💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › AT › at9.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 10:09:44.
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T H E E V I L A N G E L ' S ###### ##########
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. V V . ### ##| #### ####
. |_| . . o ## #### ####
\|| |/|| . . . ,_____+_< _##_____ # # #__##
|___ ___| . . '------X\/ ) | \ /\ | ### ___#
. > x| . . ___\_/__|____ \/\ \_____| |
. \_/. /\ \__/\/ | |
. \/__________________/_____ |
__ ___ | | /\/\ |
| \ _|_ / | | |FF| |
| | __ | | __, , _ __ ^'^ | |JA| |
|__/ /__\ | --- | / | |/ \ / \ /x x\ | \/ |
| \___ | | | | | |--/ ==o== | |
| \___ \__| | \__ _\/U\/_ | |
________ || || | ___
/________\ | | MM MM | #####
||v v| | |\ /| | o | | |O ###
||o o| | | \/ | A N U A L | | | /_ ##
|| < | | CH! | | //| |\\ | ) |
|\\_// | REEE | | M | | M | _\ /_
|_\_/____| C ________ \_/ | / __ |
| ____ |S |DANGER| | |/ / |
._|_/ - \_|_, | # # | . | / / |
| |- - | | | o , . O @@@ | XX/ |
| | - | | | # O O | , _/o@X@ ______ | |
|__| - - |__| |______| | | O /_ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @|----|
##========## | || |o| | | \___@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@=| |
## _ ## \ __||||_||| @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ | |
| __o #_ _______./ | | |'|-|---_ @@@@@@@@@@@@@ \ |
| # |o| _) _|\. __- @@ WW@@ | /
| |__ |o| | \_ |___ -____ @@ @@ | |
| _/ |o| | \ < x\ _- || || _|__|
/ \___|o| ___ /__ \___o ______-- /_| /_| (____)
| '-| | _| | ---------
/ (__) (__)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
====================
Ring these boards!
====================
Zen BBS. 899-6180 All Speeds Running TBBS
on 4 lines.
The Twilite Zone. 562-0686 300/300 1200/1200 24 hrs a day!
Doodz Domain. 646-5861 All Speeds 23 hrs a day!
6463171
Furthur Regions. 725-1923 All Speeds 23 hrs a day!
The Crossover. 367-5816 All Speeds 23 hrs a day!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
=================
W A R N I N G !
=================
Read only under the supervision of adults.
Keep out of reach of Children.
Consult a doctor if pain persists.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
=================================
Pets for Profit! Killer Koalas.
=================================
By Lightening Bolt
Introduction.
-------------
Due to the inhibitive costs and the general community's negative
opinion towards conventional weapons, there has developed a new
trend in the terrorist, religious fanatics, minority group and
now police and military arms markets.
Until now, weapons have relied heavily on either high technology,
which is expensive, or the spontaneous reactions of chemicals to
cause damage which is, although effective, clumsy, not totally
reliable and often traceable.
There is now a pollution free, untraceable, reliable, cheap and
effective method of inducing havoc. The Koala, among other
animals, is viewed as the harmless, cuddly animal that munches on
gum leaves all day long. That is until now.
The breeding and training of such deadly animals is becoming one
of the world's most lucrative businesses. The major advantages to
entrepreneurs is the low capital investment, high profit margins
and the vast potential market.
When trained, these animals are not just animals, they're BEASTS!
Before you begin.
-----------------
Before you begin, you should do some research into your
clientele. It is good business to have your stock ordered before
they are actually ready to be delivered, it is also much safer.
It is also wise to specialise in one market. Supplying both the
terrorist and anti-terrorist markets could lead to embarrassing
confrontations and possible defamatory accusations.
What You Will Need.
-------------------
1. A plentiful supply of food.
2. A plentiful supply of Fosters Lager.
3. Military Grade Fencing.
4. A Shot Gun (Self preservation purposes only).
5. Good breeding stock.
6. GUTS!
Breeding/Training Camp.
