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====================
Ring these boards!
====================
The Twilite Zone. 562-0686 300/300 1200/1200 24 hrs a day!
Pacific Island. 890-2174 All Speeds 24 hrs a day!
Zen BBS. 899-6180 Most Speeds Running TBBS
on 4 lines.
Doodz Domain. 646-5861 All Speeds 23 hrs a day!
646-3171
The Truth BBS. 813-1663 300/300 1200/1200 23 hrs a day!
Further Regions. 725-1923 All Speeds 23 hrs a day!
The Crossover. 367-5816 All Speeds 23 hrs a day!
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=================
W A R N I N G !
=================
Have a fucking Merry Christmas, or we'll be after you!
(After we get over our New Year's hangovers.)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
==================================
Who is this Santa Person Anyway?
==================================
After receiving anonymous reports from several elves, I decided
to investigate just who this Santa person really is. What I
discovered will shock you. He is not the kind, fat old man with
the white beard that you have been led to believe, but, I suspect,
a cover for an international organized crime syndicate.
Upon landing at the North Pole I headed straight for Santa's
workshop. The workshop appears from the outside to be a quaint
olde worlde home but after I made my way inside I discovered
something different.
The workshop is divided into three distinctly separate partitions.
The first is the workshop which is open to the public for a nominal
entrance fee, and has guided tours every hour on the hour. This is
where the elves happily go about their business of making toys for
the world's good little boys and girls.
Not accessible to the public is the real workshop. This is where
several hundred elves have been housed for many months of forced
labor. I must admit that I was deeply moved to see elves, in worse
physical appearance than a man after a night with Royna, being
whipped to the point of unconsciousness, and being revived so
they could work another hour. It brought tears to my eyes as the
memories of SYN flooded back...
The third partition was the most disgusting sight I have ever seen.
A large spa in the middle of a large tropical garden. Served by
naked women with the food and drink he had collected last Christmas
and kept in cold storage since, was Santa, surrounded by a mass orgy.
I thought it best if I waited here, and made myself inconspicuous by
joining in the orgy. So I cautiously removed my clothes, press badge,
camera, drank my bottle of Southern Comfort, put a couple of condoms
on (Kiddies, remember that it's better to be safe!) and headed for
the first pair of open legs.
To my great surprise I recognised those knees, and wondered what Fran
was doing here. I thought I had better move on, but the orgy was
already breaking up; Santa was preparing for his Christmas delivery.
With a mind as brilliant as mine, I sometimes wonder if the reason
I failed pre-school wasn't because of jealousy on the part of the
teacher. I saw this as my way out of here. So I quickly gift wrapped
myself and headed for Santa's Sack.
What I discovered in the sack is not something I will publicise, but
in Santa's sack, apart from the expected dolls, toy cars, machine
guns and armageddon bombs for the kids, there was also several
large packages of amphetamines, hallucinogenic pills, and non-tobacco
type cigarettes.
What I then discovered was not pure bliss as you may have expected,
but if you can imagine what it is like to be dropped down a chimney,
have an obese, over sexed, smelly old pervert fall on top of you,
you'll be able to sympathise with me (and you're also a fucking
deviant tart! Hi Blue Fox!).
Once I returned to the office, I requested a response from Santa's
public relations officers, and press agents. Fran convinced me that
Santa is innocent of all accusations printed here, and provided
documented proof (an invite to the next orgy).
I am still not totally convinced that Santa is totally innocent,
after seeing the way he laughs when little girls sit on his lap in
shopping centers world wide, I can't help but doubt the reports of
his pedophile activities.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
===============================
The Twelve Days of Christmas.
===============================
On the first day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
An Inmodem for my AT.
On the second day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
2 meg of RAM
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Third day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
3 NUI's,
2 Meg of RAM
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Fourth day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
4 Credit Cards,
3 NUI's,
2 Meg of Ram
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Fifth day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
5 Phone lines...
4 Credit Cards,
3 NUI's,
2 Meg of Ram
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Sixth day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
6 floppy disks,
5 phone lines...
