💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › d-ned.hum captured on 2020-10-31 at 18:15:52.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
D-Ned by Andy Zaslow This is not copyrighted (c) 1984 by D. Griffith. If you really want to use it for commercial purposes, go ahead. Keep in mind(s), however, that everyone else in this world has the right to make as many copies of this document as they see fit. meln torp prot nabble, nabble zot nab - Richard Terrill, D. Griffith bork - Roland Bevan Once upon a time, there was a potato. This potato was however not a potato but a pink and green striped flea named Ned. Unfortunately, Ned was color-blind and unable to smell that he was pink and green (or green and pink depending how you looked at him, but it did not matter when he looked at him because he was color-blind or so he thought and we thought because it said so above). He jumped off a cliff (with a velocity, v and acceleration, a). Because Ned (or Joe as his enemies called him) took Physics I and he (or she) was unable to calculate his velocity upon impact, he survived even though the C compiler will not arrive until next week. So, it was just as will that he did know what the SWITCHe statement did because Moon Jockey Chung could not even be understood by Sam (also known as Ned or Joe or Sam or Ned or Joe or Sylvia or Bob or the cold little crumpled little piece of white little small piece of paper on the old large wooden dirty floor while MJC explains the C language). Suddenly!!! ( <-- not a real sentence) An oncoming train hit Ned (or...) and due to his background in physics and materials Ned (or...) destroyed the train with its poorly calculated momentum and was sentenced to life in prison for N years as N -> oo (infinity, that is) and there he stays whoever he really is. ================================================================= Part II (oo years later) Ned, who happened to be dead, was walking around his cell for he (or she) was a one celled organism and became entangled in his DNA and in the process split one of his genes into one piece two thirds as long as the original, one pi/4 as long as the original, one sqr(e/3.2) as long as the original, and one 0/1342 as long as the original. This would have created quite remarkable affects but as we said, Ned was dead. A few days or weeks or years or bergs (a unit of measurement named after Chris Berg) later is was still oo years later and Ned was released from prison. Ned was excited and frolicked through fields of flowers because he went and stored that in location 505, realizing at the same time that he did not know whether the location was expressed in decimal, hex, octal or any other integer base K, where K>5. This matter did not trouble Joe long for he looked up and saw the JMS (Jump to Subroutine) on the screen and his mind(s) or lack thereof was totally filled with the question "Why is the letter M used in the JMS statement?" He may have realized that it was the "M" from the word Jump, but his parser was unable to decode the question because he used double quotes around the 'M' and not single quotes. His brain then hung and he walked around aimlessly until he tripped over a cold boot and found himself vacationing in Africa. Not having any ROM he had to wait many years while hundreds of monkeys randomly keyed in code until power-up was achieved. Joe lived happily for many years epily for many years O ?0TCs as ```poNed (opi@ intimeoldoldoMJwhi i pin? C hep C BNed Sy, h intD. ? livlivlclclcOM cthe til laiCH $ use , hexni!exp