-----------------------
<--------------- 100 Metres ----------------->
_________________________________________________________
|4 | |4 |
|__| ............................................. |__|
| ..1.......................................... |
| ............................................. |
| ............................................. |
| ............................................. |
| ............................................. |
| |
| |
| ________ |
| 3 |2 | |
| | | |
|__ |________| __|
|4 | |4 |
|__|___________________________________________________|__|
Area 1:
-------
One of the more important factors in the training of the Koala is
the habitat. The average backyard usually isn't big enough, nor
is there usually a sufficient food supply. This is one of the
reasons that this is a professional industry, and not really
suitable for the home hobbyist.
You should allow at least a ten metre square plot of land for
each Koala you intend to train. It must be heavily planted with
gum trees, and it is vital that the perimeter be fenced off,
preferably with 3 metre concrete barricades, but industrial
strength cyclone fencing is sufficient to begin with, but
seriously consider military standard electric fensing.
That area will be the Koala's off duty and relaxation area where
they can eat, sleep and do whatever else Koalas do after a hard
day's training. I cannot stress enough how important it is that
this area be as comfortable as possible for the Koalas, as a
psychologically balanced Koala is far more efficient in combat.
A plentiful supply of Fosters Lager should be placed in
convenient branches throughout this area. Victoria Bitter is also
acceptable. Under no circumstances should imported beers be used,
especially Kiwi Lager! Death or even worse, phycological damage,
may result.
Area 2:
-------
The Koala breeding area. This area MUST be securely barricaded
from the rest of the compound. It would be disastrous if one of
your less desirable male Koalas ruined your breeding program.
Area 3:
-------
This is the training area. It should contain various articles of
equipment with which the Koalas can improve their skills for the
environment in which they will ultimately be unleashed.
The usual rope bridges, fences, obstacle course items are a good
place to start. If you use your imagination you'll probably find
many of those articles you've had stuck in your garage for years
that you thought you'd use one day, will actually be able to
utilized here. I don't recommend you use vaulting horses, but if
you do, watch out for unusual enthusiasm on the Koalas' behalf,
and do regular head counts.
This area should also be used for getting your Koala's accustomed
to being shot at, bombed etc. A good exercise for this is to put
a grenade into a stuffed baby Koala, giving it to a dingo, and
unleashing your Koala's on the dingo. The point of the grenade is
twofold. One, the Koalas become accustomed to explosions. Two, it
is a humane way of destroying the dingo should it somehow survive
the Koala attack.
Area 4:
-------
Guard towers. As a precautionary measure to give advanced warning
of impending legal matters, and more importantly to keep a
watchful eye on the compound. It could lead to difficult
questions being asked of your activities if several blood hungry
Koala's escaped and began slaughtering the neighbours.
Breeding.
---------
The most important aspect of this business is a well planned
breeding program. The best stock to use is the Tasmanian Koala.
Recognised worldwide for their superior qualities, especially
their swimming abilities and heavy vehicle dodging abilities.
Once a suitable breeding pair is found, you should begin your
breeding program as soon as possible. It will take at least three
generations of carefully monitored breeding until you have a born
and bred Killer Koala.
With that in mind, you may be interested in trying cross breeds,
depending on your target market of course. For amphibian attacks,
you could try crossing a Koala with a Platypus. Consider the
abilities of this creature; the Combat Koalapus.
Other Things To Try.
--------------------
Instead of breeding Koalas, there are many other animals that can
be bred and trained for equally devastating results. Sometimes
Koalas just aren't suitable for the climate, the terrain or other
factors degrading their performance. Here are some other animals
you may consider experimenting with:
Location Animal Comments
-------------- ------------ --------------------------------
Rainforests Sloths Only with an ample amphetamine
supply.Has the advantage of
surprise.
Oceans Self Detonating Hunt in schools. Has great
Sardines learning abilities. Devastating!