4 Credit cards,
3 NUI's,
2 Meg of RAM,
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Seventh day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
7 printers printing,
6 floppy disks,
5 phone lines...
4 Credit Cards,
3 NUI's,
2 Meg of RAM,
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Eighth day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
8 A2000's,
7 printers printing,
6 floppy disks,
5 phone lines...
4 Credit Cards,
3 NUI's,
2 Meg of RAM,
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Ninth day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
9 Trailblazers,
8 A2000's,
7 printers printing,
6 floppy disks,
5 phone lines...
4 Credit Cards,
3 NUI's,
2 Meg of RAM,
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Tenth Day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
10 Calling Cards,
9 TrailBlazers,
8 A2000's,
7 printers printing,
6 floppy disks,
5 phone lines...
4 Credit Cards,
3 NUI's,
2 Meg of RAM,
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas my Daddy gave to me
11 Digitizers,
10 Calling Cards,
9 Trailblazers,
8 A 2000's,
7 printers printing,
6 floppy disks,
5 phone lines...
4 Credit Cards,
3 NUI's,
2 Meg of RAM,
and an Inmodem for my AT.
On the Twelfth day of Christmas a Policeman gave to me
12 years Hard Labour.
The cunt!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
======================================
The Evil Angels True Christmas Story
======================================
By Ford Prefect
COMPLETE CAST LIST - ACTORS
------------------ -----------------
NARRATOR - Ford Prefect
MARY - SYN ...
CHARIOT CAB - Gordie
GOD - Craig Bowen
ARCH EVIL ANGEL - Masked Avenger
CATHOLIC - Fearless Fred
JOSEPH - Ivan Trotsky
EVIL ANGEL - Eliminator
INN KEEPER - The Lensman
WIFE - Fran
SHEPHERD1 - Captain Chaos
SHEPHERD2 - Top Gun
SHEPHERD3 - 5th Dimension
SHEPHERD4 - Vagabond
GASPAR - Ice Man
BALTHAZAR - Infiltrator
MELCHIOR - Brett McMillian
JESUS - Disk Destroyer
NARRATOR Welcome to the story of the Birth of Christ, the
TRUE story. The story most of you have heard is
probably only the editted, "public release" version.
One of the strange things about this story is that
by a bizzarely improbable co-incidence, many of its
characters are distant (but strikingly similar sometimes)
ancestors of present-day BBS users. At great expense
we have managed to collect together most of the
direct decendents of the original people involved.
God, however, was unavailable, so Craig Bowen
accepted our offer to play the part.
The story begins in an inn room somewhere on the
outskirts of Nazareth. Inside the room is a virgin
by the name of Mary, who is married to a man named
Joseph, and coming up the stairs outside is the foul
Chariot Cab.
F/X KNOCK ON DOOR
MARY Who is it?
CHARIOT Mike.
MARY Mike who?
CHARIOT Mike Huntsucker.
MARY What!?
CHARIOT Room service.
MARY Okay, I'll unlock the door.
F/X KEY IN LOCK, DOOR OPENING
MARY (SEES CHARIOT) Uggghhhh! It's you! Get out of here!
F/X (UNDER NEXT LINE) DOOR BEING SHUT
CHARIOT Oh? You know of me?
MARY Everyone knows you. The only being in history to
have been brainwashed by an enema.
F/X CHARIOT PULLS DOWN HIS FLY, UNDOES HIS BELT, AND
PULLS HIS PANTS DOWN.
MARY (GASP) My god, it's true!
CHARIOT What's that?
MARY You COULD rape a girl through a flywire door!
No, don't come near me! Heeeeellllpppp!
F/X CHARIOT JUMPS MARY, WHO IS SCREAMING. (FADE)
F/X FADE UP CELESTIAL HARP MUSIC AND CHIMES.
GOD (LOUD, ECHOEY VOICE) Anything good on the omnipotent
TV tonight, Arch Evil Angel?
ARCH EVIL (NORMAL VOICE) Nah, just a few wars and other
ANGEL melodramas. Oh, there's a good comedy on the
Catholic prayer channel.
F/X SWITCHES
CATHOLIC (OVER SPEAKER) Forgive me father for I have sinned.
I must admit to it. I've been guilty of trigamy. I'm
married to three sexual gluttons, and besides that I've
had five prostitutes on the side. Also, there's a
fourteen year old girl locked up in the holiday house,
and there's this really gorgeous girl who's got
blonde hair, BIG tits, and... (CONTINUES AD LIB)
GOD (SPLUTTERING) I don't believe it! Give me that
microphone.
F/X MICROPHONE PICKED UP. CLICK AS IT IS TURNED ON.
THERE IS A SLIGHT HUM FROM THE MICROPHONE,
GOD By the devil's name man, what sort of Catholic are
you?
CATHOLIC Oh, I'm not, I just love getting those poor sex-starved
fathers something to DREAM about at night!
GOD Oh, um... well aetheists aren't allowed to pray on
this channel, take this!
F/X LIGHTENING BOLT FROM GOD. FIZZLING SOUNDS ETC
F/X MICROPHONE TURNED OFF.
A.E.A. I think what's on channel 42 might interest you,
it's a horror story.
F/X SWITCHING. ON SPEAKER: MARY SCREAMING.
GOD Oh, myself! Chariot Cab trying to have sex, that IS
gross!
A.E.A. I like the look of the girl, though.
GOD You know what I'd like to do with her right now?
A.E.A. No, what?
F/X GOD WHISPERING. FADE.
F/X FADE UP: MARY SHRIEKING
F/X DOOR OPENING
JOSEPH What's going on here!?
F/X CHARIOT JUMPS UP, MARY STOPS SCREAMING
MARY (WOEFULLY) This homosexual, who's so ugly he has to
prey on girls, has been molesting me.
JOSEPH I'll soon fix him!
F/X BLOW-GUN
CHARIOT Ow! What was that!?
JOSEPH Something just like you... a little prick with
a super-concentrated gonorrhoea virus. You'll be
rolling on the floor in a paroxysm of purulent
discharge within minutes.
CHARIOT Maybe it would have affected a NORMAL person, but
giving me gonnorhoea would be like tipping a
millionaire.
JOSEPH Well I know something that WILL hurt you, Chariot Crap.
F/X A HANDFUL OF SALT GRAINS BEING THROWN OVER CHARIOT
(What sound a handful of salt makes I don't know,
but you'll think of something!)
CHARIOT Agggghh! (GURGLES) Salt! Don't you know slu- people
like me will- Arggggggghhh!
F/X CHARIOT SHRIVELS UP AND DIES.
JOSEPH That's that done, but this will mean a divorce, you
know.
F/X WITH A BANG OR A BLAZE OF LIGHT OR SOMETHING, AN
EVIL ANGEL APPEARS.
EVIL Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary
ANGEL home as your wife, because what is conceived in her
is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a
son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because
he will save his people from their sins, and I happen
to like the name Jesus.
JOSEPH No, no, no, you've got it all wrong. It wasn't
Goddie who raped her, it was Gordie.
EVIL Allow me to explain. God was just using Chariot's
ANGEL body to make your virgin wife pregnant. Chariot
couldn't have done it, for he has, as you can see,
no testicles.
JOSEPH Oh, I see.
(SUDDENLY SEES A FLAW IN THE EXPLANATION) But how
can she still be a virgin then!?
EVIL (TO JO) Jo, look at that dick! With a dick THAT small
ANGEL it is imposible for any woman to lose her virginity!
MARY (BRIGHTLY) Why, he's right!
(FADE)
NARRATOR So ends the beginning of the story, revealing how
the virgin Mary got God's baby and still remained
a virgin. Nine months later...
F/X SOUND OF DONKY'S HOOVES
MARY Oh! oh! Joseph the contractions are coming even
quicker now!
