💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › BLAH › blah-012.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 10:27:46.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
? ??? ? ? ?
?? ?? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ?
BLaH ? ? ? ??? ? ?
File ??? ? ?? ????? Written August 4th, 1992
#012 ? ?ig ?ong ??? ?nd ? ?airy
? ? ? ? ? ? ?
??? ???? ????? ?? ??
Presents
? ?? ?
"Cthulhu Crusade '92!"
? by ?
Constantine
? ?? ?
Well, it's almost election time again-- what are YOU gonna do
about it? You could vote for Bush/Quayle, but then you'd have to live
with putting a diehard conservative and his moronically incompetent
stooge back in office. You could vote for Clinton/Gore, but then you'd
have to live with TIPPER GORE CONSTANTLY ON TELEVISION AGAIN! It seems
like a tough choice either way, right? Wrong! The Dream Candidate is
HERE, friends...
Why vote for the LESSER of all evils? Go for CTHULHU IN '92!
That's right, the demon-lord of R'leyh has thrown his (10 mile
diameter) hat into the ring! Voted "Most Likely to Eat the Universe"
by Playbeing Magazine, he's a one-man presidential machine! Of course,
when you've got a candidate this big (and we mean BIG), only one vice-
president will do-- Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos! It's the Ticket
from Hell, and this is their platform:
1: As promises to slash spending have failed in the past, Cthulhu will
slash the SPENDERS. Congress will be summarily devoured, and the Senate
reserved for diabolical sacrifices.
2: No new taxes! Every family will, however, be requrired to offer their
firstborn child.
3: More riots. Lots more.
4: Arms spending and nuclear proliferation will end, because Cthulhu's
first act as President will be to eat all other nations.
5: Changes in our stuffy old traditions-- national bird will be the
Byhakee, national flag will bear the Yellow Sign, and the national
song will be changed to that grand old classic, "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu
Ftaghuan!".
6: No matter who you vote for, the world is going to end. With Cthulhu,
you at least get nifty pyrotechnics.
7: The Necronomicon will be required reading in public schools, and
school prayer will be reinstated in a BIG way.
8: No more PTL.
9: If elected, Nyarlathotep will eat Dan Quayle alive on national
television. New episodes of "Murphy Brown" will air immediately
afterward.
There it is-- the simple 9-point plan to bring this nation back
on its feet. So go out and register to vote today! And if you're still
not convinced, just remember one thing-- when the Deep Ones march from
house to house asking who voted and who didn't, do YOU want to tell
them that you went Republican? Didn't think so.
{---End of File... Safe-T-Nutz v0.90? says "3523 Bytes Total"------------}
"Better than ZA/\/?"
-- Some Guy On The Street With a Hotdog
BLaH <sigh>ts .. Just so you'll know where to get more of this crap..
Nun-Beaters Anonymous | <708>251-5094 | 110/16.8k
Hell Bound | <708>965-8965 | 2400/14.4k
The Insane Asylum | <305>927-3028 | 2400/16.8k
The Realm of Death | <419>475-3089 | 2400/16.8k
{---Rainbow Line--Somewhere Over is the Truth..-------------------------}