Just ask the Titanic's Captain
how close that ice berg was.
Lochs Ness-Monsters Breeding stock hard to find.
Cities Guinea Pigs Awesome abilities to penetrate
high security areas undetected.
Readily available from pet shops.
Good for the home hobbyist.
Lemmings Once re-educated are excellent
for sky-scraper assaults.
Enemy Animal Comments
-------------- -------------- --------------------------------
Tanks Wombat Excellent Anti-Vehicle creatures.
Guerillas Leeches Excellent ambushing capabilities.
Tough training them to tell the
difference of friend & foe.
Aircraft Seagulls Excellent Anti-Turbine creatures.
New Zealanders Sheep Need I say more?
Potential Markets.
------------------
In the domestic market there are hundreds of unexploited
opportunities waiting for your attention. Perfect for the home
enthusiast, or someone without sufficient capital to invest in a
large scale operation. All you require is inventiveness and a bit
of ingenuity.
Once you have the domestic market in your grip it is time to
expand. The religious fanatics, minority groups, terrorists and
mafia/triads are just waiting to be introduced to the marvels of
modern creatures of destruction.
Why stop there? Why not become an international arms
supplier. There are a multitude of emerging nations without
sufficient funds to employ full scale armies to conquer their
enemies. An inexpensive alternative is their only option, and you
can provide that alternative. With the correct contacts [Also
read as Bribes - Ed] you may even be able to attain a Federal
Government Export Assistance Grant.
Think of it. A thousand Attack Armadillos, supported by 500
Kamikaze Kangaroos attacking some unsuspecting troops armed only
with grenades, machine guns, rocket launchers. Pity them!
Ideas
-----
The Mormon Market: After the door is slammed in their face,
they open their briefcase with one of your Hyperactive
MegaTermites. Once the door is down, they set loose one of your
Atheist Seeking Aardvarks, and they're 90% of the way to another
successful conversion.
The School Market: The fat kid that is always getting picked on
one day just can't take it any longer. He saves up his lunch
money, and buys one of your Homework Hungry House Mouse. He goes
to school as usual, but the first kid that calls him "fatty"
today will have to think of a better excuse than Joe's mouse ate
all my homework.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
==========
Petcare.
==========
By SYN ...
Choosing a Pet.
---------------
It is very important when choosing a pet to take into
consideration all aspects of keeping that pet happy and healthy.
You must select the pet that is right for you! [Is that why
SYN ... has a dog? - ED]
FISH.
-----
These must be amoung the easiest of pets to keep. Once an
aquarium has been set up they are both cheap and quick to look
after. [I look at my fish tank after sex, what about you
SYN ...? -Ed]
If you find a few fish lying on the bottom with slightly twisted
backs, then it is an indication that the water is polluted or that
you forgot to feed the fish for the past two months. [God! My
fish karked it after only two weeks without food - Ed.]
When you find that all the plants have died and that you can no
longer see through the glass then it is time to clean the tank.
It is an idea to remember to remove the fish from the tank
before draining out the water. [So that's what I did wrong! -Ed.]
Oh, above all else, don't forget; don't eat the green ones, they
aren't ripe yet! [Witty isn't she? -Ed.]
BIRDS.
------
Another hint for the animal lover who does not wish to spend a
great deal of time in upkeep of their pet(s). Quite deceptive
really, caged birds make more mess than an elephant in a
strawberry patch. [And slightly less than a baby in a food
processor with the top left off! -Ed.]
If you wake up one morning to find your birds a little cold and
stiff it is a sign that you forgot to wash the spray off the
lettuce leaves you gave them the night before. [Or that you left
the gas oven on, and it wasn't alight. Don't light up a cigarette
to test which it was! -Ed.]
