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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #859
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Out to Lunch"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Phairgirl
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 9/28/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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I turn onto the on-ramp, wishing that son of a bitch in the slowass
Caravan would've been travelling two miles an hour slower so that I might
not have had to wait for him to go ahead of me at the previous stop sign. I
ride his ass until I hit the other lane, doing 70 before I even have the
chance to decide how close to the speed limit I'm going to travel today.
I'm too lazy to plug in the discman today. Instead, it's good old
97.3 KGRR, the only independent radio station left in this damn town. Sure,
there's another classic rock station in town, but they're not playing
"Bungle in the Jungle" right now, they NEVER play "Bungle in the Jungle,"
and so it's not worth pushing the seek button... ever. And who cares what
the next song might be, because more than likely it's going to be something
decent. If not, I might magically become unlazy and plug in that discman
after all.
It takes approximately 2.5 seconds to travel the overpass, as all
overpasses in large 60,000 metropolises like Dubuque take. I pull into
Arby's, where I've never eaten in my life until yesterday when I discovered
Jalepeno Bites, and pick up another round for today. They're so friendly
there. I wish I was friendly. Instead, I paid completely in change. They
hate me there.
I feel quite disturbed, as I realize Nine Inch Nails just came out
with a new album and I didn't buy it yet. This is what is commonly known as
"heresy" in many social circles with whom I associate. I don't care. All
the new shit I've heard so far was horrid. Bush has a new album coming out.
I am frightened. Foo Fighters has a new album coming out. I much like Foo.
Dream Theater has a new album coming out. All I can wish is for anything on
that disc to be half as good as "Space-Dye Vest" was. I'm holding my
breath, as I've been holding, ever since Kevin Moore left the band.
I spin around back onto that familiar overpass. There's a train
travelling alongside me. How can the people at Arby's hear anything in
their drive-thru with that awful blasting horn and rumbling of the tracks
right there? I suppose that's not for me to worry about, but I do anyway,
being as my only other concern is the Jetta that is travelling the speed
limit in the left lane in front of me. That bitch finally moves over, and I
finally pass the four vehicles clogging the right lane before my exit 2.5
seconds later. Yet, another slowpoke on the exit almost forces me to hit
them. It's a game, they're all fucking with my head. They want my brakes
to give out, as close as they are to doing so already. They want the
insurance money. They want to trade their wreck for a Beemer.
The world is depressing me. There seems to be no geniuses left...
all the geniuses have let their minds rot and die. Queensryche just
released the most disappointing record of their career. Rush's last album
had that awful cheesy song about the Internet. Everything is so bland. I
thought Drain s.t.h. was incredible, but after listening to their new album
a few million times, I realize they're just females ripping off Stabbing
Westward, with only slightly less lyrical quality and slightly heavier
riffs. Where am I to look for the next big thing? Why won't Dream Theater
and Liz Phair improve with age? Why do I own over 650 CDs? Is there
anything worth listening to besides 97.3 anymore? Is "Bungle in the Jungle"
the closest I will ever get to hearing brilliance again?
And where the fuck is my Bronco Berry sauce?
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #859 - WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 9/28/99 ]