JOSEPH Relax, we're here.
F/X HOTEL DESK BELL.
INNKEEPER (Hic) Yes?
JOSEPH We'd like a room for the night.
INNKEEPER Hmmm, is she (LOOKS AT MARY) married? VERY nice
knees. (TAKES A DRINK)
F/X SOUND OF ALCOHOLIC DRINKING HIGHLY INFLAMABLE LIQUID.
JOSEPH Yes she is MY wife. Can we please have a room?
INNKEEPER Sorry, we have none available.
JOSEPH None at all!?
INNKEEPER There's a convention in town. I could let you sleep
in the stable if you aren't too fussy, but you'll
still have to pay full rates.
JOSEPH OK, we'll take it.
INKEEPER WIFE! Show these people to the stable.
WIFE Walk this way will you?
F/X IF IT'S POSIBLE TO HAVE A SOUND OF A WOMAN WALKING
WITH A DRUNK MAN KISSING HER KNEES, THEN THIS WOULD
BE VERY APPROPRIATE. OTHERWISE FORGET IT.
NARRATOR A little while later, this is what is happening
at a cricket ground near the town, where a group
of shepherds are camped...
F/X OUTDOOR ATMOS. FIRE CRACKLING. A FEW SHEEP SOUNDS,
BUGS, THAT SORT OF THING.
SHEPHERD1 You know, I was just thinking. You know this cricket
ground our sheep are grazing in? It's the very same
ground that Thelonius Batsman made his first century on.
SHEPHERD2 Oh yeah? I've just been philosophising over life,
the universe, and opposites.
SHEPHERD1 Opposites?
SHEPHERD3 Yeah, like black and white.
(PAUSE)
SHEPHERD1 (TRYING NOT TO SOUND STUPID) Oh...? And why are they
opposites?
SHEPHERD2 Well, when something is black is isn't white, and
when something is white is isn't black, got it?
SHEPHERD1 Ah, right. Are there other opposites?
SHEPHERD2 Sure.
SHEPHERD3 Like soft and hard.
SHEPHERD4 And light and heavy.
SHEPHERD1 And so what's the difference with them?
SHEPHERD2 Well, you can sleep with a soft light on, but not
with a heavy- (IS INTERUPTED BY NEXT F/X)
F/X WITH A BLAZE OF LIGHT, ETC., AN EVIL ANGEL APPEARS.
SHEPHERD2 My god!
EVIL No, just an evil angel.
ANGEL Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of
a great joy which will come to all the people; for
to you is born this day in the city of David a
Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
SHEPHERD1 Huh?
EVIL ANGEL You're to go into Bethlehem and worship a baby.
SHEPHERD2 Oh, OK. We three will go and you can stay to keep an
eye on the sheep, alright?
SHEPHERD4 Yeah, fine. I'll count them again.
SHEPHERD3 Let's go then.
F/X (FOLLOWING THE THREE SHEPHERDS) FOOTSTEPS ON A
GRAVEL PATH. FADE THE FIRE.
SHEPHERD1 (STOPPING SUDDENLY AFTER A WHILE) Hey, look what I
found! A cricket ball!
SHEPHERD2 (THEY START WALKING AGAIN) Yeah, come on, we don't
have time to waste.
(PAUSE)
SHEPHERD2 Hey, look at this! Another cricket ball.
(THEY CONTINUE)
SHEPHERD3 Wow, guess what I just found!...
The dead cricket!
(FADE)
NARRATOR We now cross over to the Royal Institution of
Thought, where three magi are deep in discussion.
GASPAR It's obvious that there must be something which is
faster than everything else, and nothing can ever
get faster than it.
BALTHAZAR Yeah, like what?
GASPAR The blink. We do it all the time, and we never
notice it, it's so fast.
MELCHIOR I think it's probably some sort of energy source.
Like a match, when you strike it there's no
smouldering and gradual glow, the flame is there
instantly.
BALTHAZAR I think it's dysentry.
