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Date: Sun, 30 Aug 87 14:20:41 EDT From: Alan Bawden <ALAN@AI.AI.MIT.EDU> Subject: Deja vu To: GUARD-JOKES@AI.AI.MIT.EDU Message-ID: <248327.870830.ALAN@AI.AI.MIT.EDU> On Friday evening the Chief Guard insisted on seeing ID cards of everyone entering the building. He did this despite the fact that the guard-on-duty was insisting that he recognized us and we shouldn't be hassled. As usual he was spouting off about this being a "new policy", etc. This afternoon, of course, nobody blinked when I just walked right in without stopping... Date: Thu, 26 Mar 87 20:57:27 EST From: Alan Bawden <ALAN@AI.AI.MIT.EDU> Subject: Brainless Security Procedures To: BUG-S&S@MC.LCS.MIT.EDU, PHW@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU cc: GUARD-JOKES@AI.AI.MIT.EDU, FEATURE-ENTENMANNS@AI.AI.MIT.EDU Message-ID: <174364.870326.ALAN@AI.AI.MIT.EDU> I just had the Guard give me a real hard time because I used the "wrong" door to enter the building. I entered from the courtyard side, rather than from the parking lot side. The door was -not- locked, but the Guard claimed that in the future (when they get the lock fixed) it would be, so I should start using the parking lot doors now. I find this to be the ultimate mickey-mouse regulation, and I certainly intend to disobey it at every opportunity. I presume that what is going on here is that the Guard company has mis-understood the procedure that we arranged with S&S where two of the -inner- doors were to be blocked so that people would be forced to pass in front of the guard's desk. Locking the doors on one side of the building implies that the guard is incapable of turning his head to the left. Date: Thu, 26 Feb 87 00:07:33 EST From: "Devon S. McCullough" <DEVON@AI.AI.MIT.EDU> To: GUARD-JOKES@AI.AI.MIT.EDU Message-ID: <159700.870226.DEVON@AI.AI.MIT.EDU> I finally figured out what one problem with the elevators is last week when I boarded an elevator full of elevator repair men with alcohol on their breaths. They were in a jolly good mood but when they noticed they were going down instead of up they punched the next floor and got off. Well well well. Just now I went down to the basement to get a drink, since the machine in the 7th floor lobby is delivering frozen treats tonight, but I had to change elevators in the main lobby to go all the way down. The freight elevator door was partly ajar and I had to push it open to get in. The captain of the guards watched me, and lectured me about safety and told me never to push open elevator doors again. I replied with my tale of happy elevator repair crews, and said that if we are to use the facilities in their present condition, we have no choice, he said that wasn't his department but I should always call the guards if there is a problem like this. When I told him this was not acceptable he took my name, so I guess I'm now on some S&S blacklist. Oh well. Next time I'll let the guard open the door for me. --Devon Received: from MC.LCS.MIT.EDU by AI.AI.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 3 MAY 86 14:27:02 EDT Received: from REAGAN.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 3 MAY 86 14:26:16 EDT Received: from SID.AI.MIT.EDU by MIT-REAGAN.ARPA via CHAOS with CHAOS-MAIL id 30873; Sat 3-May-86 14:27:02-EDT Date: Sat, 3 May 86 14:25 EDT From: Daniel Weise <DANIEL@MIT-AI.ARPA> Subject: Sleeping guard. To: guard-jokes@MIT-MC.ARPA, karen@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU Message-ID: <860503142518.1.DANIEL@SID.AI.MIT.EDU> Right now, 2:30 pm on Saturday, the lobby guard is asleep. Daniel Received: from MC.LCS.MIT.EDU by AI.AI.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 30 APR 86 23:14:04 EDT Date: Wed, 30 Apr 86 23:13:48 EDT From: "David M. J. Saslav" <SAZ@MC.LCS.MIT.EDU> To: KAREN@MC.LCS.MIT.EDU cc: GUARD-JOKES@MC.LCS.MIT.EDU Message-ID: <[MC.LCS.MIT.EDU].900428.860430.SAZ> In the past two weeks I have encountered one guard smoking (twice), and another guard *sleeping* at the entrance desk. I hope the Lab is saving a bundle with this "People's Express" security service... saz Received: from OZ.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 14 MAR 86 09:15:44 EST Date: Fri, 14 Mar 1986 09:12 EST Message-ID: <ELIZABETH.12190637701.BABYL@MIT-OZ> From: ELIZABETH%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU To: rms%PREP.