💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › GWD › gwd37.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 12:06:17.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e
Presents:
"The Yuletide Caper"
also titled
"The Twelve Days of December"
also titled
"And A Partridge In A Pear Tree"
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 14
Dearest John,
I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a
partridge in a pear tree. What a delightfully thoughful gift!
I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and affection,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 15
Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just
imagine, two turtle doves! I'm just delighted at your very
thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 16
Dear John,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I really must
protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three french
hens! They are just darling, but I must insist, you've been
too kind.
Love,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 17
Dear John,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now
really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is
enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 18
Dearest John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden
rings--one for every finger! You're just impossible, but I
love it. Frankly, all those squawking birds were getting on
my nerves.
All my love,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 19
Dear John,
When I opened my door, there were actually six geese a
laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds, huh?
Those geese are huge! Where will I ever keep them? The
neighbirs are complaining and I can't sleep through the
racket.
Please stop.
Cordially,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 20
John,
What's with you and those fucking birds?? 7 swans a
swimming! What kind of crappy joke is this? There's bird
shit all over the house and they never stop with the
racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck;
it's not funny. SO stop with those fucking birds.
Sincerely yours,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 21
OK Buster,
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I
going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough
with all these birds and 8 maids a milking, but they
had to bring those ridiculous cows!! There is shit
all over the lawn, and I can't move in my own house.
Just lay off me, smartass.
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 22
Hey Shithead,
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's
9 pipers piping--and Hells Bells, do they play!!
They have never stopped chasing those maids since they
got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset
and they are stepping all over the screeching birds.
What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a
petition to evict me.
You'll get yours,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 23
Your Rotten Sonofabitch,
Now there's 10 ladies dancing. I don't know why
I even call those sluts ladies. They've been balling
those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep
and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of
shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoened me
to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm siccing the police on you.
One who means it,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Miss Abigail Forthrightly
Goody Two Street
Okefenokee, Missouri
December 24
Listen Asshole,
What's with the 11 lords a leaping on those maids
and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again.
Those pipers have run through the maids, and have been
committing sodomy with the cows! All 23 of the birds
are dead. They were trampled to death in the orgy. I
hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Abigail
________________________________________________________________________________
Bindum, Twistum, and Gougem
Attorneys At Law
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
910 Upyurs Avenue St. Louis, Missouri
December 25
John Bedeviler
85 Ornery Avenue
Annoyance, Missouri
Dear Sir:
This is to ackonwledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers
fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our
client, Miss Abigail Forthrightly. The destruction, of
course, was total. All correspondence should come to
our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss
Forthrightly at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendents
have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this
letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Bindu, Twistum, and Gougem
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
A friend of mine gave that to me. It has no author listed, but I thought it was
damn funny.
-Lobo
12/24/94
________________________________________________________________________________
Merry Christmas and all that from GwD.
So what if it's a little late? Read it again next year!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------[GwD Command Centers]-----------------------------
Chaos (806)797-7501 | PCI (806)792-3302
GridPoint Durant (405)920-1347 | The Sprawl (806)797-0820
Federation Slayers' (806)798-8168 | Mogel-Land (215)732-3413
The Snake's Den (806)793-3779 | The Lagoon (914)638-3712
The Siege Perilous (806)762-0948 | Altered Reality (203)925-8349
Brazen's Hell (301)776-8259 | Cell Block 4 (214)612-8694
Pirate's Cove (806)795-4926 |
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
/---------------\
copyright (c) 1994 GwD Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c) 1993 by Lobo : GwD :
All rights reserved to Green X-Mas wreaths \---------------/
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD37