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HAPPY GNU EARS!
This issue dedicated to Monica
(for putting up with Brett!)
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| | | |/' D ` E `\C/'_3`\/'O !)
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G U E S T C O L U M N
"Post-Election Angst"
by Dan Seymour
Special to Activist Times.
[Seymour fills in this week for Prime Anarchist.
Anarchist will resume columnizing sometime in
the near-to-notso-near future.]
Given the unbearably close nature of this year's
presidential election, I really hate to throw even
more excrement into an already clogged toilet, but
I've got a gripe and I've got it bad. This complaint
will no doubt delight conspiracy theorists and political
cynics such as myself; indeed, I expect that the Green
Party will have a parade. Maybe they'll even have a ball
pit that I can play around in. I love ball pits.
The truth is that the last thing I want to do is stir
up even more controversy when all I want is to hear more
about the Knicks and less about Gore on the news, but I
feel that it's my civic duty to bitch and moan, even at
the risk of sounding like a small child who by some unjust
twist of fate was actually given the right to vote.
But the fact of the matter is that as a 21 year-old,
I do (supposedly) have the write to vote, notwithstanding
my felony convictions (just joking.)
The requirement for property ownership to vote, I believe,
was abolished in the late 1980s. And in this election, my
right to vote was abridged, not because of the color of my
skin or because of a confusing butterfly ballot, but because
of a massive conspiracy against college students. Allow me to
elaborate.
There is, it may surprise you to know, a clandestine
conspiracy to keep college students from voting. The motive?
College students are more likely to vote for hippies and pinkos
and tree-huggers and libertarians and write-in weirdos and other
such also-rans. The last thing the existing government needs is
growing support for people like Jesse "The Body" Ventura and
Ralph Nader, and probably the biggest thorn in the existing
government's side in this respect is college students.
College students, at least the ones who actually vote, have
a tendency to write-in "Mickey Mouse" or "I.P. Freely."
The first problem for the college students, however, is that
election day is held on a Tuesday when nearly every school is
still in session, which means that they can't vote in their
home county unless they attend school close to home, which is
for lamers, and lamers vote conservative anyway.
So, if you're a college student away from home on election day,
what's the alternative? In some cases, it's not voting at all,
which obviously appears to be what the majority of us do. This
is just fine by the politicians.
They saw and were deeply frightened by what unified, educated,
and politicallY aware college students who put their heads together
were capable of when that frat guy swallowed 72 goldfish however
long ago. (Didn't he die?)
But for that small percentage of us college students that would
actually like to exercise our right as citizens and cast our vote,
the absentee ballot is our only reasonable option. And here's where
the conspiracy comes in.
About a month before the presidential election, I sent in my
application for an absentee ballot. As of right now, about three
months later, I am still waiting for it. I've talked to many fellow
college students who have also said that they never got their absentee
ballots. What could be responsible for this? Filing errors? This is
the government we're talking about here!
Columbia House doesn't make those kinds of mistakes.
So I think the most viable explanation is also the simplest one:
there is a widespread, underhanded conspiracy
to keep college students from voting.
Why else would they have asked me on my application if I attended
college? Stupidly I said yes, and consequently did not vote in the
closest election in history. We're talking about a tremendous
demographic here. I know you're probably sick of reading about
Nader by now, but my vote would have been cast for Nader, and
Ralph Nader needed every vote he could get. This is truly a shame
since it's obvious he's just about the only man in politics who is
interested in the common good rather than soft money and Japanese
hookers. (Well, everyone's interested in Japanese hookers. But the
soft money part's still true.)
Of course, he will never come close to rivaling the support of any
politician who is fortunate enough to run under the ticket labeled
"Democrat" or "Republican" because nobody believes that change is
possible. Nobody, of course, except young people.
Throughout our nation's history, it has been the old farts who
backed stale and boring causes like tough-on-crime silliness,
and it has traditionally been the young people who backed and
energized progressive causes, like consuming dangerous amounts
of LSD (a cause still widely supported on college campuses across
the nation.) Even though it's fun, however, LSD isn't enough
(although it sure as hell comes close.) It is nearly impossible
to engineer a fundamental grass-roots political movement if denied
the right to vote. All the LSD in the world will not put Ralph Nader
in charge, although it will greatly enhance the appreciation of
Credence Clearwater Revival.
So it's unfortunate that it's the old farts who are in charge,
and have the authority to tell their secretary, probably a
sixty-something woman named "Claire" with curly hair who wears
too much make-up and chews gum, to please disregard all applications
for absentee ballots from college students.
That way they can conveniently throw away a large number of the
votes for Nader and Mickey Mouse and I.P. Freely. But my whole point
is those are the more important and interesting votes, the votes
that tell us what people really think. Those are the votes that
don't come out of fear, as did so many would-be Nader votes that
instead went for Gore. Those votes are the voices of our youth.