GASPAR What? Why dysentry?
BALTHAZAR Well I woke up one night with dysentry, and before I
could blink or light a match I'd messed the bed.
F/X EVIL ANGEL APPEARING
MELCHOIR Oh, an evil angel! Care to join our discussion?
EVIL No time for that now. Look out the window to the
ANGEL east.
BALTHAZAR Why, what a bright star.
EVIL You are to follow that star and give gifts to the
ANGEL Lord's child, but hurry. We can't keep that star on
forever.
GASPAR Why not?
EVIL It's too expensive! Heaven's been broke ever since
ANGEL Ice Man bribed his way in. He was only there for a
few minutes before he blew all our prophets. Now
hurry!
(FADE)
F/X FADE UP STABLE ATMOS. THE BABY IS CRYING LOUDLY
SHEPHERD1 So this is Jesus, is it?
MARY Yep.
SHEPHERD2 And he came from heaven did he?
JOSEPH That's right.
SHEPHERD3 I can see why they wanted him out.
SHEPHERD1 Still, he does have a fresh faced look about him.
F/X BANGING ON DOOR.
JOSEPH Who can that be?
MARY Probably the convention members complaining about
the noise.
F/X DOOR OPENED
GASPAR Hello, we are magi, come to pay homage to your baby.
JOSEPH Oh?
GASPAR We have brought gifts, of gold...
MELCHIOR ...frank incest...
BALTHAZAR ... and Smirnoff.
JOSEPH Great, hand me the bottle.
JESUS Waaaaaaaa!
(END)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
======================
Entertainment Guide.
======================
If you were to describe yourself by a song that is
well known, which would you choose? Here are some of
our suggestions:
Masked Avenger: "I should be so lucky."
- Kylie Monogue
Fearless Fred: "Cheap wine and a three day growth"
- Cold Chisel
Vagabond: "Telegraph Road."
- Dire Straits
Craig Bowen: "Computer One"
- Dear Enemy
Ice Man: "Simply Irresistible." (To Faggots)
- Robbie Palmer
(Does he have 5 brothers?)
Monk & ECH!? "Groovy kind of love"
- Phil Collins
The Lensman: "Ground control to Major Tom"
- David Bowie
(After all that Rocket Fuel he's drank)
"Rocket Man"
- Elton John
Ivan Trotsky: "Back in the U.S.S.R."
- Beatles / Billy Joel
Disk Destroyer: "Like a Virgin"
- Madonna
Raster Blaster: "Don't worry, be happy."
- Bobby McFarrin
Infiltrator: "I like driving in my car."
(It's not quite a Jaguar)
- Madness
Blue Fox: "Am I ever gonna see your face again?
(No way get fucked, fuck off!)"
- The Angels
SYN ...: "I can't get no satisfaction."
- Mick Jagger
Simply Sparks: "If you leave me, can I come too?"
- Mental as Anything
Fire Fox: "She's leaving home, bye bye."
- The Beatles
Captain Chaos: "I love aeroplane Jelly!"
- Advertisement.
"I'm a happy little vegemite."
- Advertisement.
Taxi Cab: "Money for Nothing."
- Dire Straits
Blue Thunder: "Jail House Rock"
- Elvis Presly
---------------------------------------------------------------------
=====================
The Year in Review.
=====================
Half an hour into the new year, The Masked Pedophile got on with
a 13 year old in MY water bed, with his sister lying on the
other side of the bed.
Craig set up his 2nd BBS, Zen BBS.
Raster chalked up his 20th woman (Royna), 1st Car (Gemini).
SYN ... ceases stalking knights.
Taxi Cab had just arrived on the scene, and became a
member of the big hacking group; The Elite.
Monk and ECH!? chalked up their first month together.
Royna chalked up her first tree-stump.
Masky got his first girlfriend, Natasha, went away for
a dirty weekend, and returned. And they split up after
a month of Tashy being sexually frustrated!
(And this is THE Natasha that is known for her football
team fetish. And she likes MIXED teams too!)
