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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #474 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "My Analytical Self" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Anjee !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 2/3/99 !!
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there are some days when i just sit there, waiting for things to
come to me. and i wait... wait, just a little longer. and while i wait
i ponder about the seemily large pile of god-knows-what that i claim to
be life. little girls and little boys walk right passed me, and they
don't have a clue about anything. they certainly aren't aware of my
stares inspecting them from their head to their tiny little toes. "so
innocent and pure," i think. although they may not be so innocent and
are probably not all that pure -- i don't know, because i am just gazing
at them. unfortunately (or fortunately), i do not have the power to see
into their lives.
that's when things begin to blur, as i get lost in my stares and
my thoughts drift to _my_ life and _my_ situations and _my_ problems and
my everything. that is, of course, if i have anything at all. one day
i have everything, then the next passes by and takes it all away.
leaving me empty, unfulfilled, unsatisfied, unhappy. unsane at times.
i proceed through my train of thought, unaware that my friend or sister
or brother or mother or father or enemy is desperately trying to free me
from my thoughts to inform me of something stupid thing that i didn't
want to know about.
they pursue their day, unknowing that they so easily led me away
from my thoughts. and i try to remember where i was, when another
struts by, just as i was begining to know what i was thinking of. i
acknowledge them with a nod and a forced smile. they approach me while
asking the typical conversation starter questions such as "what's up?" or
"how are you doing?". somehow i manage to blurt out an answer that
hopefully will not let them in on my situation. as instantaneously as
they appear, i glance at my watch (even if i dont have one), and announce
my duty of having to go see some random inexistant people.
i drag my feet and they slowly become little dots surrounded by
other little dots in a sea of dots. much further from my previous
position, i look around and see no one. sighing of relief, i pull up a
piece of grass and sit down. despite the fact that i walked a pretty
long way -- everything still seems so familiar. everything that i know,
that i have once upon a time already analysed is still there. and it
puzzles me! i begin to think that maybe i know my surroundings a little
too well.
i quickly look around me and think that perhaps i am still where
i always was, just a few feet away from that tree i was leaning against
a few minutes ago. maybe i did not move more than a few feet. maybe i
was not the one who looked at my watch (because i dont have one) and
quickly announced my departure. maybe those little kids, my sister or
brother or mother or father or <random person i know> did not come up to
me. maybe i went up to them. and they all walked off, going further in
life than i have ever went. maybe as i was stepping away from what
helped me stand comfortably, they made bigger steps and now are amazingly
far from what made them feel comfortable and stable. maybe i am slower
than the rest. maybe i just took the time to have a good look around me,
and as i did that, they pursued their journey in life.
forgetting about me.
forgetting about them.
forgetting their surroundings.
i lose myself in my un-'s, in-'s and maybe's. i carefully inspect
what i have so many times inspected before. and i feel lost, empty,
unfulfilled, unstatisfied and unhappy.
and and and..
maybe maybe maybe..
hopefully.
some other day,
on a better day.
think think think! ... where was i?
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #474, WRITTEN BY: ANJEE - 2/3/99 !!