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU (Richard M. Stallman) cc: guard-jokes%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU Subject: [John J. Hynes <HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU>: Building Security] In-reply-to: Msg of 13 Mar 1986 23:01-EST from rms at PREP.AI.MIT.EDU (Richard M. Stallman) We will simply have to train the new guards. A sop to Cerberus? [``Friend, Bill, FRIEND! Goooood Bill...here, have a biscuit...''] Received: from OZ.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 MAR 86 23:10:27 EST Received: from XX.LCS.MIT.EDU by OZ.AI.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 Mar 86 23:08-EST Received: from PREP.AI.MIT.EDU by XX.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 Mar 86 23:01-EST Received: by PREP.AI.MIT.EDU; Thu, 13 Mar 86 23:01:34 est Date: Thu, 13 Mar 86 23:01:34 est From: rms@PREP.AI.MIT.EDU (Richard M. Stallman) To: ELIZABETH%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU Cc: guard-jokes%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU In-Reply-To: "Elizabeth Willey"'s message of Thu 13 Mar 86 12:06:30-EST Subject: [John J. Hynes <HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU>: Building Security] What a shame. All those nice guards who know everyone, gone. Received: from OZ.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 MAR 86 21:19:54 EST Date: Thu 13 Mar 86 12:06:30-EST From: "Elizabeth Willey" <ELIZABETH%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU> Subject: [John J. Hynes <HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU>: Building Security] To: guard-jokes%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU Message-ID: <12190407157.8.ELIZABETH@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU> Received: from MC.LCS.MIT.EDU by OZ.AI.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 Mar 86 10:40-EST Received: from XX.LCS.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU 13 Mar 86 10:39:04 EST Date: Thu 13 Mar 86 10:25:55-EST From: John J. Hynes <HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU> Subject: Building Security To: *mac@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU cc: tina@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU Message-ID: <12190388845.74.HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU> Spaulding & Slye, has just terminated it's contract with 1st Security. The termination is to be effective April 14, 1986. After that date guard duty will be performed by Burns International Security Service. In the meantime, if you notice any deterioration in the service provided by 1st Security, please bring it to my attention as soon as possible. Thank you. John Hynes ------- ------- Received: from OZ.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 5 JAN 86 17:49:51 EST Date: Sun 5 Jan 86 17:46:39-EST From: "David M. J. Saslav" <SAZ@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU> Subject: Smorgasbord! To: guard-jokes@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU Message-ID: <12172905430.57.SAZ@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU> For a time today there was a sign (and nothing else!) at the guard's desk in the 1st floor lobby: "Guard is on rounds -- back in ten minutes" If the guards aren't there the entire 24 hours each day, what's the purpose? I wonder how many randoms took advantage of this spontaneous hardware smorgasbord... saz ------- Date: 6 November 1984 08:53-EST From: Daniel Weise <DANIEL @ MIT-MC> Subject: Reagan hasn't been reelected yet... To: GUARD-JOKES @ MIT-MC but the war has already begun. Remember to send your stories to GUARD-JOKES. (For those of who who don't know yet, we are supposed to sign in at night and weekends again.) Date: Thursday, 19 May 1983, 23:50-EDT From: Christopher C. Stacy <CStacy at MIT-MC> Subject: friendly To: guard-jokes at MIT-MC When I came in tonight, the friendly guard who recognizes me told me that if I signed my first name in the book, he would not ask me to do so again. So (of course) I did. He seemed real happy about it. Date: Fri, 13 May 1983 23:13 EDT From: Leigh L. Klotz <KLOTZ@MIT-OZ> To: guard-jokes@MIT-OZ I came in about 8:30 tonight and two of the elevators were in the basement with the ``Emergency Stop'' buttons on. That's supposed to make an alarm go off, but it wasn't going off. The two other elevators were stopped on the 9th floor. I don't know what they were doing. Many floor buttons were pressed on the ones in the basement, indicating that people had tried to get them to work but couldn't. I just happened to look at the emergency stop button. I saw Seymour and Sherry