Budgies: If you ever need to catch them, make sure you have
rubber hands or cast iron gloves- they bite! [I know women like
that! -Ed.] One small problem incurred is that they don't always
let go when you do [Are we talking budgies or the women I
know? -Ed.], and shaking your hand vigorously to flick them off
does wonders to the quality and quantity of stock as they are flung
against the wall. Also, be careful not to give into the
tempation of strangling the rotten little sods when you find
their beak comming through the other side of your finger.
[That narrows it down to 3 women I know. -Ed]
All this too much to cope with? How about you befriend some of
the local inhabitants of the area. [If they're female I know
most of them already. -Ed] All those bird scraps just
crumble and sprinkle on the verandah. You will soon be mates
with many a sparrow, their brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles,
cousins, friends etc etc. Just remember not to sit or lean on
the railings anymore.
Ever thought how nice it would be to have a feathered friend
keep you company when you went for a swim? [I've been swimming
with birds before! -Ed] Well, a duck is the pet for you. [I
haven't played that game before. Sounds almost as much fun as
Plat-A-Pussy! -Ed] This time, just remember not to walk on your
lawn bearfoot anymore.
Your alarm clock doesn't work any more? Get some chooks! Without
fail, your new rooster will graciously awake you at dawn, and
this multi-purpose pet will even more graciously appear as
Sunday's dinner within the month.
And if you feel that birds alone are not enough for you, never
fear! Within a few weeks your aviary or garage can become the
new home for all the local mice and their offspring.
DOGS: (Man's best friend - How's that for original!?)
-----------------------------------------------------
[And I thought there were better things in life than dogs!? -Ed]
Exercise is the most important thing besides everthing else. [? -Ed]
Depending on the weather and time of day will result in how your
dog wishes to exercise you. Most likely it will wish to give you
a 10 mile run when it's 35 degrees outside. [I thought a hundred
push-ups at 3am while stark naked was bad enough! SYN ..., I'm
not going out with you ever again if that's what it takes! -Ed]
And of course many cross country tracks that you never dreamed
of trecking will be followed as your dog races after rabbits or
the local cat. [And I thought dogs liked playing with balls! -Ed]
AND remember, your dog is the most lovable just when you have
given it a bath. [Showers aren't that bad either. Especially if
you've got a bottle of baby oil. -Ed]
If you like playing golf, then be sure to get your dog when it
is still young. By the time it's grown you will have your very
own 32 hole golf course in the back yard - free of charge.
(4 Pages of really boring comments that I couldn't make any
statements about were deleted here. In short, dogs dig up your
garden, make a mess of your lawn, have problems having puppies
and are still loved by some people. -Ed]
Miscellaneous.
--------------
After a generous, caring pet? How about a guinea pig? They will
undoubtedly leave you with a lovely(?) warm feeling in your lap
after petting them. [I really think I should leave the gaffer
tape joke out of this... but REALLY SYN ..., I expected better
from YOU! -Ed]
Want to get rid of that unused look of your new sofa? Then a cat
will be your choice. It will quickly select your sofa as it's
bed and a great means of sharpening it's claws. [I've had my
sofa messed up by a pussy or two myself! -Ed]
Goats are great when you are spring cleaning. You might leave
clothes lying around for some variety in their diet.
Rabbits are good for an inexpensive irrigation system in your
back yard and under your house. [Plus you can offer someone you
really hate some cheat sultanas. -Ed]
Sheep are great for keeping the lawns down. (Anohter multi-
purpose pet?) [Is that why New Zealanders have such well kept
lawns? -Ed]
Conclusion.
-----------
Well folks, I hope you are slightly more informed as to which
pet is best suited to you.
Things to remember:
* Don't forget to feed.
This can be determined with practice. Increase food
when you have trouble seeing your pet.
* Don't overfeed!
You have overdone it a little when your pet can no
longer move.
* Give plenty of exercise.
It is best to put a leash around your pet galah's
ankle, unlike a dog.
* Choose your pet according to your facilities.
- Don't be so inconsiderate as to purchase a duck
without a swimming pool!
