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|| PURE ANARCHY!!!!!! /| SATAN |\ BOMBZ HARDCORE!! ||
|| ___ ___ | | IS LORD | | _______________ ||
|| |$$| HOE 1014 |$$| \`\ !!!!! /'/' |$$$$$$$$| ||
|| |$$| 01/30/00 |$$| \ `---------' / |$$|~~~~~~~~~~~ ||
|| |$$|__________|$$| / /\ /\ \ |$$| LOTSA BOOM ||
|| |$$$$$$$$$| | '' `` | |$$|___ 2 FUCK ||
|| |$$/~~~~~~~~\$$| \ ` ' / |$$$$| YA SHT ||
|| |$$| TRUE |$$| `\ <o> /' |$$|~~~ UP!!!! ||
|| |$$| TERORISM |$$| 666 `\ /' 666 |$$|___________ ||
|| |$$| INSIDE!! |$$| ___/'`---'`\___ |$$$$$$$$| ||
\\ ~~~ ~~~ HOGZA DA ENTROPY! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ //
\\ YEAH BOYEE@#! H/P/A/V/C IN DA MOTHAFUCKIN HAUSZ#@!@$ //
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\\ "HOW TO FUCK UP SOME SHiT AND //
\\ GET HiGH AS SHiT WiTH WiTCHCRAFT" //
\\ by Killer Kreid //
\\__________________________________//
Greetings, dark souls! Killer Kreid welcomes you again to another
issue of "HOW TO FUCK UP SOME SHIT AND GET HIGH AS SHIT Magazine." In
this issue (#3!!!), entitled "How to Fuck Up Some Shit and Get High as
Shit with WitchCraft," I will reveal to you, in my soulless way, How YOU
(yes, you!) can fuck up some shit and get high as a motherfucker...
...with witchcratf!
Now, hardcore "witchcraft-artists" rarely use the word
"witchcraft". Instead, they say something like "WICCA" or "NYGGAH" or
like a "WYCCAN" is someone who's like a witch. But forget that shit,
because it doesn't matter to you and me. All the people who say that are
a bunch of black-makeup wearing faggots. They don't do jack shit except
frown a lot and light gay-ass bonfires in the woods and get their skinny
asses kicked in the woods by me.
No, I'm not talking about being a faggot witch. I'm talking about
being a cool-ass scary witch like the Blair Witch. Remember how she
scared the shit out of those kids and then totally fucked with their
shit! Hahahaha. Anyway this anarchy file is all about how to fuck shit
up like the Blair Witch, and also how to get high as shit!
ARTICLE NUMBER ONE: Tent Box Plans
Okay the "tent box" is a very simple box, actually it's more like
an outdoor scene than a box, but whatever. What you do is, you go find
some "kiddie kamperz" (I fuckin hate little kiddiez) and wait for them to
pitch their tent and go to sleep. Then, while they're sleeping, you put
a bunch of piles of rocks around their tent. I would say put 13 there,
but usually there are about enough rocks around for 4. But think,
1 + 3 = 4! Evil works in mysterious ways, my friend.
Don't forget to run around real fast in the leaves so the kiddiez
get scared! And if they come out of their tent, and here's the important
part, you JUMP UP FROM BEHIND THEM AND DRIVE A SAWED-OFF BROOMSTICK
THROUGH THEIR LITTLE HEARTS!
If your kiddiez are too frightened to come out of their tent,
don't worry. This just means you have a bunch of fuckin pussy-assed
kiddiez on your hands. If this happens, just fuck with them a lot and
then steal one of their friends and take them to that old shack in the
woods that you've been living in. Eventually, the little pussy's friends
will come to rescue them, and that's when you paralyze them with fear and
execute them one by one.
If you want to freak them out, don't let them ever see you. Like
this one time I had this big giant zit on my nose and I didn't want the
kids to see me because they might recognize me from school or something,
so I just kept screaming "I CAN FEEL YOUR EYES!!! THE BOY WHO LOOKS AT
ME SHALL DIE!!!" Holy shit, those kids were pissing in their pants.
Also, a ski mask can be really scary-looking unless you have a tiny head
or no neck or something.
ARTICLE NUMBER TWO: Witchy Shroom Party Planz
Ever try eating mushrooms and then walking around in the woods and
slaughtering children? Holy shit, every time I do that, I feel like I'm
gonna turn into the devil or something. Ever get that voice in your head
that keeps saying "SLAY ALL CHILDREN IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD SATAN SLAY
ALL CHILDREN IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD SATAN..." and on and on? Well, if
you're on shrooms, it gets even louder!
Sometimes I like to have my friends over and have a "Witch's Brew
Party" in the old shack in the woods. I make a tea with shrooms and acid
and 160-proof vodka and tang, and all my friends and I go crazy and paint
witch stuff and swastikas all over the house or wherever we're hanging
out. I usually can't remember what I've done after a couple of pints of
witch's brew in the early evening.
THAT'S IT MOTHERFUCKERS
Well, that about covers it. You got mad anarchy planz and you
KNOW you're getting high as shit next Friday night. Killer Kreid is
OUTIE 666. Until next time... mwahahahahah!
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[ (c) HOE EZINE! WWW.HOE.NU! A-BEWM-BEWM! #1014 -> BY KREID - 1/30/00 ]