Not that Washington cares about the voice of America's youth.
This mostly stems from the common myth that the voice of America's
youth sounds a lot like Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. So they're all
getting fatter and don't see a need for change, so what do they do?
Silence the voices that are difficult to hear.
This is all to say nothing, of course, of the extraordinary
difficulty of the absentee ballot process in the first place.
From school, I began the process of getting an absentee ballot
in September. I had to write to my county clerk to get an
application for an absentee ballot, and he sent it to me.
Then I sent in the application for the absentee ballot.
Assuming he had sent me the ballot, I would have had to
send it back. That's five mail crosses for one vote. One
dollar and sixty five cents for one vote. While the process
is a nuisance and impossibly complex for us, it's really quite
convenient for the politicians. They get to keep telling everyone
that less than half of all people vote, which keeps the public
disinterested. Public apathy leads to less scrutiny, which leads
to more they can get away with. It's a very simple process, and
it doesn't appear that young progressive movements have much of
a chance of breaking the cycle. How can they, when the absentee
ballot process, the only feasible option for the majority of
college students who wish to vote, is so impossibly complicated
and corrupt?
I think it's sad, it really is. What else is there for me to do?
I can't vote, and politicians certainly aren't going to listen
directly to my demands, although if they did I can assure you
that we would see a lot more laws forcing people to dress up like
Batman. As long as I'm not able to vote, however, I'll just do what
the rest of young America does, namely load up on LSD and listen to
some Credence to ease the pain.
#'s
http://prorev.com
http://www.ourpla.net/john
http://zinos.com/cool/zinos
http://www.skeptictank.org/flist065.htm
http://www.brettdelamare.com/stunts.htm
http://www.disinfo.com/pages/dossier/id253/pg1.html
http://www.wirednews.com/wired/archive/1.02/streetcred.html
http://www.galleryAD.com/Art_of_Zines/12.07.00A.D./Taxali.html
http://www.anth.uconn.edu/gradstudents/dhume/index4.htm
http://infection.resented.net/eventmetaphor.html
http://www.eskimo.com/~galt/georgia.html
http://atlanta.indymedia.org
http://www.brassknuckles.net
http://www.neuroticos.com
THE LETTUCE LINE FORMS TO THE RIGHT...
thanks that is sweet and the same to u ! :)
amy
congrats everyone!
this summer's webzine event made it into the "GENERATOR"
section of the design, fashion, and culture magazine
called *surface. we're listed alongside RESFest, Betalounge
and about 25 other new American projects that support
modern creativity. they don't have a web site that I can
locate so you'll just have to run out and pick up a
copy for yourself. we're listed as number 1. again, I'd
like to say thanks to everyone that contributed to the
event. we've made the world a better place!
also, sorry I've been dormant on the list for awhile... I
have just returned from travelling for the past 2.5 months.
anyone want to help out with planning for webzine 2001?
let me know: ryan@webzine2000.com
best,
ryan j.
to ati@etext.org:
It is interesting that Zoran Djindjic had been declared Serbia's
future prime minister by the western media and pollsters weeks
before the Dec. 23 election. And that Djindjic had started to
make some cabinet appointments also well before the votes had
been cast (see the NYT story).
Isn't democracy a wonderful thing?
Wonder then why the voter turnout dropped form 75% in
September to 60% in December?
Happy New Year!
Bob Dj.
to: "Your OWN Name Here:"
from: The CheshireCatalyst
"Though the election is over...
The results are not known
The will of the people
was clearly not shown
But let's stop all the quarreling
Let bitterness pass
I'll hug your elephant
You kiss my ass."
The MAP and featured poetry
supplements are posted on line at:
The Poets' Porch: www.poetsporch.com
Dream Forge: www.pcisys.net/~drmforge/poems.htm
Austin Metro: www.austinmetro.com/poetpage.html
Much love,
Stazja
Happy new year.
pk
to marco:
I'm out of the office until January 8th.
Meanwhile, Happy Holidays & New Year.
???
Marc,
Happy Holidays! Is it as snowy there as it is here??
We're just getting dumped on constantly since the big
one last Monday...
So ya wanna see my first ever 'beat' poem?
ok, but I like it better performed
;)
I hope to catch another of Bret's performances,
because I really like his stuff--does he come this way
much? Ok, here goes...
________(this poem was spawned by the question
'what did you feel this weekend?')
enjoy
--Peace!,
sarah.
Tired.
Inspired, exhilerated,
Moved. To action.
Convicted..and not of a crime
but of Justice..
and peace in OUR TIME.
Sad. And glad, and mad,
Moved. To tears..
of the years, of the YEARS,
CAN THEY HEAR thru the riot gear,
thru the fear? Oh, us-n-them..
SHhhhh!
A voice is coming near,
coming clear
cross the countryside~~and carry me, carry me hooooome'~~
to realize them gotta be us,
us gotta be them (yeah, walk a day in MY soggy shoes)
to mend a "We"
(and yes, that's all y'all n me)
In a family,
a city street, in the scuffling of
fearless children's feet
in a great country, in it's foreign policy..
~~WE shall over coooome~~
Tired.
Inspired, exhilirated,
CALLED. To action.
& In The No Antecedent Department:
I asked a professor in Sociology friend
of mine for book sugggestions about this
very topic. The books titles are:
MORE BRILLIANT THAN THE SUN
RACE IN CYBERSPACE.
DIGITAL CAPITALISM
RICH MEDIA, POOR DEMOCRACY
NO LOGO
If you'd like information about these titles,
let me know and I can send you a link.
ATI 'Zine is a collection of frequently used words readers
will learn as they go.
Reading these words will increase creative thinking
skills. The reader is encouraged to sound out each word
before reading it. Readers will use this 'zine to explore
initial blends, ending blends, short and long vowels, word
families (rhyming words), compound words, contractions,
and lists of high-frequency, high-interest words.
This 'zine is organized in order of difficulty. B sure
U R comfortable writing the words at the beginning B-4
moving on 2 the more difficult sections.
For further review, follow the links in the famous #'s
run at the top of this 'zine.
[And for extra credit: take any line of this
'zine and add the phrase "in bed," to it.
| bwahahahahah! hahahahah! |
| bwahahahahah! bwahahahahah! |
| bwahahahahah! hahahahah! hahahahah! |
AND IN FAKE NEWS (kudos to La Jornada news
for their recent Innocents' Day coverage)
PaWN Corrects Frog Plague Story
HONO-LUDENS (PaWN) -- Prime Whirled Newz erroneously reported 28Dec
that an experiment using pure caffeine spray to control a tree frog
population in Hawaii must be approved by the Food and Drug Admin.
The trials must be approved by William K. Reilly, head of "W" Bush's
Environmental Protection Think-Tank.
| bwahahahahah! hahahahah! |
| bwahahahahah! bwahahahahah! |
| bwahahahahah! hahahahah! hahahahah! |
December 29, 2000 (first anniversary of victory over eToys)
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
IMPOSTURE, PREDATION MARK 2000 TONE
The WTO becomes honest, children get "tough love" from corporate
predators, and the elections really were auctioned off after all
At RTMark, the rough-and-tumble Year 2000 was dominated by
significant cultural payoffs, as well as one obvious failure.
And preparing the way for the year's funniest moment was
RTMark's first-quarter transfer of Gatt.org
(http://rtmark.com/gatt.html) to a group of
impostors known as The Yes Men (http://www.theyesmen.org/wto/),
who have maintained the site ever since.
IMPOSTORS MAKE THE WTO HONEST
The transfer paid off in May, when an organizer of a conference for
lawyers specializing in international trade matters visited Gatt.org and,
without reading the text very closely, clicked "Contact" to invite WTO
Director-General Mike Moore to speak. "Moore" declined but offered to send
a substitute.
A DOWNTURN FOR A DEMOCRACY
Voteauction.com (http://rtmark.com/voteauction.html), the "private-sector
solution" of which Dr. Bichlbauer spoke, itself formed the largest
dividend of 2000 for the RTMark investor. Newspaper and TV journalists who
covered the story often found ways to mention that corporations already
buy votes--exactly the point founder James Baumgartner had hoped would be
made. (Baumgartner is currently planning a spring lecture tour to help
defray legal costs he incurred fighting lawsuits before the ACLU came to
his rescue. He can be reached at mailto:voteauction@mail.com.)
But 2000 was certainly not all free speech and good luck. And the year's
biggest disappointment began with 1999's biggest triumph.
ETOYS IS DEAD (NEARLY)! LONG LIVE FERRERO!
One year ago today, eToys capitulated to activist pressure--
which some say had helped drive down its stock price,
recently sighted at $0.03--and officially gave up its
attempt to steal an art group's domain name
(http://rtmark.com/etoy.html).
ON THE HORIZON
http://www.deportation-alliance.com/lh/english.html
http://rtmark.com/corpoetry.html)
RTMark's primary goal is to publicize corporate subversion
of the democratic process. To this end it acts as a
clearinghouse for anti-corporate projects.
# 30 #
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Hurry there's only _00_ left.
Call 860-887-2600 ext. 5293 to hollar at the Prime Anarchist.
And remember, 2morrow is international "BestFootForward" day,
So get out there and like they say in AbominableSnowmanLand,
"Put one foot in front of the other;
And soon you'll be luncheon meat for
some-big-huge-white-thing."
We end with a short poem excerpt
overheard by temp worker
Missy Chimovitz.
You can play it two sides to the middle...
I really want to know your thoughts--
I'm game to making some internal adjustments,
Because I really want to wrap my arms around this thing.