- A dog if you don't have a garden it can excavate.
- A puppy if you don't have new carpets - oh, and
don't forget to leave your new Ug Boots lying around
either!
Have Fun choosing your new pet now! SYN ...
[I don't think I'll buy a SYN ... after all -Ed.]
---------------------------------------------------------------------
=========================
The Theory of Evolution
=========================
by
Charles Melbourne, or Perth. One of those big cities, anyway!
___
/ \
\ /
.__| |__,
| |
| | | | MAN
| | | |
\_/ \_/
| | |
| | |
_| | |_
(___|___)
|
\|/
|
| Here, at the time of the advent
| of computers, two species appear.
+-------+------+
NON-COMPUTER USERS | |
| | COMPUTER USERS.
\|/ \|/
| |
| |
__ +--->---+---<--+
/ o\___ | | |
| ____) | | |
\ ,---' | \|/ |
@ ____ | | | | | Here two more distinctly
@@@/ \/ / | | | different species emerge.
/ / / | | +-<+>-------------------------+
/ \ / | ------+ | | NERDS, LOSERS, ETC... |
\ /_/ | | | By some sick quirk of |
\_______/ | | evolution, these |
| | | | undesirable computer |
'E'E | | users survived. |
| | |
DODO: Some humans | | |
failed to become | | ________ |
computer users because | | /________\_ |
of a low learning | | / o\ ---------+
capacity | | \__________o/ |
| | \________/ |
| | |
| | SOFTWARE LEECHES. |
___________ | \|/ These users do nothing |
/ __ \_ | | but latch onto any |
| / \ x \ ---------+ | passing BBS's and suck |
\/ ___ \ \ \ | out several times its own |
/___ \__\ \__\| | body weight of software, |
\\\ \\\ | giving nothing in return. |
| ) ( |
THE MOLE: As the name | ( _ ( |
suggests, this is an | /#\ ) |
inflitrating animal, which is +-+ |#| ( |
believed to be a cross between | |#| ) ^_ |
a computing animal and a | \#\________/ o\ |
non-computing animal. The mole's | \######### _> --------+
function seems to be to burrow | | _____ ___/ |
into BBS's in search of illegal | | / | / |
activities which cannot be | |__) |__) |
mentioned here. Some say the mole | |
is a pest that should be | Many undesirable users |
irradicated, as they can | are possibly related |
completely undermine a board and | to the SKUNK, for people|
cause it to collapse and shut | tend to avoid, at all |
down, but they do have a good | costs, being in their |
point: they devour parasites | presence. The nerd call |
that could otherwise make a BBS | is an easy one for the |
die a slow, diseased death. | young zoologist to learn |
| and spot: "Hey, wot |
+----<----+ computa U got man!??!?" |
DESIRABLE USERS: | |
| #### |
It is difficult to | _ ###### |
say which animal is most| ______/o\ ######## |
like a desirable BBS user. / _= /##### --+
Take the females for example, \_|__|_/\_/########
[and who wouldn't like to take |_ |_ ######
the females?] at different times ####
they have been told/described/asked:
"You, my dear, are an The Scarab or DUNG BEETLE
utter BITCH!" has the odd habit of
"Oh, she's an old COW." turning a ball of dung
"Why won't you come to bed over and over to lay their
with me, my little TADPOLE?" eggs in. These creatures
... and so on. It is interesting are very similar to losers
to note how the males of the in the BBS world, because
Desirable BBS User species vastly THEY certainly manage to
outnumber the females. This leads spin a lot of.............
to much rivalry between the males
whenever a new female appears.
(eg Julie Alderman). Observations suggest that when a new
female appears the males all fight to win her over. What they
do is they all send as many sexually-orientated message as they
can. The female shows she has accepted a certain mate by
telling him in a public message to stop it. This way everyone
knows she made her decision, and everyone knows who it is.
