💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › HOE › hoe-0706.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 12:39:05.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #706
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Teenagers, Nazis, and the French"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Big Daddy Bill
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/1/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
Teenagers, Nazis, and the French: in this article, you will be
stunned at how little I know about any of the above topics. It will amaze
you at how much I can just ramble and make absolutely no sense. In fact, I
know only a few teenagers, even fewer Nazis, and yes... only one Frenchman.
But alas, I have studied these subjects well, and I have drawn upon one
conclusion:
In one form or another, we hate them.
You can be a teenage Nazi, you can be a French teenager, but you
cannot be a French teenage Nazi. The laws of physics won't allow it to
happen. Why, if any such child could be conceived, it would be a gruesome,
horrific sight. People would pay to see such a monstrosity.
Teenagers themselves are rude individuals, with little or no caring
about anyone else but themselves. They think only of getting drunk, having
sex, and getting drunk.
Nazis are full of spite for the human race, and much like teenagers,
are incredibly rude; however, the former and the latter were both taught to
be rude from peers.
The French are naturally born rude and obnoxious, with no conception
of bathing and/or grooming themselves. The females grow body hair in places
where men do not care to see, and the males have excessive facial hair. It
could be said that the French are hairy, as well as rude and smelly.
And then we have to picture the sight of a French teenage Nazi, the
lowest link on the human chain of evolution. Such a creature would not only
be horribly rude, but it would grow mass amounts of hair, and then shave all
of it off from only the sensible place to allow hair to grow: the head.
They would wear stylish clothing, and scream "Le Hitler!" at the top of
their black, smoke-filled lungs. They would drink so much alcohol it could
choke a horse, if horses could choke on alcohol. They would have mass
amounts of sex, and reproduce at an alarming rate. But the most disturbing
fact is they would have exuberant amounts of sex with members of their own
family.
Some could say that it is at least human. Some could argue that
being French disqualifies you from being a human. Others would say that it
would be more Nazi, less teenager and French. I would have to say that I
would immediately kill myself if it would ever be born. Let's look at the
odds here... there are a lot of Nazis, a ton of teenagers and too many
Frenchmen, so what are the chances of all three of them combining into one?
It really doesn't matter, because it can't happen... right?
It is only in this writer's morbid imagination that this dreadful
being could come alive. Do not fear America, for it is in a mere fantasy
(perhaps better called a nightmare) that this thing will ever live. Why, it
is ridiculous to even think about it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go
drink alcohol, smoke and join the KKK.
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #706-WRITTEN BY: BIG DADDY BILL-7/1/99 ]