Raster tried to chalk up his first truck. (Truck 1. Raster 0.)
Raster chalked up his 2nd Car, (SillyCar), and 21st Woman (Mandy).
Taxi Cab was not amused at the release of A.T. 4 where it is
revealed that The Elite are not a Hacking group, but members
of Evil Angels!
Fred's water bed is broken (when Monk joins him & ECH!? in it).
Masky split up with Natasha, and eventually found Bianca.
Soon to owe me 2 bottles of Southern Comfort!
Vagabond tried to become a tree-stump, but fails, (Royna fell
asleep.)
Fred borrowed $2 from Masky. IT WAS $2!!!!
Royna chalked up eighth (married) tree-stump a week later.
Fearless Fred chalked up 21 years of Drunken Slobbery.
Masky sucked on bottle of Malibu.
Masky sucked on his first set of toes.
Masky sucked some more on Malibu.
Masky sucked on his second set of toes.
Masky sucked nearly all of Malibu.
Masky fell over.
(Gee Masky sux)
Masky reached the ripe old age of 18, and invited his 300 +
friends to his party. The 15 people that turned up to his
party went and visited Taxi Cab.
Taxi demonstrated his riding skills by riding with no hands.
Taxi demonstrated his falling skills.
Taxi made the point that he didn't like us.
Disk Destroyer finally met a woman.
Raster chalked up his 1st fence, 3rd car (Honda Shit-Box Integra)
and 22nd woman (Melissa).
Disk Destroyer talks for a record 5 1/2 hours.
Fred gets a new water bed and IS NOT having a party this year!
On Cup day it became unofficially official that Trotsky and Syn
were together. A week later it became officially official, and a
month later it became officially unofficial.
Mega Works has a car Rally. Fred and his car of alcoholics (Fred,
Lensman, Eliminator and Death Man) came last, consumed over a
slab of beer, dent Gem Gem's front bumper, wrapped several cars
in toilet paper, inflate balloons with exhaust fumes, cover
Vagabond's Dad's car in flour, and bullshit a lot.
But best of all, discover how cool a Garfield looks on the bonnet
of Gem Gem when travelling at 140 KMPH.
Monk and ECH!? celebrate 1 year of sharing chocolate.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
=======================
This Edition's Awards
=======================
Sysop of the Year............................. Craig Bowen
Bastard of the Year........................... Masked Avenger
Attempted Driver of the Year.................. ECH!?
(I passed my test on the first go! Then again, what
can you expect from a woman driver?)
Drunken Sysop of the Year..................... Fearless Fred
Dork of the Year.............................. Captain Chaos
Boring Person of the Year..................... Vagabond
Ultra Slut.................................... Royna
(No love(rs) lost between sisters huh?)
Paranoid Award................................ Raster Blaster
(Yeah I know... Fuck off, just FUCK OFF!)
Astronaut of the Year......................... The Lensman
(Oh, that rocket fuel!)
Tastiest Knee Caps............................ Fran
(Please... just a little whipped cream?)
Most Pathetic Phonecall Award................. Fearless Fred
Love Lost Romeo of the Year................... Ivan Trotsky
Love Lost Juliet of the Year.................. SYN ...
(These awards may not be related, but bet your balls they are!)
Toe Sucker of the Year Award.................. Masked Avenger
Fresh Faced 16 Year Old Award................. Disk Destroyer
Mad Rabid Wog of the Year..................... Gino
(Watch out for Gino's driving Taragos)
Street Sign Collector Award................... Infiltrator
---------------------------------------------------------------------
========================
Quotes for this month.
========================
Santa: "Ho Ho Ho"
Lensman: (About Royna's braces)
"What a pair of inbuilt circumcisors."
Royna: "I hate picking the flesh out of my braces in the morning."
Vagabond: (After reading add for Zen) "I'll buy the SYN ..."
Vagabond (TO SYN ...): "I've only got you something small."
SYN ... (To Vagabond): "I can make it hard."
