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From gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu Tue Apr 4 18:30:04 1989 Flags: 000000000001 From: gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu (Gabe M Wiener) Subject: Los Angeles Times Keywords: true, chuckle Date: 4 Apr 89 23:30:04 GMT The following memorandum was apparently circulated at the L.A. Times: -------- Los Angeles Times -- Intra-Office Correspondence To members of the Times staff: Because of the current outflow-inflow revenue imbalances, certain economy measures are being implemented throughout the newspaper for the duration of the difficulties. Your cooperation is necessary to help correct the imbalance more quickly. Starting immediately: --The Times' travel office has been instructed to book employees in more economical hotels; as a guideline, for example, any hotel providing mints on pillows is excluded from this list. For your further guidance, a hotel & motel guide "Corporate America on $29.95 a day," is being reprinted for distribution. --Any reporters/photographers traveling together will occupy only one room; for propriety's sake, they will sleep in shifts, one by day, the other by night. In case of a dispute over shift assignments, any editor at or above the rank of assistant metropolitan editor can be called in to mediate. --When traveling, do not purchase local newspapers. These can be obtained from hotel check-out desks, in the seating areas of coffee shops where they have been discarded by others, or taken from so-called "street people" sleeping on benches and sidewalks. --All reporters' notebooks will be issued by the city desk. Any request for new notebooks must be accompanied by turning in a used one, with all pages filled on both sides. When taking notes, please use abbreviations wherever possible; this will help to conserve. The same rule for turning in used items will hold for pens, and pencil stubs. New cassette tapes will be provided when old ones are turned in. To obtain further use from your tape recorder batteries, lick the battery head with the tip of your tongue and reinsert batteries in tape recorder. --Like first-class travel, first-class postage is now prohibited, except under extraordinary circumstances. Postcards will be provided through your department secretary. Any reporter wishing to send items first-class can petition orally or in writing to the city desk for the necessary stamps. --To avoid wastage of newsprint, street-vendor racks will be installed in the newsroom and throughout the building. Reporters deemed "need to know" can obtain coins from the city desk to purchase one (1) newspaper daily; others are encouraged to bring their newspapers from home, or to purchase them at work --When dining out of town while on company business, employees are encouraged to follow current Administration guidelines and use catsup as a vegetable. --To aid in our company "balance of payments," this fall, a company sales program, much akin to the Girl Scouts' cookie sales program -- will be instituted. Times-produced and Times-logo merchandise will be sold by employees in the course of their other duties i.e., reporters traveling around southern California for interviews and research. The Times' marketing division is preparing "kits," cases containing a sample array of Times merchandise, and order books. These kits should be available by December 1, and will be distributed by your supervisor. --To conserve energy, rolling blackouts of computer and electric-light power will be observed throughout the editorial department. We will try to time these to avoid any conflict with your department deadlines. --The Times is also instituting a suggestion plan to encourage employees' ideas on cost-cutting. Employees whose suggestions are adopted will be rewarded with free meal passes to the company cafeteria. ----- Gabe Wiener Columbia University -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing. If you MUST reply to a rejection, include a description of your joke because there is 0 chance I will remember which one it was.