💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › REAL › realprog.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 09:45:23.
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REAL PROGRAMMERS
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE SPEC -- USERS SHOULD CONSIDER
THEMSELVES LUCKY TO GET ANY PROGRAMS AT ALL AND TAKE WHAT THEY GET.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T COMMENT THEIR CODE. IF IT WAS HARD TO WRITE,
IT SHOULD BE HARD TO READ.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE APPLICATION PROGRAMS, THEY PROGRAM
RIGHT DOWN ON THE BARE METAL. APPLICATION PROGRAMMING IS FOR FEEBS
WHO CAN'T DO SYSTEM PROGRAMMING.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T EAT QUICHE. THEY EAT TWINKIES, AND SZECHWAN
FOOD.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE IN COBOL. COBOL IS FOR WIMPY
APPLICATION PROGRAMMERS.
REAL PROGRAMMERS PROGRAMS NEVER WORK RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. BUT IF
YOU THROW THEM ON THE MACHINE THEY CAN BE PATCHED INTO WORKING ONLY
A FEW 30-HOUR DEBUGGING SESSIONS.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE IN FORTRAN. FORTRAN IS FOR PIPE STRESS
FREAKS AND CRYSTALLOGRAPHY WEENIES.
REAL PROGRAMMERS NEVER WORK 0 TO 5. IF ANY REAL PROGRAMMERS ARE
AROUND AT 9 AM, IT'S BECAUSE THEY WERE UP ALL NIGHT.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE IN BASIC. ACTUALLY, NO PROGRAMMERS
WRITE IN BASIC, AFTER THE AGE OF 12.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE IN PL/I. PL/I IS FOR PROGRAMMERS WHO
CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER TO WRITE IN COBOL OR FORTRAN.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE IN APL. ANY FOOL CAN BE OBSCURE IN APL.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T PLAY TENNIS, OR ANY OTHER SPORT THAT REQUIRES
YOU TO CHANGE CLOTHES. MOUNTING CLIMBING IS OK, AND REAL PROGRAMMERS
WEAR THEIR CLIMBING BOOTS TO WORK IN CASE A MOUNTAIN SHOULD SUDDENLY
SPRING UP IN THEN MIDDLE OF THEN MACHINE ROOM.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T DOCUMENT. DOCUMENTATION IS FOR SIMPS WHO CAN'T
READ THE LISTINGS OR THEN OBJECT DECK.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE IN PASCAL, OR BLISS, OR ADA, OR ANY OF
THOSE PINKO COMPUTER SCIENCE LANGUAGES. STRONG TYPING IS FOR PEOPLE
WITH WEAK MEMORIES.
REAL PROGRAMMERS KNOW BETTER THAN THE USERS WHAT THEY NEED.
REAL PROGRAMMERS THINK STRUCTURED PROGRAMMING IS A COMMUNIST PLOT.
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T USE SCHEDULES. SCHEDULES ARE FOR MANAGER'S
TOADIES. REAL PROGRAMMERS LIKE TO KEEP THEIR MANAGERS IN SUSPENSE.
REAL PROGRAMMERS THINK BETTER WHEN PLAYING ADVENTURE.