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What did the boy mushroom say to the girl mushroom?
Hey, I'm a fun guy!
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed that all the women were paying
attention to this real geeky guy. He was 4'11", fat, bald, and pimply,
not to mention the coke-bottle glasses and that he sniffled a lot. He
motioned to the bartender, "Hey, what gives? Why are all the chicks
interested in that lump over there?" "Dunno," replied the bartender,
"He came in here, sat down, and didn't say anything to them. Just
stared into space licking his eyebrows."
How can a women lose lots of ugly fat quick?
DIVORCE HIM!!!!
Like my brother is so stupid he has to take his pants off to count to
21.
Like he is so stupid when they were handing out brains he thought they
said trains so he asked for a slow one.
What do waterfowl use for bondage?
DUCK TAPE!!!!
Who killed more Indians that General Custer?
Union Carbide.
Who was voted the MVP in the 1984 Hockey season?
Indira Gandhi: she stopped 10 shots in 7 seconds.
How do you stop a JAP from craving sex constantly?
Marry her.
What's an ideal JAP house?
15 rooms, no kitchen, no bedroom.
What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
A: "Darling."
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JOAN COLLINS AND THE TITANIC?
ONLY 1500 WENT DOWN ON THE TITANIC.
How many computer mainframe support people does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
At least fifty...One to screw it in...the other forty-nine to study
the security and networking implications!!!
If you are on a centrally supported mainframe - you'll understand.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
NONE!! That's a hardware problem!
What do the initials PLO stand for? Push Leon Overboard
Heard about the new drink called a Klinghoffer?
Two shots and a splash.
?Why didn't Leon Klinghoffer take a shower the night before the hijacking
He figured he'd wash up on the beach.
What do you call an Iranian fanatic on a roof?
Shiite on a Shingle. <That one's not that funny>
Heard about the WASP who turned into a store and left the door ajar....
There is an old story about Prime Minister Gladstone, who was having a
chat with Benjamin Disraeli, while getting a blow job by a young
British Army Regular. Gladstone was so intent on his discussion that
he had to be interrupted by the youngster, who informed him, "Excuse me
sir, but you've come." "Why, by George, so I have!" he replied
cheerily, and tipped the lad a sovereign.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a nymphomaniac?
You can unscrew the light bulb.
A DRUNK WAS STAGGERING DOWN THE STREET WITH A BOX UNDER EACH ARM.
A POLICEMAN STOPS THE DRUNK AND ASKS:
"EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THOSE BOXES UNDER YOUR ARMS?"
"well, occifer, under me left arm i've got a 5 bottles of whiskey,
just in case of snake bite, don't ya know"
"THAT'S JUST FINE, SIR. NOW WHAT'S IN THE OTHER BOX?"
"oh, just snakes..."
How can you tell the difference between the drunks and everyone else
during and earthquake?
- The drunks are the only ones able to walk halfway decent
Re: JOKE
Mark Twain's assessment of the music of Richard Wagner:
"It's not as bad as it sounds."
Bumper Sticker Seen in L.A;
"Fresh Air Smells Funny"
WHAT WAS PELLE LINDBERGH'S NICKNAME?
(HARVEY WALLBANGER)
What's the difference between midget bank robbers and the Radcliffe
track team? One's a group of cunning runts...
What's the difference between a magic show and a porno show?
One's a cunning array of stunts...
THIS ONE'S FOR ALL THE GUYS OUT THERE: Any of you know the difference
between sashimi and cunnilingus? If not, I know this great Japanese
restaurant...
A man, feeling rather self-satisfied after his performance, asked his
new-found lady friend if he was her first lover. "I think so," she
replied, "Your face did look familiar."
?What's this? <Stomp on the floor 3 times>
CPR for an AIDS victim.
HOW MANY SOLDIERS DOES IT TAKE xDTO WIN THE WAR?????
200 ONE TO DO THE SHOOTING AND 199 TO USE THE $600.00 TOILET SEATS.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PROSTITUTE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?
FULL!!!
WHAT DO YOU CALL A HALF-WIT AT TEXAS A & M? GIFTED!
HOW MANY 'REAL MEN' DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
NONE - REAL MEN AREN'T AFRAID OF THE DARK.
DID YOU SEE THE NEW ROCK HUDSON DESIGNER JEANS?
THEY HAVE ZIPPERS ON BOTH SIDES.
DID YOU HEAR WHY ROCK HUDSON'S CAR INSURANCE WENT UP?
HE GOT REAR ENDED TOO MANY TIMES.
WHAT DID ROCK HUDSON SAY TO DORIS DAY WHEN SHE WAS CRYING?
ROLL OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.
WHAT DID ROCK HUDSON SAY WHEN HE WAS ASKED WHO GAVE HIM AIDS?
HE SAID "I DON'T HAVE EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD."
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PRETTY GIRL IN MINNESOTA?
A TOURIST.
WHAT IS THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF MINNESOTA?
INTERSTATE 35.
WHAT DO ELEPHANTS USE FOR TAMPONS?
SHEEP.
WHAT DO ELEPHANTS USE FOR VIBRATORS?
EPILEPTICS.
So, the doctor goes into the sick man's room...
"I have some GOOD news and some BAD news", the Doctor said.
"Well, let's hear the GOOD news frist", the Man said
the doc pauses... "you have 24 hours to live !" he blirs out.
"WHAT ??" the man gasps, "that's the GOOD news... what's the
BAD news??"
"I should have told you yesterday...", said the doctor.
I'VE HAD SUCH A BAD DAY I COULD HAVE FALLEN INTO A BARREL OF TITS
AND COME UP SUCKING A THUMB.
Did you hear about the new strain of AID?
its called hearing-AIDS
You get it by listeni to Assholes.
A YOUNG LADY AMERICAN TOURIST IN EDINBURGH APPROACHES AN ELDER SCOTSMAN
?AND SAYS, "fORGIVE ME FOR ASKING SUCH A PERSONAL QUESTION, BUT I'VE
ALWAYS WONDERED--IS ANYTHING WORN UNDER THE KILT?" HE REPLIES, "NAY,
LASSIE--GOOD AS EVER."
Ok folks. 1. Everybody stand up.
2. Now, bend over and grab your knees.
3. Good, next spell RUN very slowly.
4. ...Another sucker born every minute.
A man having just purchased a gold mine sight unseen shows up at the
diggings to survey his holdings and be sure everything is in order.
Upon arrival he finds 3 men doing nothing, so he quickly sizes up the
workers and assigns them each a task...To the big Swede>> the job of
pushing the wheelbarrow...To the strong pollock>> the pick and shovel
duties...and to the little Chinaman...???...In charge of Supplies.
A few weeks later he returns to se how it's going. The Swede and the
Pollock are slaving away dutifully but the damn little Chinaman is
NOWHERE to be found! He looks high and low, inside and out, but to no
avail. Suddenly, out from behind a nearby rock, the Chinaman leaps out
and yells "SUPPLIZE!!!"
You know, most men aren't born Gay, but many are sucked into it.
WHAT'S BAD: BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY THE PLO
WHAT WORSE: BEING RESCUED BY THE EGYPTIANS