In the Julie Alderman case, she appears to have chosen
Fearless Fred as her partner.
The distinctions between the male and the female of the
species are difficult to spot at a distance. On numerous
occasions the males have made passes at a feminine-sounding
user, only to find to their great embarassment "she's" really
a guy.
FURTHER EVOLUTION:
There is one other species which is even more advanced than
the desirable user in terms of evolution. This is the SYSOP.
ANATOMICAL DATA: SYSOP
Head: Right Side. /--a-\ a. Brain. Much more
/ @@@ b\ developed than that
ILLUSTRATIONS |@@@@@=0c of the normal user.
FROM AN EARLY |@@/ _> b. Optic nerve.
20th CENTURY BOOK \ X| |\_ c. Eye.
ON NATURAL HISTORY. \X|d| / d. Throat.
eX| || e. Spinal cord.
|X| ||
_____
/ a a \
d@ 0 0 @d Head: Frontal View. Hair shaven off for
| <b | clarity.
| ___c|
\ / a. eyes, myoptic through constant
| | viewing of a computer monitor.
b. nose.
c. mouth for sighing when the hard disk
crashes.
d. ears for ignoring the chat bell.
BREEDING: Despite the fact that most SysOps behave like the
proverbial rabbits when it comes to breeding, there
are still very few of them.
This may be due to the glaring absence of female
sysops; there are few if any, so SysOps sometimes
get on with non-SysOps, leading to the cross-breed
called the Assistant SysOp.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
=======================
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
=======================
If you would like your views publicised, feel free
to drop me a line C/o Fearless Fred - 562-0686
Please keep your letters short.
-----------------------------------------
Dear Sir,
I would like to make a complaint on the morals of our society.
I was walking along one day, in Carlton it was, minding my own
business (walking on the other side of the street where the
50 wogs were standing waiting for the painters to do their
room) when I saw this most despicable thing. This old lady was
ACTUALLY GIVING MILK TO A STRAY CAT!! The obscenity of the scene
was almost too much to bear.
I went over to the little old dear and kicked her in the guts and
asked her what the fuck she was feeding the cat for? She groaned
and said "Because it is a nice thing to do." I know that if you
were there then you too would have kicked her too. I picked up
the cat and hurled it into the oncoming traffic and had my efforts
gratified by seeing it run over by a semi.
I hope you will join me in helping to rid the world of kind little
old ladies who feed cats and have little yapping terriers that
don't shut the fuck up.
Yours Faithfully,
________
| \ | | |\ /|
| \ _|_ | __ | \ / |
| \ ___ ___ | |/ \ | \/ | ___ __
| / (___) ___) | | | | | ___) |/ \
| / (___, (___) \/ | | | | (___) | |
|_______/ | |
-----------------------------------------
Dear Mr Death,
It is heartwarming to read that there are still some people
in this world with enough moral fibre to make the effort,
cross the road and actually right such wrongs.
Pity you didn't have an uzi, you could have wiped out the
wogs at the same time.
Sincerely, Ed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
=======================
This Edition's Awards
=======================
Pissed off Sysop of the Month............... Craig Bowen
Drunken sysop of the month.................. Fearless Fred
(AGAIN!)
Bastard of the month........................ The Masked Avenger
(AGAIN!)
Tree Stump Award............................ The Lensman
Big Tits Award.............................. Julie Alderman
Midwife Award............................... SYN ...
Midwife with Big Tits Award................. WOODY!
Have Phone will Conference Award............ Disk Destroyer
Disgusting Award............................ Lounge Lizzard
Boss of the Month........................... Nixx
(Where would the AT files be if I couldn't
write and edit them at work?)
Fuckwits.................................... Conan
Blue Thunder
Phoenix
I Had A Bright Idea, But... Award........... Brett MacMillan
I Thought He Had A Bright Idea Too Award.... The Mentat
---------------------------------------------------------------------
========================
Quotes for this month.
