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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #705
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "Uno International"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Rhea and OzAdrian
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/1/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Rain pounded against the tin roof. Eyes flashed angrily around the
table.
"Out!" the Russian screamed.
"Damnations! I'm out as well!" exclaimed Bronson, slapping his hand
on the table. Uno cards scattered all over the surface.
"You can't drop out, no one has one Uno card yet!" cried Friedrich
the German angrily. "Don't you know how to play the game?!"
Viktor, the Russian, shoved a frustrated fist into the pocket of his
coat and pulled out a flask of vodka. He took a drunken swig and slammed it
onto the table. "Out?" he mumbled under his breath.
Dominique popped over to the table and bent her face into the middle.
"Cheese? Cigarettes?" she asked.
"Ho, ho, ho, Dominique, ma chere," crooned Pierre, pulling her onto
his lap. She threw her platter of cheese and cigarettes across the table
and began kissing Pierre furiously. Pierre's black beret fell carelessly to
the floor.
"Aaaagh!" screamed Louie, the Canadian, suddenly. "You got CHEESE on
my JERSEY!". As he opened his mouth to grunt in anger again, vacancies
between his teeth could be seen. Louie flipped over the table in a rage and
the remainder of the Uno cards fluttered to the floor. "Screw this Uno
game," he said, "I'm missing my hockey game. I hope you have fun with your
cheese, eh?" He grabbed his hockey stick and left, slamming the door behind
him.
Jake put a rough-skinned hand to his face and looked up in a pathetic
look of pain under his cowboy hat. "Damn Canadian hit me with the damned
Uno table!" he cried angrily. "I'm too good for that, God damn it! I'm an
American!". He turned his head and spit an angry glob of tobacco juice onto
the floor. "Hey Freddy," he said to the German, "Can you gimme some of
those Band-Aid things? I'm bleeding like a bull."
"Nein!", screamed the German. He stared at Jake, then after a few
seconds, seemed to regain a thought. "Friedrich! Friedrich!" he corrected
the arrogant American finally, "Mein name is Freidrich!"
Friedrich made pig noises at Jake and stormed out of the room to get
a Band-Aid from the bathroom. The American and the Russian laughed
genuinely and drunkenly at the crazy antics of the German. The two French
were too busy grunting and kissing to notice.
"Friedrich, Friedrich!" Viktor said in mockery of the German. He
chuckled and took another swig of Vodka. He then proceeded to throw up all
over Pierre and Dominique, then passed out on the floor, just as Freidrich
returned with the Band-Aid.
He threw the Band-Aid at Jake and yelled, "Heil Hitler!" then marched
back to his spot.
Bronson, the Englishman, looked confused and startled at this
comment. "Well, well. No need to get your knickers in a twist!" he said,
shaking his head. "Bloody foreigners! They're nothing but a bunch of
bums."
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #705 - BY: RHEA AND OZADRIAN - 5/9/99 ]