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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #588
`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
888 888 888 888 888 "My Nomination for 'Greatest
888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 Eccentric of the 20th Century'"
888 888 888 888 888 "
888 888 `88b d88' 888 o by Ashtray Heart [4/21/99]
o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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I nominate Andrall Pearson, CEO of Tricon. Andrall, despite being a
corporate despot, is well-known for loving a good time, and keeps smelling
salts in his shoes at all times. He claims they "keep the demons away".
Andrall also has that condition the name of which I forget-graph-something-
-that consists of writing compulsively. He writes dozens of pages every
day, mostly moralistic exhortations to his imaginary daughter. Andrall is
also a party hound; he has behaved so crudely and boorishly on occasion
that Howard Stern has denounced him in public for "poor taste". If a
customer comes to Mr. Pearson with a complaint, he will just laugh
maniacally for hours on end, until the customer goes away. Despite these
quirks, Pearson exemplifies company pride, as seen in his infamous "chicken
pants". These are pants specially constructed to mimic the crispy coating
on Kentucky Fried Chicken (a subsidiary of Tricon), right down to the
smell. As a result, Pearson has to be kept away from all dogs, who will
attack him rabidly if they are put within 50 feet of his "chicken pants".
If he has to be around a dog, he will remove the pants, but will not wear
any other pants. "It's either the chicken pants or no pants at all", he
says. There is no love lost between Andrall Pearson and dogs, that's for
certain. One of his favorite pastimes, left over from his career as a
sharpshooter in the service, is to go down to Cherokee Park, get out a big
ol' sniper rifle, and shoot dogs. He'll stay out all day shooting dogs,
and then in the evening he will stick around and get his cock sucked. He
is always delighted when one of his many anonymous homosexual liasons
comments that his cock "tastes like Kentucky Fried Chicken". For these
reasons and many more, I believe that Andrall Pearson is is one of the 10
most eccentric personalities of this century.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #588 - WRITTEN BY: ASHTRAY HEART - 4/21/99 ]