💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › REAL › pirates2.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 09:44:34.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-------------------------------------
+ +
+ REAL PIRATES GUIDE VOLUME III V.2 +
+ -WRITTEN BY THE WHIP- +
+ +
-------------------------------------
The following is a list of what
pirate is or isn't. In many cases,
you will find similar experiences in
your own pirate life. As you see,
this text is formatted in 40 columns
which brings us to the first instance
REAL PIRATES do not care what the
width of a text was formatted in. They
can handle anything. Therefore all of
you 80 column owners, bare with it.
The Apple II/II+ will be around for
long time.
Real pirates realize that piracy
is not a crime; it is the only
solution. Real pirates do not get
paranoid of Sierra On-line's copy
violation warning: $50,000 fine and/or
imprisonment.
Real pirates don't worship hires
pictures. Real pirates can't afford
Hayes modem because they know it's not
worth the money. Real pirates never
made the mistake of buying a Hayes
modem. Real pirates don't try to use
Disk-fer with their Hayes modem. Real
pirates don't pick 'answer' mode in
Disk-fer simply because they know they
they will get their disk first.
Real pirates can send without
recieving. (Give without taking.)
Real pirates don't get I/O errors on
half their disks. Real pirates don't
use generic disks. Real pirates don't
use their apples for testing plant
growth and temperatures. Real pirates
don't replace their fish tank with
"Fishies."
Real pirates know what they have
in their library. Real pirates don't
delete something for everything they
get. Real pirates don't buy software
so they can be the first to crack it.
Real pirates don't waste their
money on software because they know
it's not worth it. Real pirates know
that Pole Position for the Apple will
never come out. Real pirates don't
make prank phone calls. Real pirates
don't advertise their bbs/ae/catsend
lines without keeping them up. Real
pirates run a bbs/ae/catsend line 24
hours a day or they don't run one at
all. Real pirates have two phone
lines. Real pirates realize that they
asked for it when they get a call for
their bbs/ae/catsend line at the wrong
time of the day. Real pirates know
that the South Pole is located in the
U.S.A.
Real pirates don't put their name
and numbers on other pirate's wares.
Real pirates don't put their friends
names on a crack just to make
him/her/it well-known. Real pirates
not pollute their wares with numerous
names, groups and numbers.Real pirates
do not update their whole system and
collection to Prodos. Real pirates
never run out of disk space. Real
pirates don't trade their Apple
II/II+/IIe in for a IIc. Real pirate
don't bug other pirates for "new
wares."
Real pirates don't freak out when
they meet a female pirate. Real
pirates are not conceited. Real
pirates don't make mommy buy the blank
disks. Real pirates know how to spell.
Real pirates don't play Stickybear
ABC. Real pirates are not racists.
Real pirates do not hang out on
homo-sexual based bbs's. Real pirate
can find in their collection what they
know they have. Real pirates are not
in a hurry to collect all of the
Trillium shit. Real pirates have
alternate ways of copying Time Zone
other than by modem. Real pirates
don't turn a file into a full disk so
they can slap their tacky title page
on to it.
Real pirates don't join groups so
they can become well-known. Real
pirates don't need a reason to have
access to a certain board or bbs. Real
pirates do not brag to computer
illiterates that they can break into
banks, etc. now with their new modem
when they know they can't. Real
pirates don't waste their time and
money driving miles to see other
pirates. Real pirates do not brag of
their alcohol/drug use; sexual desire
and experiences; and or suicide
attempts.
Real pirates do not know how many
disks they have, and do not care to
hear the notion of how many disks that
another pirate has. Real pirates don't
make obnoxious noises, sounds, moans,
groans, and tones while on a
conference line. Real pirates don't
get other pirates in trouble. Real
pirates don't bill other pirates.
(Unless he/she/it has done the same to
you.) Real pirates don't spend their
life typing in text-files. (Which is
why this one is almost done.) Real
pirates do not have to read files like
this one, they know what they are
already.
And finally, Real Pirates are no
pirates at all; They don't kill for
their reputation...they earn it.
-------------------------------------
Hope you are not offended by anything
writen in this text file, otherwise it
your cue to retire pirating, coz real
pirates are not offended by things
writen in text files.
-------------------------------------
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X