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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #792
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "I'm Going To Brush My Tooth,
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 I Mean It This Time"
888 888 888 888 888 " by CannibalButterfly
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 8/22/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Here, There, Everywhere. "A great retard manifesto. Hey, crippled
kids need love, too.
"I muh-muh-muh-mean it this time"
I think we've all heard those suffocating words pass through
someone's dry, chapped lips. It's gagfully delicious.
Everyone is well aware that the common "I mean it this time"
statement IS the root of all evil. It's broken households, forced kids on
the street, driven single mom's to sell their body just to get by, and worst
of all, forced the Pixies to separate.
"He stole my baby!! I'M PRESSING CHARGES!! I mean it this time!"
Hmm...That one certainly sounds familiar to me. Puh-leez.
"I love you! I promise I wont knock da boots wit other honeys! No
matter how fly they be! I mean it dis time, yo!" Hello? HELL-o?? Suck
his wang one last time and send him out the door!
"I did not use your turkey baster as an enime! I mean it this time!
Things are different for me now." Ugh?? Enough said.
Well, I recently found myself using those god forbidden words. It
shocked me into rock n roll heaven. Forget the weed, the powders, the
needles. Daddy discovered a new sort of drug. "I mean it this time"
Addicting, useful, and believable to the na?ve. Mwuhaha.
"Are you going to get your very wonderful and firm buttocks off that
computer today and actually clean the kitchen??"
"Yes, mother, and I mean it this time. From the bottom of my lil
bitty heart."
"Aww, you're such a wonderful daughter. *big hugs"
(Okay, okay. Maybe I'm sweetening the conversation just a tad, but I
get pretty embarassed when mommy yells at me in front of my internet
friends.)
Low and behold....I didn't get around to cleaning the kitchen. Well,
I actually didn't get around to cleaning anything at all. God, times flies
with you're looking at goat porn. Mmmmmm. Anyhoot, this became a cycle for
me and it felt good. Ohh god, did it feel good.
Maybe it was Betsy's oh so seXXXy baaah, baaah? Maybe it was my pure
laziness? Maybe it was the hip re-runs of What's happenin' on the black
entertainment station?
Only thing I did know was that I was in denial and the days passed me
by quicker than Milli Vanilli's singing career.
I guess I came to the realization that I had a problem when I noticed
my arm pit hair was long enough to be braided. Not only did I skip the
cleaning bit that week, I also skipped the getting out of this chair bit.
At the time it seemed so useless. But goodness gracious! The awful stains
on my oh so chic jeans and the horrific aroma that was venting off of me
spoke for themselves. I was in bad shape.
After catching my beastly reflection in the blank computer screen I
made the biggest decision in my life. I was going to clean that kitchen
like it had never been cleaned before. Just one problem...my body was weak
and frail from sitting for so long. I was forced to visit a few 'Exercise
for the Elderly' sites and do some sit down warm-ups to build myself back up
to the masculine and brute woman I'd always been.
I gathered my strength and grabbed a hold of my desk.
Right foot first.
Slow and steady.
Ta-da!
Left foot second.
Slow and steady.
Ta-da!
I was standing up and feeling a little dizzy, but I managed to limp
my way into the kitchen. I opened my eyes and expected a bloody mess, but
instead, ohh la la! It looked wonderful! Obviously, my mom got sick of
waiting for me to clean and just did it herself. I must say this though,
she did a kick ass job! So now what was I going to do?? *brain storm*
Computer...is...fun.
You may be thinking that was a waste of a story, but it's actually
not. I learned a lesson and I felt as if it needed to be shared. Here it
is homefry, If someone asks you to clean, don't do it. They'll eventually
give in and do it themselves. Brilliant, huh?
And another thing, if you sit at the computer for a week make sure to
get up and do stretch exercises for 3 minutes a day. You could even change
your clothes and take a potty break when needed.
Yes, it is cool.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #792 - BY: CANNIBALBUTTERFLY - 8/22/99 ]