Vagabond (To SYN ...): "I'll give it to you while you're
waitressing."
Vagabond (To SYN ...): "Are you going to come yet?"
SYN ... (To Vagabond): "Yeah, I'll come..."
Vagabond: "Hit me! Whip me! Call me Bruce!"
Lensman: "Wow! Toenails!"
Monk: "My dog eats toenails."
(I thought ECH!? was into chocolate!)
Blue Fox: "I've got a fucking shop full of fucking customers."
(That's the Blue Fox we used to know!)
"Byesey Bi."
(Who's bi? There's faggots around, but bi's???)
Fire Fox: "My body's OK, my brain's just doesn't work."
Masky: "Lance,"
Lance Link: "Yeah"
Masky: "Can I ask you a question?"
Lance Link: "Yeah"
Masky: "Lance, are you gay?"
Lance: "Yeah, I mean....."
5th Dimension: "I'm a faggot."
Craig Bowen: "I'll have anything soft."
Negative Energy: "I've got a hands free... now I can
wank and talk at the same time."
Ice Man: "Oh Robbie, get your hands out of my pants!"
Ivan Trotsky: "The only way I could get my heart beat to
down was to suck on something."
(SYN ... maybe?)
Ivan Trotsky: "(Ice Man) not tonight, I've got a headache."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
================
Horror Scopes.
================
By Ze Prophet
My predictionth for nexth year:
Well, I think that darhling Darriuth will move onto bigger
and better thingth in the nexth year. The Mathked Avenger
will be buying Thouthern Comfort for Fred, Rarthter will
crash hith car (thatth a thafe bet). Telecom will make another
record profit with Gordie thubthidithing Authtralia's Amiga
piratth. Craig Bowen will continue hith exthellent thythopping
and Fred will continue his exthellent drunken thythopping.
Monk & ECH!? will continue sharing their chocolate barth,
and Lenthman will reach Marth by developing a thronger
rocket fuel. There'th a LOT faggotth running around out there
tho I think that my love live may altho pick up.
Till next year huneeth.... XXXXOOOOXXXX
Ze Prophet.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
======================
The Classified Pages
======================
For Sale: One Red (Slightly crashed) Honda (shit box) Integra
In near working condition.
Almost as new, except that one of the seats
has been farted on,
and the stains on the back seat.
Must Sell, I can't afford the insurance anymore!
Contact Raster Blaster, C/o Pacific Island.
(03) 890-2174
--------------------------------------------------
For Sale: One slightly used BBS, Low mileage, still runs OK,
Has Multi-line CHAT facilities, Name currently
registered as "ZEN", Bonus 120 Meg worth of Hard Disk
and four lines for no extra cost.
Unfortunately it can't be moved from it's current
Location so house is being sold as a special bonus.
How much would you expect to pay for all this? Don't ask!
As an added bonus, we'll throw in Craig Bowen
absolutely free! But wait... We'll also give you a free
set of used underwear and a Pacific Island. How much would
you expect to pay? Don't answer! Because, if you act
quickly we'll also throw in at NO EXTRA charge a SYN ...
Now you would probably expect to pay over $500,000
for all this, and your FUCKING right!
Current selling price stands at $675,000.
Contact BBS's R US on our toll free number:
0014881011
--------------------------------------------------
For Sale: Slightly used Calling Cards.
Only 4 weeks old with at least 2 hours left on them.
Accessible by all those without AT&T bars.
Cannot be traced. Previous owners can be contacted at
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,
Washington, D.C.
Contact Taxi Cab for more information. $100 ONO.
--------------------------------------------------
For Sale: NUI's NUI's NUI's NUI's!
Are you trying to call overseas PADs with no success?
Do you get CLR INV 169 with every NUI that you use?
If this is your problem, then look no futher.
Ollie's NUI Supply Service
***** CAN HELP YOU! *****
NUI's guarnteed for at least 1 month.
Full AINS access for p/w modification and security
classification Level A1.
