💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › rec.por captured on 2020-10-31 at 17:53:53.
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From bad@wonder.UUCP Mon Apr 3 17:16:54 1989
From: bad@wonder.UUCP (Bad Temperton)
Subject: The last word on the rec.porn.child debate
Hello. I'm Bad Temperton. You probably know me best as the
moderator of the wildly popular newsgroup, rec.porn.child.
There have been some misconceptions about this newsgroup
flying around lately, and I'd like to clear them up for you,
free of charge.
First, some background. Rec.porn.child was set up a couple
of years ago because a lot of people were tired of the drivel
in rec.porn and wanted something a bit more, well, special.
I volunteered to take some time off my arduous job as net
know-it-all to become the moderator.
Since then, it's become clear that there is a real market
for "young stuff" out there. I'm pleased to say that its
readership now numbers 500,000 readers solar-system-wide,
including all newsreaders in Arizona, the undergraduate
population of Warwick University, and the entire backbone
cabal.
There was some unfortunate controversy last fall about the
article entitled "How to Kidnap One for Yourself". I'm
pleased to say that this controversy has now been proven
to be completely unfounded.
I agree that the article was probably illegal. I agree
that it was probably offensive to all people who were
molested as children, all people who know anyone who was
molested, all people who have ever had children, and all
people who have ever been children. But these people are
probably a minority, albeit a vocal one.
So I'm glad there were so many people who supported so well
my right to send them anything they want to read. After all,
Absolute Freedom of Speech is almost the Most Important Thing
(second only to the Net itself). So I think we should continue
to silence those who think petty concerns like human dignity
are more important. The only way to keep Usenet the perfect
place to practise freedom of speech is to keep it almost
totally devoid of real-world concerns like the law and money.
Which brings me to the issue of my contract with the Devil.
Some people have objected to this plan, saying that it is
against the supposedly "anarchistic" Spirit of Usenet. Some
people have even called Usenet "the best argument against
anarchy ever put forward". In fact, Usenet is not an
anarchy. It is a libertarian Bradarchy, to get technical.
This means, roughly, that as more and more public institutions
pay to maintain it, the greed of some of its users will
reach a "critical mass" and they will try to take advantage
of it. This accords well with my political philosophy, which
is that (1) there should be no public institutions, and that
(2) everyone should be allowed to do anything they want.
(Except my employees, of course, but you have to draw the line
somewhere.)
My contract with the Devil is basically this. I give him a
newsfeed, for which he pays me $5,000/Kbyte. In return, he
gets to claim the mortal souls of all Usenetters who flame
others unnecessarily. I took a vote on this in alt.satanism,
since that seemed the place I was most likely to get support,
and I'm pleased to say it was very favourable.
For exact details, you can contact the Devil at
...!drugbaron!ayatollahvax!terriites!kremvax!jtower
but rest assured that this is a very mutually beneficial
arrangement. I make a profit, and, as everyone will agree,
within six months he'll have everyone on the Net.
Yours for a "free" Usenet,
--
Bad Temperton, Wonderland Wetware Ltd. -- Spuzzum, BC 604/555-1313