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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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File #187
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I received this in the mail almost a month ago, but can't
find the original mail.. so, I don't know who sent it to me, or
who wrote it. Since it was sent to me, I can only assume it was meant
to be released. If not, I apologize for doing so without permission,
but hey, who am I supposed to ask? :)
- Dis
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Feeling good
I'm feeling strong
I'm holding out
I'm holding on
There's lots to do
There's lots to say
Just so you can have today
A party here
A party there
No one ever really cares
If your old enough
Feeling strong
Tell yourself there's nothing wrong
There's nothing wrong
Let's look at peace
Full of lies
Holding on for no surprise
Devil pushed you in with me
Someone else's soul to thieve
Feeling fine, Feel ok
Step inside, We'll get away
If your holding out, Feeling strong
Tell yourself there's nothing wrong
Nothing wrong
You see
If holding out is dragging you down
Come on with me
Now if your feeling sad, full of strain
You'd better find someone to blame
Feeling good, Feeling strong
Baby, I just carry on
Baby I just step away
Stuff to do for today
I'm holding out, feeling strong
Just tell yourself there's nothing wrong
Nothing wrong
- `nothing wrong' Red Lorry Yellow Lorry
Life in the suburbs is hell. There's nothing particularly wrong with
it except it sucks. This is the real zone of the droid. The zone of the
blank expressions with the intent of someone hell bent on the acquisition
of money and increasing their ignorance. Things get a new sort of perspective.
I would almost hazard saying they are surreal in sorts. People with no
particular order, no time for reality. Only time for the 5 minute news
piece on the tv or read the following day in the newspaper. Here I am at
work, 7am and thinking once again too much about my past. Let's think.
7 friends are dead. 3 of which from suicide. The others from car accidents,
drug overdoses or whatever. That is irrelevant though and likely typed as a
way to warrant leaving the computer humming away without actually doing
anything on it. Oh well... The point I guess <if I ever really *have* a
point> is why? What could have driven people to this? The corruption and
idiocy of our school system hell bent on conformity and social acceptance?
The "Fit in or be thrown out" attitude? A rapidly crumbling political
system that pretty much everyone trusts simply because you should? The
various aborations of what people should or shouldn't believe? When I
was in school it was a disastrous experience for me, and I guess in turn
for the school system. Yea, that must be it- The system that teaches and
molds us into model citizens. Or does it brainwash and only teach how to
be `one of the gang'? There must be a reason for there being so many stupid
people. Well, it's working. The stupid people continue to breed and let
their children be `educated' in the same manner as them and thus letting
the ignorance continue. Over and over. Generation after generation. The
people who actually think for themselves and not simply what social
standards dictate are outcast as simply being weird. What the fuck
is that? Weird compared to what? No answer. Their programming didn't
cover that one. So, laws are invented to constrain those who pose a real
threat to society and the rest are left simply being a threat mostly to
themselves. Thus, 7 of my friends are dead. Oh, pity the school guidance
councilor or psychologist. Sure, some of them may do some good like giving
away condoms or offering explicitly vague and simplistic answers to
complex problems but never offering sound advice. More dead. I am lucky.
I have survived what is apparently the hardest time of the life, yet it
was supposedly my best years? What a fucking rip off. I want my money
back. But in the stupidity of the laws one cannot simply chose to make
an exit. First is the initial `attempt' which almost always fails. Then
comes a few weeks of so called counseling until you promise not to try
and escape this hell again. Then they try and teach you stress management
crap and ways of coping with situations that vary from moderately obscene
to downright disturbing. From there you are thrown out into a social chain
bent on breaking you down unless you keep pounding it into yourself that
there is nothing wrong. Keep that attitude and all will be fine. If their
retraining was successful <which it hardly is> all will be fine. If it
failed then you likely go thru it again and again until 1: You are so
doped out on prozak and other happy pills that truly nothing is wrong
or 2: Finally successful. Hamm, where's the justice? What happened? Where
is the true structure for people to figure out? What is it in fact? That
we should all just conform and be happy? Funk that. I have a problem in
the fact that I am a wee bit of a realist. I cannot accept that people
who do things that society finds `offensive' or simply undesirable do
so simply because they were messed. Gee, I wonder who did the messing to
begin with? Hehe, people are fucked. Droids. Closed. No desire for anything
that is not normally accessible. No creativity or drive to think. Who starts
this change? Wild guess? School! The competition that carries on in the
cliques and who has the latest new clothes. Computers and more so are
considered a taboo thing reserved only for geeks and whatnot. Again,
society placing labels of bad on things they cannot comprehend. I read in an
article somewhere once that most parents would have their kids read for half
an hour than funk with the net. Gimme a fucking break! Why? What's the big
deal? Tell me honestly- I have read of porn on the net, beastiality and
kiddie and otherwise, but just how easy is it to get? I myself ain't into
that scene too much so never really bothered to look too hard. But I got
curious. Just how many 6 year olds may accidentally see a nude photo of
the human body. So, I went and looked. World Wide Web. As much as I hated
having to do so I fired up microsloth's XT emulation mode <also called
winblows> and started netscape. Went to yahoo and did a search. Sure enough
a shitload of porn sites came into perspective. I went to a few but there
were no XXX images to be found. A few scantily dressed models, but hardly
anything worse than the bra and girdle section of your favorite catalog.
The rest you have to pay for and then telnet to. Hmm, ok, usenet; There
has to be something there. I fired up tin and yanked in all message subs.
Hmm, something was missing! alt.binaries.nude or whatever combination
was seemingly missing. I telneted over to another account I was using
at the time and did the same there. Ahhh, there they were. All UUE
encoded. Hmm, I had to wonder 1: why the funk my college was censoring
what newsfeeds we get in <and don't say to save hard drive space as it's
a known fact the schools computer is littered with `core' files. hehe, of
course I do them the favor of deleting them:>> 2: Just how many 6 year olds
know how to decode UUE messages. Shit, it took me a few minutes to figure
out myself. and 3: Why cant the parents change news servers to a