========================
Craig Bowen: "I've got a throbber!"
Lounge Lizzard: "Why buy a hanky when you're wearing a shirt?"
Lounge Lizzard: (To Disk Destroyer) "What are faggots good for?"
Disk Destroyer: "They'll pick you up, they like doing that."
"Don't fuck with (Radio Active), he's not the
one to fuck with."
Fearless Fred: (To Disk Destroyer) "Is Robbie one of your faggot
friends?"
Disk Destroyer: "He's one of them."
Fearless Fred: "Monk, how many inches have you got?"
Thelonius Monk: "I've got one."
Killer Tomato: "I woke up not feeling myself, in fact I was
a little stiff."
Killer Tomato: "It's not as stiff as it was."
Ford Prefect: "I'm affraid I don't understand that last
statement."
Mandi: (To Disk Destroyer) "Do you have a dick?"
Disk Destroyer: "No fucking way!"
"I don't have one."
"It's not fair!"
Vagabond: "I've got things coming out of my ass."
SYN ...: "I can't remember anything!"
Mandi: "Get off my candle!"
Thelonius Monk: "I hate it when you go to the toilet and
you're really feeling out of it, and your
dressing gown is just draping around and
you piss on it."
Thelonius Monk: "If I had any sense of decency I'd be disgusted."
Disk Destroyer: "That's a quote, that's a quote!"
Disk Destroyer: "Where's the Whiz Fizz?"
The Lensman: (To Royna) "I'm making to hard for you
aren't I?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
=================
YOUR STAR SIGNS
=================
Sorry folks, this month Ze Prophet is on holidays, so he
hasn't been able to write up your star signs this month.
He did, however, send us a postcard for publication. - Ed.
Darlings! You should see all the hunks on the beaches here,
I think I must have died and come to heaven.
Sorry I haven't had time to write the star signs this month,
but Bruce is so energetic he just wears me out.
I shall be back next month though with a guide to your
perfect match.
Till next time huneeth....
XXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXX
Ze Prophet.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
======================
The Classified Pages
======================
For Sale: One Pacific Island.
Comes with a heap of users, and a
heap of cops watching them.
Credit Cards NOT welcome!
--------------------------------------------------
Wanted: Good lawyer. Contact: Brett MacMillan.
--------------------------------------------------
Wanted: Sum Sicopaths.
Dad pays BIG BIG munee 2 keep me happy
Lamers will die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't call me, i phreak U.
[tc!]
--------------------------------------------------
Wanted: Sex Manuals. Contact: Dick Destroyed.
--------------------------------------------------
Wanted: Julie Adlerman's phone number.
Or preferably Julie Alderman.
We'll pay heaps!
Contact: Fearless Fred / The Lensman.
C/o The Twilite Zone. (03) 562-0686
--------------------------------------------------
If you wish to advertise here, please contact:
Fearless Fred. C/o The Twilite Zone 562-0686
---------------------------------------------------------------------
====================
Defamation Corner.
====================
A while ago we promiced to publish a certain photo revealing
a certain well known and documented nerd after he held a well
known and documented communist for ransom. After the relevant
legal authorities heard we had such a photo we were unable to
publish it, until now.