here, and heard that Seymour had to carry a pizza up seven flights of stairs! Meanwhile, back at the desk, the guards were protecting us -- as long as they knew our names (first and last). Leigh. Date: 13 May 1983 13:15 EDT From: Christopher C. Stacy <CSTACY @ MIT-MC> To: GUARD-JOKES @ MIT-MC The guards who hasslme me each day usually insist on full first name and last name, and get very upset when I sign in or out with a first initial and last name. Last night on my way out, the guard threatened to write me down on some "bad" list for someone or another. I encouraged him to do so, exaplaining that whoever started this silly stuff should be aware that I do not intend to along with it. I intend to start showing and using an official ID card I have (from MIT) which lists my name only as "CSTACY", if this keeps up. Date: Thursday, May 12, 1983 9:10PM-EDT From: Kent M. Pitman <KMP@MIT-OZ> Subject: by the way,... To: karen at MIT-OZ, guard-jokes at MIT-OZ On the way out, I was standing in line behind Jeanette Wing. She signed out J. Wing. No doubt because the guard on the way in had been quite clear that "First initial; last name" was what was called for. Anyway, this was a different guard and said in a very nasty tone of voice "Sign your whole first name please." She very reasonably pointed to all the names above hers and said "How come none of these people before me had to do that?" It was true; there were all last names, login names, etc. above her because a different guard (now on rounds) had been taking names. He didn't answer her and just told her to put down her full name. She did. So I wrote "KMP" and he said I should sign my first name. Carfully inspecting the sign below the desk, I noticed that it didn't specify the format and figuring that since I'd signed in KMP, it would confuse things to sign out with a different name. Besides, what was he going to do? Keep me from leaving? Signing out is obviously only a matchfix operation so they can tell when people leave the building. Anyway, he asked for my ID (which I figured was compeltely reasonable) and I showed him that and he wrote me down on some "bad list" to show his boss. I am again not sure what it proves to show ID to say my initials are valid when I wouldn't have to show ID to prove a longer name was valid. At least on the way back in I was able to just sign my initials since I pointed out that he already had my name down on his "bad list" (still in plain sight) and therefore knew I was "good". He agreed and let me go. Date: Thursday, May 12, 1983 8:39PM-EDT From: Leigh L. Klotz <KLOTZ@MIT-OZ> Subject: To: guard-jokes at MIT-OZ KMP speaks the truth. The guard was so busy chasing the polaroid babbit that people came and left without signing the book -- some were unaware that it was time to do it. Corbato&Fano were ahead of me in line, and saw the incident too. The guard made the polaroid person get at the back of the line! Date: 12 May 1983 18:37 EDT From: Kent M. Pitman <KMP @ MIT-MC> To: GUARD-JOKES @ MIT-MC On our way into the building tonight (at exactly 6pm) Klotz, who was on his way out, stopped us and told us he'd just seen an over-enthusiastic guard chase a Polaroid employee out into the parking lot and make him come back and sign out ... and that while he was away, others had been able to walk up to the guard desk and sign out or not as they chose since no one was watching... We (Daniel, Fleck, and I) continued on and got to the desk. As I was about to sign in, the guard said in a tone that suggested that I might be walking in the opposite direction "Sign in please. First initial and last name." I signed "KMP, Fleck, Daniel AI 7,8 6:05" or some such and turned and left. We weren't carded and the guard evidently didn't even look at what I'd written because he asked Daniel and Margaret to come back and sign in. Upon being told I'd signed in for them, he said I couldn't do that. So they went back and wrote something and we continued on our ways ... Will someone please tell these idiot guard that their job isn't to make life hard on us? They should: * Try to learn our faces and not card us if they know us. * Not give us a hard time about bringing guests in, or give our guests a hard time when we aren't sitting downstairs to greet them. * Not bitch at what we sign in the guard book since they don't even bother to check when we write real names if they are the same names on our ID cards anyway. I'm sure that if I wrote "M. Mouse" they would be happier than my writing "KMP". --kmp