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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #838
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 "I Do Not Actually Hate Women,
888 888 888 888 888 But I Will Pretend To For
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 The Sake Of This File"
888 888 888 888 888 " by Quarex
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 9/20/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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The name of this file really says it all. Yes, I blamed women 100%
for my inability to get a date from 1993 to early 1998. However, after I
suddenly wised up, thanks to actually getting a girlfriend, I realized that
I only really had myself to blame. Well, not specifically myself, but
rather the evil curse which permeates into every area of my life which deals
with women. So, I no longer say I hate women, as I do not, and rather like
them.
That said, there are a few things which, as always, infuriate me, and
they deal specifically only with women. Without further ado, here we
fucking go.
** WOMEN LIE ALL THE TIME: HERE IS PROOF **
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about virginity, and
the fact that we were quite frankly probably the only two Seniors who were
also virgins on the entire UIUC campus, at least barring people who are
abstaining until they marry the person they have been dating their whole
life, or something fucking retarded like that.
This conversation eventually led to his recount of a party he had
been to a few weeks previous, and how the group discussion led to the topic
of virginity. Some girl suggested that male virgins are really quite
attractive, and very appealing. All the others agreed. Clearly, they
reasoned, there is something inherently pure and endearing about a male
virgin, and therefore girls will be interested in being with them, and
presumably being the first to share in that "wonderful" experience of sex.
Okay, yeah, SURE, WHAT IN THE MOTHER-FUCK EVER. I HAVE NEVER IN MY
FUCKING LIFE HEARD A BIGGER BUNCH OF FUCKING BULLSHIT. EVERY GODDAMN
FUCKING TIME the fact that I am a virgin IS BROUGHT UP, aside from perhaps
the odd "Well, that is no surprise" comments, the only real feedback I get
is GUYS telling me that it is NO BIG DEAL, that it is COOL that I am a
virgin.
Okay. Fucking great. It is cool that I am a virgin. Yes, actually,
I feel that it is. However, looking at the faces of the girls portrays a
completely different fucking picture. Those that are not amused to the
point of almost laughing out loud at me are clearly disinterested in the
subject anyway.
You know what women want? Not a virgin, I can tell you that. From
everything I have ever fucking seen, women want a guy who has not only
fucked all of her friends, and then bragged about it, but contracted god
knows what sexually transmitted diseases in the process. Time after time, I
see the same pattern. Girls could give a fuck less how many people a guy
has been with, as long as he will also be with them. If a guy has never had
sex at all, though, you might as well just consider him dead in the fucking
water, because no woman is going to give him the fucking time of day as far
as considering him for a relationship goes.
God fucking dammit. Fuck.
** THE OTHER THING THAT INFURIATES ME **
I let my guard down for the first time in mid-August, just before my
birthday. I somehow let two girls convince me that they were interested in
me as a human being, and were interested in starting some kind of
relationship with me. Well, the first one essentially said that she was
not yet over her last ex-boyfriend, which was wholly believable, and
furthermore could not date yet as a result. Okay, I could deal with that.
So the second one and I start dating. Everything is great for the
first, well, day. After two days have gone by, she is already punching me
if I try to touch her, and spending more time talking to anyone but me.
Needless to say, I call it off after five days total. Immediately
thereafter, she goes back to treating me the way she always had, very
lovingly, and always enjoying our time together.
Okay, so naturally I say, WHAT IN THE MOTHER FUCK IS FUCKING GOING
THE FUCK ON HERE? I can deal with it, though, because all of her
explanations made pretty decent sense.
Then, I find out that the first girl was completely lying about being
interested in me to "spare my feelings." I DO NOT NEED YOUR GODDAMN MOTHER
FUCKING PITY, YOU FUCKING WHORE.
Then, my recently ex-girlfriend immediately starts dating the guy she
has been lusting after for ages, and does things with him that she swore she
would break up with me if I tried (kissing in public). You goddamn fucking
bitch. I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU. ALL OF YOU FUCKING WOMEN. YOU CAN ALL
GO THE FUCK TO HELL AND FUCKING DIE. I AM A FUCKING FANTASTIC GUY, YOU ALL
FUCKING TELL ME THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME. SO FUCKING ACT LIKE IT, YOU
GODDAMN FUCKING TANGERINES.
I am never, ever, ever again letting myself second-guess my
instincts: If a girl tells me she is interested in dating me, she is LYING.
SHE IS LYING. IF SHE WANTS ME, SHE WILL FUCKING KISS ME OR SOMETHING, NOT
TRY TO RATIONALIZE TO HERSELF THAT SHE CAN POSSIBLY ACCEPT THE THEORETICAL
IDEA OF THE OFF-CHANCE THAT THE IDEA OF A RELATIONSHIP COULD HAVE SOME SHRED
OF A POSSBILITY OF WORKING OUT, MAYBE.
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I am so glad that I can say I am not actively going to try to get
another girlfriend for the rest of the millennium.
Making me the eight trillionth person today to make a joke like that.
Goodnight.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #838 - WRITTEN BY: QUAREX - 9/20/99 ]