the Conservation of Filth: In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. Imhoff's Law: The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank -- the really big lumps always rise to the top. Indisputable Law of Sports Contracts: The more money the free agent signs for, the less effective he is the following season. J.S. Gillette's Commentary on Decisions: I always know what I want . . . I just keep changing my mind. J.S. Gillette's Dictum: The only labor worth laboring at is a labor of love. Jacob's Law: To err is human -- to blame it on someone else is even more human. Jacobson's Law: The less work an organization produces, the more frequently it reorganizes. Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session. Jaffe's Precept: There are some things that are impossible to know -- but it is impossible to know what these things are. Jana's Law of Love: A dandelion from a lover means more than an orchid from a friend. Jana's Second Law of Love: Better a pebble given out of love than a diamond given out of duty. Jaruk's Second Law: If it would be cheaper to buy a new unit, the company will insist upon repairing the old one. Corollary: If it would be cheaper to repair the old one, the company will insist on the latest model. Jay's First Law of Leadership: Changing things is central to leadership; changing them before anyone else does is creativity. Joe's Law: The business contact that you have developed at great expense is the first person to be let go in any corporate reorganization. John's Collateral Corollary: In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it. Johnson's Law: The number of minor illnesses among the employees is inversely proportionally to the health of the organization. Johnson's Second Law: If, in the course of several months, only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening. Johnson's Third Law: If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue which contained the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read. Corollary: All of your friends either missed it, lost it or threw it out. Jones's Law: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on. Jones's First Law of TV Programming: The only new show worth watching will be cancelled. Jones's Second Law of TV Programming: If there are only two shows worth watching, they will be on at the same time. Jones's Third Law of TV Programming: The program you've been looking forward to all week will be preempted. Jones's Law of Zoos and Museums: The most interesting specimen will not be labeled. Jose's Axiom: Nothing is a temporary as that which is called permanent. Corollary: Nothing is a permanent as that which is called temporary. Juhani's Law: The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising. Karinthy's Definition: A bus is a vehicle that goes on the other side in the opposite direction. Katz's Law: Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted. Kauffman's First Law of Airports: The distance to the gate is inversely proportional to the time available to catch your flight. Ken's Law: A flying particle will seek the nearest eye. Kennedy's Comment on Committees: A committee is twelve men doing the work of one. Kent Family Law: Never change your plans because of the weather. Kerr-Marin Law: 1. In dealing with their OWN problems, faculty members are the most extreme conservatives. 2. In dealing with OTHER people's problems, they are the most extreme liberals. Kierkegaard's Observation: Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. Kirby's Comment on Committee: A committee is the only life form with 12 stomachs and no brain. Kitman's Law: Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen. Knagg's Law: The more grandiose the plan, the greater the chance for failure. Knox's Principle of Star Quality: Whenever a superstar is traded to your favorite team, he fades. Whenever your team trades away a useless no-name, he immediately rises to stardom. Kohn's Corollary to Murphy's Law: Two wrongs are only the beginning. Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Kranske's Law: Beware of a day in which you don't have something to bitch about. Lackland's Laws: 1. Never be first. 2. Never be last. 3. Never volunteer for anything. Langsam's Laws: 1. Everything depends. 2. Nothing is always. 3. Everything is sometimes. Las Vegas Law: Never bet on a loser because you think his luck is bound to change. The Last Law: If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong. Last Law of Product Design: If you can't fix it, feature it. Launegayer's Obversation: Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes. Lavia's Law of Tennis: A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or her opposition. Law of Annoyance: When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly. Law of Applied Terror: 80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed about the one book you didn't read. Law of Arbitrary Distinction: Anything may be divided into as many parts as you please. Law of Arrival: Those who live closest arrive latest. Law of Balance: Bad habits will cancel out good ones. Example: The orange juice and granola you had for breakfast will be canceled out by the cigarette you smoked on the way to work and the candy bar you just bought. Law of Christmas Decorating: The outdoor lights that tested perfectly indoors develop burn-outs as soon as they are strung on the house. Law of Class Scheduling: When you are occasionally able to schedule two classes in a row, they will be held in classrooms at opposite ends of the campus. Law of Gifts: You get the most of what you need the least. Law of Highway Construction: The most heavily traveled streets spend the most time under construction. Law of Human Quirks: Everyone wants to be noticed but no one wants to be stared at. Law of Institutions: The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm. Law of Kitchen Confusion: Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to save it only makes it worse. Law of Legislative Action: The length of time it takes a bill to pass through the legislature is in inverse proportion to the number of lobbying groups favoring it. Law of Life's Highway: If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Law of Observation: Nothing looks as good close up as it does from far away. Law of Political Machinery: When no viable candidate exists someone will nominate a Kennedy. Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Law of Regressive Achievement: Last year's was always better. Law of Reruns: If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode. Law of Revelation: The hidden flaw never remains hidden. Law of Telephone Dynamics: The phone call you keep waiting for comes the minute you're out the door. Law of the Great Idea: The only time you come up with a great solution is after somebody else has solved the problem. Law of the Individual: Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing. Law of the Lie: No matter how often the lie is shown to be false, there will still remain a percentage of people who believe it true. Law of the Lost Inch: In designing any type of construction, No overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:40 p.m. on Friday. Corollary: The correct total will become self-evident at 9:01 a.m. on Monday. Law of the Marketplace: Weekend specials aren't. Law of the Marketplace: If only one price can be obtained for any quotation, the price will be unreasonable. Law of the Perversity of Nature: You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter. Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Laws of Postal Delivery: 1. Important mail arrives late. 2. Junk mail arrives the day it was sent. The Leap Year Corollary: Exceptions always outnumber rules. Lee's Law: In any dealings with a collective body of people, the people will always be more tacky than originally expected. Lefty Gomez's Law: If you don't throw it, they can't hit it. Lefty Gomez's Principle of Productive Procrastination: They can't hit it while I'm standing here holding it. Lemar's Parking Postulate: If you have to park six blocks away, you will find two new parking spaces right in front of the building entrance. Leo Beiser's First Computer Axiom: When putting it into memory, remember where you put it. Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Lerman's Corollary: You are never given enough time or money. Levy's Eighth Law: No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail. Levy's Ninth Law: Only God can make a random selection. Lewis's Law: People will buy anything that is one to a customer. Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter, since nobody listens. The Lippman Lemma: People specialize in their area of greatest weakness. Livingston's Laws of Fat: 1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn. 2. A fat person walks in the middle of the hall. Loftus's Fifth Law of Management: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book. Loftus's Theory on Personnel Recruitment: Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent. London's Law of Libraries: No matter which book you need, it's on the bottom shelf. Lord Balfour's Contention: Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all. Lovka's Law of Driving: There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn. Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. Lunsford's Rule of Scientific Endeavor: The simple explanation always follows the complex solution. Luposchainsky's Hurry-Up-And-Wait Principle: If you're early, it'll be cancelled. If you knock yourself out to be on time, you will have to wait. If you're late, you will be too late. Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everybody leaves. Maahs's Law: Things go right so they can go wrong. McChristy's Computer Axioms: 1. Back-up files are never complete. 2. Software bugs are correctable only after the software is judged obsolete by the industry. McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50," you can bet it's not $19.95. McKee's Law: When you're not in a hurry, the traffic light will turn green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop. McKernan's Maxim: Those who are unable to learn from past meetings are condemned to repeat them. MacPherson's Theory of Entropy: It requires less energy to take an object out of its proper place than to put it back. Mae West's Observation: To err is human, but it feels divine. Malek's Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way. Manubay's Law for Programmers: If a programmer's modification of an existing program works, it's probably not what the users want. Mars's Rule: An expert is anyone from out of town. Mark's Law of Monetary Equalization: A fool and your money are soon partners. Maryann's Law: You can always find what you're not looking for. Mason's First Law of Synergism: The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut. Matilda's Law of Sub-Committee Formation: If you leave the room, you're elected. Matsch's Law: It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end. Matz's Maxim: A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking. Matz's Rule Regarding Medications: A drug is a substance that, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report. Matz's Warning: Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble. Mayne's Law: Nobody notices the big errors. Meadow's Maxim: You can't push on a rope. Meredith's Law for Grad School Survival: Never let your major professor know that you exist. Meyer's Law: It is a simple task to make things complex, but a complex task to make them simple. Meyers's Law: In a social situation, that which is most difficult to do is usually the right thing to do. Miles's Law: Where you stand depends on where you sit. Miller's Maxim: In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it gets replaced. Milstead's Christmas Card Rule: After you've mailed your last card, you will receive a card from someone you overlooked. Milstead's Driving Principle: Whenever you need to stop at a light to put on makeup, every light will be green. Minton's Law of Painting: Any paint, regardless of quality or composition, will adhere permanently to any surface, prepared or otherwise, if applied accidentally. Morris's Law of Conferences: The most interesting paper will be scheduled simultaneously with the second most interesting paper. Moser's Law of Spectator Sports: Exciting plays occur only while you are watching the scoreboard or out buying a hot dog. Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant, the population is growing. Mr. Cooper's Law: If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without it. Mrs. Weiler's Law: Anything is edible if it is chopped finely enough. Muir's Law: When we try to pick out anything by itself we find it hitched to everything else in the universe. Munder's Corollary: Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does. Murphy's Advice: Don't worry . . . nobody gives a hoot anyway. Murphy's Advice on Status: Keep up with the Grabowskis . . . you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses. Murphy's Constant: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. Murphy's (First) Corollary: Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. Murphy's First Corollary: Nothing is as easy as it looks. Murphy's (Second) Corollary: Every solution breeds new problems. Murphy's (Third) Corollary: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. Murphy's (Fourth) Corollary: It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. Murphy's First Law for Husbands: If you run into an old girlfriend -- no matter how innocently -- your wife will know about it before you get home. Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then add one more as an afterthought, he'll forget two of the first five. Murphy's First Law of Construction: Power tools will fail at the most inconvenient time possible. Murphy's Fourth Law for Husbands: Your wife's stored possessions will always be on top of your stored possessions. Murphy's Fourth Law of the Kitchen: When the meal you are preparing is on schedule, the guests will be forty-five minutes late. Corollary: When the guests are on time, the meal will be forty-five minutes late. Murphy's Guide to modern Science: 1. If it's green or it wriggles, it's biology. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work, it's physics. Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will. Murphy's Law of Government: If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate. Murphy's Law of Supply: If you don't need it and don't want it you can have tons of it. Murphy's Law of the Office: Copying machines mangle only important documents. Corollary: If a machine goes wild and runs off 180 copies, it will do so only when you are copying a personal letter. Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure. Murphy's Paradox: Doing it the hard way is always easier. The Murphy Philosophy: Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse. Murphy's Rule of the Term Paper: The book or periodical most vital to the completion of your term paper will be missing from the library. Corollary: If it is available, the most important page will be torn out. Murphy's Saving Grace: The worst is enemy of the bad. Murphy's Second Law for Husbands: The first time you go out after your wife's birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent. Corollary: If she's with you, she'll assume you chose it because it was cheap. Murphy's Second Law for Wives: The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you. Murphy's Second Law of Construction: When taking something apart to fix a minor malfunction, you will cause a major malfunction. Murphy's Third Law for Husbands: The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife. Murphy's Third Law for Wives: Whatever arrangement you make for the division of household duties, your husband's job will be easier. Murphy's Third Law of the Kitchen: The mixing bowl you need is always dirty. Murray's Laws: 1. Never ask a barber if you need a haircut. 2. Never ask a salesman if his is a good price. Murray's Rule of Football: The wrong quarterback is the one who's in there. Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof. Nagler's Comment on the Origin of Murphy's Law: Murphy's Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man of the same name. Natalie's Law of Algebra: You never catch on until after the test. Nelson's Law: The better the four-wheel drive, the further away you'll be when you get stuck. Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law: A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ten percent of the time; the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent. No one is listening until you make a mistake. No two identical parts are like. Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results. Norris's Law: The day of the big heat wave is the day the office air conditioning breaks down. O'Brien's Law: Nothing is ever done for the right reasons. O'Brien's Principle (The $357.73 Theory): Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line divisible by 5 or 10. O'Brien's Variation on Etorre's Observation: If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in. Oliver's Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are! Olivier's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. The one who snores will fall asleep first. Oppenheimer's Law: There is no such thing as instant experience. O'Toole's Axiom: One child is not enough, but two children are far too many. O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's law: Murphy was an optimist. Owen's Law for Secretaries: As soon as you sit down with a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold. Owen's Theory of Organizational Deviance: Every organization has an allotted number of positions to be filled by misfits. Corollary: Once a misfit leaves, another will be recruited. Pam's Law of Group Insurance: The illness you come down with is the one ailment your company-covered insurance does not cover. Pantuso's First Law: The book you spent $14.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow. Park's Law of Insurance Rates and Taxes: Whatever goes us, stays up. Parkinson's Law of Delay: Delay is the deadliest form of denial. Parkinson's Law for Medical Research: Successful research attracts the bigger grant which makes further research impossible. Parkinson's Second Law: Expenditures rise to meet income. Parkinson's Sixth Law: The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published. Parson's Law of Passports: No one is as ugly as their passport photo. The Party Law: The more food you prepare, the less your guests eat. Patry's Law: If you know something can go wrong, and take due precaution to prevent it, something else will go wrong. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor. Chapman's Commentary on Paul's Law: It takes children three years to learn Paul's Law. Paulg's Law: In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save. Perkins's Postulate: The bigger they are, the harder they hit. Perlsweig's Law: People who can least afford to pay rent have to. People who can most afford to pay rent build up equity. Perlsweig's Second Law: Whatever goes around, comes around. Perrussel's Law: There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong. The Pet Principle: No matter which side of door the cat or dog is on, it's the wrong side. Pfeifer's Principle: Never make a decision that you can get someone else to make. Phillips's Law: Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places. The Pineapple Principle: The best parts of anything are always impossible to remove from the worst parts. The Pitfalls of Genius: No boss will keep an employee who is right all the time. Pope's Law: Chipped dishes never break. Porkingham's First Law of Sportfishing: The more tangled your line is, the better the fishing is around you. Post's Managerial Observation: The inefficiency and stupidity of the staff corresponds to the inefficiency and stupidity of the management. Poulsen's Prophesy: If anything is used to its full potential, it will break. Price's First Law: If everybody wants it, nobody gets it. Pridham's Law of Golf: The only way to avoid hitting a tree is to aim at it. Priester's Law of Desire: The more you want it, the quicker the letdown after you get it. Principle of Design Inertia: Any change looks terrible at first. Pudder's Law: Anything that begins well, ends badly. Anything that begins badly, ends worse. Python's Principle of TV Morality: There is nothing wrong with sex on television, just as long as you don't fall off. Quantization Revision of Murphy's Law: Everything goes wrong all at once. The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line. Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services. Rap's Law of Inanimate Reproduction: If you take something apart and put it back together enough times, eventually you will have two of them. Reece's Second Law: The speed of an oncoming vehicle is directly proportional to the length of the passing zone. Relativity for Children: Time moves slower in a fast moving vehicle. Rennie's Law of Public Transit: If you start walking, the bus will come when you are precisely halfway between stops. Reverend Chichester's Law: If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down. The Revolutionary Law: The sloppier the rebel uniform, the more likely the overthrow of the existing government. Reynold's Law of Climatology: Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo. Ringwald's Law of Household Geometry: Any horizontal surface is soon piled up. Roberts's Axiom: Only errors exist. Berman's Corollary to Robert's Axiom: One man's error is another man's data. Robertson's Law: Quality assurance doesn't. The Rockefeller Principle: Never do anything you wouldn't get caught dead doing. Roger's Law: As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airliner encounters turbulence. Davis's Explanation of Roger's Law: Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence. The Roman Rule: The one who says it can't be done shouldn't interrupt the one doing it. Rominger's Rules for Students: 1. The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it. 2. The more specific a title is, the less you will be able to apply it. Ron's Observation: The scratch on the record is through the song you like most Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Ruckert's Law: There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion. Rudin's Law: In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible. Rudnicki's Nobel Principle: Only someone who understands something absolutely can explain it so no one else can understand it. Rudnicki's Rule: That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart. Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your law and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom. The Rule of Law: 1. If the facts are against you, argue the law. 2. If the law is against you, argue the facts. 3. If the facts and the law are against you, yell like hell. Rule of Political Promises: Truth varies. Rule of the Great: When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch. The Rule of the Rally: The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost. Rush's Rule of Gravity: When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all the other coins will roll out of sight. Russ' Law of Assembly: The one piece that holds the whole thing together will be missing. Ryan's Application of Parkinson's Law: Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage. The Sagan Fallacy: To say a human being is nothing but molecules and atoms is like saying a Shakespearean play is nothing but words and letters. The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. Sartre's Observation: Hell is others. Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in. The Sausage Principle: People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made. Savignano's Mail-Order Law: If you don't write to complain, you'll never receive your order. If you do write, you'll receive the merchandise before your angry letter reaches its destination. Schmidt's Law: If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break. Schnatterly's Summing Up of the Corollaries: If anything can't go wrong, it will. Schopenhauer's Law of Entropy: If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage, you get sewage. If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrel full of wine, you get sewage. Schrimpton's Law of Teenage Opportunity: When opportunity knocks, you've got headphones on. Seay's Law: Nothing ever comes out as planned. Second Law for Freelance Artists: All rush jobs are due the same day. Second Law of Applied Terror: The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want. Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong spelling. Second Law of Class Scheduling: A prerequisite for a desired course will be offered only during the following semester. Second Law of Computer Programming: The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. Second Law of Final Exams: In your toughest final -- for the first time all year -- the most distractingly attractive student in the class will sit next to you. Second Law of Gardening: Fancy gizmos don't work. Second Law of Kitchen Confusion: Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to save it only makes it worse. Second Law of Office Murphology: Office machines that function perfectly during normal business hours will break down when you return at night to use them for personal business. Second Principle for Patients: The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment. Seeger's Law: Anything in parentheses can be ignored. Segal's Law: A man with one watch knows the time. A man with two is never sure. Seits's Law of Higher Education: The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during your last semester. Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions. Seymour's Investment Principle: Never invest in anything that eats. Shakespeare's Law: Where love is great, the littlest doubts cause fear. Shapiro's Law of Reward: The one who does the least work will get the most credit. Shirley's Law: Most people deserve each other. The Siddhartha Principle: You cannot cross a river in two strides. Silver's Law of Doctoring: It never heals correctly. Silverman's Paradox: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. Simon's Law: Everything put together falls apart sooner or later. Simon's Law of Destiny: Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever. Sintetos's First Law of Consumerism: A 60-day warranty guarantees that the product will self-destruct on the 61st day. Sir Walter's Law: The tendency of smoke from a cigarette, barbeque, campfire, etc., to drift into a person's face varies directly with that person's sensitivity to smoke. Sixth Law of Applied Terror: At the end of the semester you will recall having enrolled in a course at the beginning of the semester -- and never attending. Skoff's Law: A child will not spill on a dirty floor. The Smiths's Law: No real problem has a solution. The Snafu Equation: The bit of information most needed is least available. Snider's Law: Nothing can be done in one trip. Sociology's Iron Law of Oligarchy: In every organized activity a small number of participants will become the oligarchical leaders and the others will follow. Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur. Soper's Law: Any bureaucracy reorganized to enhance efficiency is immediately indistinguishable from its predecessor. Souder's Law: Repetition does not establish validity. Spark's First Rule for Managers: Strive to look tremendously important. Spark's Second Rule for Managers: Attempt to be seen with important people. Spark's Third Rule for Managers: Speak with authority; however, expound only on the obvious and proven facts. Special Law: The workbench is always untidier than last time. General Law: The chaos in the universe always increases. Spencer's Laws of Accountancy: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Working capital doesn't. 3. Liquidity tends to run out. 4. Return on investments won't. Spencer's Laws of Data: 1. Anyone can make a decision given enough facts. 2. A good manager can make a decision without enough facts. 3. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance. Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink. Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle. Steiner's Maxim: The fact that you do not know the answer does not meant that someone else does. Stenderup's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up. Stewart's Law of Retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. Stitzer's Vacation Principle: When packing for a vacation, take half as much clothing and twice as much money. Stockmayer's Theorem: If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible. Strano's Law: When all else fails, try the boss's suggestion. Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crud. Sutin's Second Law: The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do. Sweeney's Law: The length of a progress report is inversely proportional to the amount of progress. Swipple's Rule of Order: He who shouts loudest has the floor. Taylor's Law of Tailoring: No matter how many alterations, cheap pants never fit. Telesco's First Law of Nursing: All the IV's are at the other end of the hall. Telesco's Second Law of Nursing: There are two kinds of adhesive tape: the one that won't stay on and the one that won't come off. Tenenbaum's Law of Replicability: The most interesting results happen only once. Terman's Law of Innovation: If you want a track team to win the high jump, you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot. Thal's Law: For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. Theory of Selective Supervision: The one time during the day you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks by. Thiessen's Law of Gastronomy: The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll. Thine's Law: Nature abhors people. Third Law for Freelance Artists: The rush job you spent all night on won't be needed for at least two days. Third Law of Committo-Dynamics: Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen. Third Law of Kitchen Confusion: You are always complimented on the item that took the least effort to prepare. Example: If you make roast turkey, you will be complimented on the baked potato. Thom's Law of Marital Bliss: The length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding. Tillis's Organizational Principle: If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know where it is. Todd's First Two Political Principles: 1. No matter what they're telling you, they're not telling you the whole truth. 2. No matter what they're talking about, they're talking about money. Tracey's Time Observation: Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever. Trischmann's Paradox: A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth. Troutman's Fifth Programming Postulate: If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it. Troutman's Sixth Programming Postulate: Profanity is the one language all programmers know best. Truman's Law: If you cannot convince them, confuse them. Tupper's Political Postulate: He who walks astride the fence has few directions from which to choose. Tussman's Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. Tylczak's Probability Postulate: Random events tend to occur in groups. The Unapplicable Law: Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. Universal Equine Equation: At any particular time, there are more horse's asses in the world than horses. The Unspeakable Law: As soon as you mention something . . . . . . if it's good, it goes away. . . . if it's bad, it happens. Van Gogh's Law: Whatever plan one makes, there is a hidden difficulty somewhere. Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. Vile's Law of Communication: No one is listening until you make a mistake. Vile's Law of Roadmanship: Your own car uses more gas and oil than anyone else's. Vile's Law of Value: The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs. Wagner's Law of Sports Coverage: When the camera focuses on a male athlete he will spit, pick or scratch. Wallace's Observation: Everything is in a state of utter dishevelment. Walton's Law of Politics: A fool and his money are soon elected. Warren's Rule: To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most. Washlesky's Law: Anything is easier to take apart than to put together. The Watergate Principle: Government corruption is always reported in the past tense. Weaver's Law: When several reporters share a cab on an assignment, the reporter in the front seat pays for all. Weber's Definition: An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing. Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Weinberg's First Law: Progress is made on alternate Fridays. Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references. Welwood's Axiom: Disorder expands proportionately to the tolerance for it. Westheimer's Rule: To estimate the time it takes to do a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus, we allocate two days for a one-hour task. Wethern's Law of Suspended Judgement: Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. Whistler's Law: You never know who's right, but you always know who's in charge. White's Chappaquidick Theorem: the sooner and in more detail you announce the bad news, the better. Willoughby's Law: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some. Winfield's Dictum of Direction Giving: The possibility of getting lost is directly proportional to the number of times the direction-giver says "you can't miss it." Witten's Law: Whenever you cut your fingernails you will find a need for them an hour later. Witzling's Law of Progeny Performance: Any child who chatters nonstop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate for an audience. Wolter's Law: If you have the time, you won't have the money. If you have the money, you won't have the time. Woodside's Grocery Principle: The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs. Worker's Dilemma: 1. No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough. 2. What you don't do is always more important than what you do do. Working Cook's Laws: 1. If you're wondering if you took the meat out to thaw, you didn't. 2. If you're wondering if you left the coffee pot plugged in, you did. Wright's First Law of Quality: Quality is inversely proportional to the time left for completion of the project. Wyszkowski's First Law: No experiment is reproducible. Wyszkowski's Second Law: Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough. Yeager's Law: Washing machines only break down during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off. Young's Law: All great discoveries are made by mistake. Young's Law of Inanimate Mobility: All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way. Young's Principle on Emergent Individuation: Everybody wants to peel his own banana. Yount's Law of Mail Ordering: The most important item in an order will no longer be available. Zadra's Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Zappa's Law: There are two things on earth that are universal, hydrogen and stupidity. Zelman's Rule of Radio Reception: Your pocket radio won't pick up the station you want to hear most. Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor: People are always available for work in the past tense. Zymurgy's Seventh Exception to Murphy's Law: When it rains, it pours.