💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › HOE › hoe-0680.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 12:38:12.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #680
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "A Real Fun Test! Yes!"
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
888 888 888 888 888 " by Reflecks
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 6/9/99
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
The monkey is a wonderful tool, and this week's absurdist HOE zine
will tell *you* how much monkey potential you have!
ten questions (scoring at bottom!):
__ 1. A friend comes over to you and sits down with his/her
back facing you. You
a. Start grooming
b. Give a back rub
c. Jump on his/her back! Piggy Back Ride!
d. Kick his/her ass
__ 2. Your female friend is looking for food and offers you
sex in return for a banana. You
a. Assume the position
b. Get out the whipped cream because this only happens once
c. Offer a banana but politely refuse the sex
d. Say you have a banana in your pants and wait to see what happens
__ 3. When you hear the word "NASA" you think
a. Genocide
b. Big, throbbing, hot, round, space probe
c. A great service to America from the wonderful US Government
d. A chance to steal free freeze dried food
__ 4. Shaving is
a. A hurting experience
b. Kinky, if done with an experienced and paid professional
c. Something done only to remain aesthetically pleasing
d. Something only women do because stubble is nasty
__ 5. Your friend has a baby and goes on a trip, leaving it with you. You
a. Immediately plop a boob in its mouth and go looking
for food in exchange for sex
b. Find a PlayMonkey magazine and wait
c. Get out the diapers and the Gerber, it's time for baby!
d. Leave the baby somewhere because you don't care, you're
the dominant male and have better things to do
__ 6. Sex is
a. A group experience
b. Best with whips, chains, and handcuffs
c. A new vocabulary word
d. Something he/she forgot the definition of
__ 7. Curious George was
a. The first real professional entertainer
b. Obviously code for a gay buddy to the Man in the Yellow Hat
c. A fantastic children's book series
d. Retarded for hanging out with Mr. Roger's In Disguise
__ 8. Fire comes from
a. Sticks
b. Friction, baby!
c. The stove -- Don't Touch!
d. My bic right before I torch your lame ass
__ 9. Favorite Gilligan's Island episode :
a. Tarzan boy comes to island!
b. Professor and MaryAnne get lost in a cave!
c. The one where they get off the island!
d. The one with the robot!
__ 10. Dancing.
a. Flail arms around, jump pseudo-rhythmically
b. Horizontal, pump pseudo-rhythmically
c. Left, Right, Step, Step, Turn
d. I'm too cool to dance
Scoring!@
Count the A's ____ multiply by 4 ____
Count the B's ____ multiply by 3 ____
Count the C's ____ multiply by 2 ____
Count the D's ____ multiply by 1 ____
total ____
10-40 : Haw haw, you're a monkey for taking this test.
10-15 : Oink! Oink!
16-25 : You are human. You are possibly religious, and Chick Comics
amuse you.
26-30 : Silence of the Lambs was a good movie. Friday is your lucky day,
and your lucky numbers are 2, 9, 65, and 94.
31-33 : Retake the test and count the score again, your math is terrible.
34-40 : The intro to 2001 was more like a documentary, eh?
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #680 - WRITTEN BY: REFLECKS - 6/9/99 ]