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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #734
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Getting All Towed-Up"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Big Daddy Bill
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/16/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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So here I am, chillin in the cop shop, waiting for this 105 year
old... cop secretary?... to find out if I have to pay right there at the
desk, or if I have to go to the Clerk of Courts across the street, to pay my
"lack of proof of insurance" ticket I got last night.
It's me, Steve, and Mr Negro (aka Jeremy) sitting at an intersection
between 17th and central. Well, we weren't sitting there, we were in a damn
car.. so really we were idling there.
Anyway, a cop drives right by us, just doin' what cops do, y'know...
lookin' for crime to stop! I figured this out, and believe me, it's an
amazing theory... "If cops can only pull you over if they're behind you...
then I'll get behind this cop! And he can't do shit! I am the smartest man
in the world!!!"
At that time, however, I forgot that my brights were permanently
stuck on and our silly asses indeed got pulled over. It's like... damn.
So they one-time me, pulled me from the car, beat me in the streets
with their billy clubs (ha ha), all the while Mr Negro filmed it. It was
beautiful, like Rodney King.. only reversed roles.
After they finished clubbing me ruthlessly, they issued me the
following citations:
$41.00 - violating issued learners permit
$145.00 - lack of proof of insurance
$11.00 - having a larger-than-average head
I told the cop it wasn't my fault I had a big head. I didn't even
know it was a crime! He told me some shit about FCC regulations.. like if a
pilot needed to make an emergency crash, he'd mistake the top of my skull
for a landing field and crash right into my melon. And someone could get
hurt.
"Plus", he added all James Earl Jones-y... "Ignorance of the law is
no excuse..."
What is a man to do? I have to pay the tickets before my car can get
out of impound. The tow itself was 50 bucks, and that doesn't make any
frickin' sense. In Dubuque, IA, the going rate for a "law-abiding citizen"
to get his-her car-truck towed-pulled is $35.00 American dollars. But for a
"criminally insane meglomaniac" it costs $50.00. www.whatthefuck.com
To this day the car is rotting in impound, while I wait for my
paycheck to come. Man, I only make like 250 a paycheck and The Man is
getting most of it. Why don't they just take the whole damn thing!?
But, what can ya do... another day in the life of Big Daddy Bill.
(And I never really thought my head was that big anyway, stupid pigs)
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #734 - BY: BIG DADDY BILL - 7/16/99 ]