##################
+----------------------+ ####################
| +------------------+ | ###################
| | >g | | | ____ #######
| | ???????? logging | | | / __ \ #######
| | off (any BBS). | | \ / \ #######
| | | | | |o | ######
| | Your stats for | | | \__/ #####
| | today: | | / ___/ ####
| | | | /__ |
| | Uploads: 0 Kb | | \, __ _ |
| | Downloads: 9334Kb| | /\ =======\ /
| | Stop sponging! | | / \ \__ /
| | | | | | / \_ _
| +------------------+ | ____| |__ \ _ / \
| AMIGA 1000 | ____|# |___\_ \
+----------++----------+/____###_______| / ______ \
| +--+ || +--+ || ___)# ||_ _| | / \ \
| ==|__|== || ==|__|== || ___) | |__| | | | \
| o +--+ || o +--+ |\____) |---------| | | \
+----------++----------+ |FP| | | | |
|\ ============= ____| ###########_ | | / |
| \____________ _/ _ \_ / \_ \ | |
|\|__________ _/ ( ) \_ | ___ \ | | |
| | / ( O ) \_ `_| |_/ \_/ | |
| | / (_) \_ | | \ / |
| | +----- / \_ ( ) \ / |
| | | / \___,__/ \ _/ |
| | | / _ __ _ \ \____/ |
| | | / ( ) / | ( ) \ |
| | | / ( O ) | \ ( O ) \ |
| | | | (_) / | (_) \ |
| _____/ \__ | \ \ |
/ \__/ | \ /
| | \ \ /
\____________/ |____________|_______________/
We wont say exactly who this is, but if you can't guess you're
a bigger fucking loser (sorry LAMER) then he is.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
========================
E V I L A N G E L S
========================
At present the Evil Angels team consists of the following:
Founder: The Masked Avenger
Editor: Fearless Fred (Lightening Bolt)
Authors: Fearless Fred
Ford Prefect
Artist: Ford Prefect
Programmer: Vagabond
(BSF Boys)
Other Members: Thelonius Monk
The Lensman
Lounge Lizzard
Death Man
Nixx
SYN ... (We're a little bit sexist!)
Disk Destroyer (Sort of.)
Ivan Trotsky
Sprite (Pending)
Favourite people: Taxi Cab Blue Fox
(To hassle.) Captain Chaos Simply Sparks
Fire Fox Vagabond
Raster Blaster SYN ...
Disk Destroyer Ice Man (and Robbie)
Royna Masked Avenger
Julie Alderman
You too can help rid the world of nerds. By purchasing any of
the following quality official Evil Angels Products.
"I Hate the Masked Avenger" Badges $ 3.00
Evil Angels Badges $ 3.00
Evil Angels Windcheaters... $25.00
Bi Bi P.I. Video $25.00
All sizes, all colours, design is:
_______ _______
/ \______/ \
/ \ /|
/___/| Evil Angels |\___\ / |-------- NOW
| ______ | \ |-------- AVAILABLE!
| / E.A. \ | \|
| | Logo | |
| \______/ |
| Ridding the |
| world of nerds!|
|________________|
Printed versions of Anarchistic Tendencies Parts 1-9: $18-00
Remember... donations to Evil Angels are NOT tax deductible,
but will help rid the world of nerds!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Anarchistic Tendencies IX
(C) January 1989
YOU HAVE NO GODDAMNMUTHAFUKING RIGHTS!
**************************************
* NO PART OF THIS FILE MAY BE *
* PUBLISHED IN MASS MEDIA WITHOUT *
* THE AUTHORS' WRITTEN PERMISSION *
* AND HALF OF THE AUTHORS CAN'T *
* WRITE. THE OTHER HALF ARE *
* USUALLY DRUNK! *
* *
* That's a god-dammed warning! *
* *
**************************************
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
YOURMOTHERSUCKSCOCKSINHELL
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: The authors have gone to a hell of a lot of trouble to
ensure that this file contains no offensive material. However, should
you find anything which you object to, STIFF SHIT! You can't sue us!
This file is written with the intent of producing a
humorous file which will be enjoyed by everyone, and no offense is
intended towards any person(s) or creatures however much they are
mentioned, abused or complimented.
And if there are any Animal Liberation Activists reading
this, HA! Go liberate the little bastards and let us get on with
the job of shooting the fury little buggers.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Donations and payments can be sent:
C/o Craig Bowen,
P.O. Box 125,
Balwyn, 3103.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Evil Angels will return with Anarchistic Tendencies 10
------------------------------------------------------
The Defence Case of a Dipsomaniac.
(Fearless Fred's Trial.)