Call GreyHawk BBS on 299 1030 and ask for either
the SYSOP or The Mentat. Price Lists are available
on request. Virgin NUI's $200
Used NUI's $100.
--------------------------------------------------
Wanted: 20, 40 & 80 Meg Hard Disks for use on Amiga Pirate
Bulletin Boards. Either Voice Coil or Stepper.
Must come with IBM interface card.
Preferably legaly obtained drives, but slightly hot ones
will also be accepted if price is reasonable.
Leave a message on Zen BBS Amiga Section.
You will be contacted in due course.
--------------------------------------------------
Found: One SKYSAT Satellite Dish.
2.3 Metre diameter
Coax wire still intact.
Registered to the Lost Dog Hotel
Currently being used for illegal satellite hacking.
Owner is being asked to claim it ASAP.
--------------------------------------------------
If you wish to advertise here, please contact either:
Fearless Fred. C/o The Twilite Zone (03) 562-0686
or Vagabond C/o The Truth BBS (03) 813-1663
---------------------------------------------------------------------
========================
E V I L A N G E L S
========================
At present the Evil Angels team consists of the following:
Founder: The Masked Avenger
Editor: Lightening Bolt (Fearless Fred)
Reporter: Ford Prefect
Programmer: Vagabond
(BSF Boys)
Associate Members: Thelonius Monk
Eliminator
Lensman
Vagabond
Lounge Lizard
Nixx
SYN ... (Token Female. We aren't sexist!
We don't get much either.)
Disk Destroyer
Sprite
Favorite people: Taxi Cab Blue Fox
(To hassle.) Captain Chaos Simply Sparks
Fire Fox Vagabond
Raster Blaster SYN ...
Disk Destroyer Ice Man (and Robbie)
Royna Masked Avenger
You too can help rid the world of nerds. By purchasing any of
the following quality official Evil Angels Products.
"I hate the Masked Avenger" Badges $ 3.00
"Hug your computer today" car signs $ 4-00
Evil Angels Badges... $ 3.00
Evil Angels Windcheaters... $25-00
All sizes, all colours, design is:
_______ _______
/ \______/ \
/ \ /|
/___/| Evil Angels |\___\ / |-------- NOW
| ______ | \ |-------- AVAILABLE!
| / E.A. \ | \|
| | Logo | |
| \______/ |
| Ridding the |
| world of nerds!|
|________________|
Printed versions of Anarchistic Tendencies Parts 1-8: $16-00
Remember... donations to Evil Angels are NOT tax deductible,
but will help rid the world of nerds!
+-----------------------------------+
| Donations & Payments can be sent: |
| |
| C/o Craig Bowen, |
| P.O. Box 125, |
| Balwyn, 3103. |
+-----------------------------------+
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Anarchistic Tendencies VIII
(C) December 1988
YOU HAVE NO GODDAMNMUTHAFUKING RIGHTS!
**************************************
* NO PART OF THIS FILE MAY BE *
* PUBLISHED IN MASS MEDIA WITHOUT *
* THE AUTHORS' WRITTEN PERMISSION *
* AND HALF OF THE AUTHORS DON'T *
* KNOW HOW TO WRITE. THE OTHER HALF *
* ARE USUALLY DRUNK! *
* *
* - That's a god-dammed warning *
* *
**************************************
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
YOURMOTHERSUCKSCOCKSINHELL
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: The authors have gone to a hell of a lot of trouble to
ensure that this file contains no offensive material. However, should
you find anything which you object to, STIFF SHIT! You can't sue us!
This file is written with the intent of producing a
humorous file which will be enjoyed by everyone, and no offense is
intended towards any person or persons however much they are
mentioned.
Hey Santa, does this mean I don't get any pressies this
year?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Evil Angels will return with Anarchistic Tendencies IX
------------------------------------------------------
Evil Angels' Pet Care Manual.
(Endorsed by the R.S.P.K.A.)
(Royal Society for Prevention of Kindness to Animals.)
Press Escape to Quit.