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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #458 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Drunken Nice Guy Misogyny" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Rantaslin & Teerts !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/21/99 !!
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So, we went through just about half a case of Yuengling Black and
Tan before this was done. keep in mind, we're light-weights who cannot
really hold our allkeyholl... also, your drunken demeanor will invariably
change depending on those around you at the time.
Blah, and so I sit nice and toasty here nice and semi-toasty and
dehydrated, writing my second hoe article. And trying to think exactly
what I, should be writing about, since I'm sitting here in Teerts'
bedroom with a case of b&t at my feet, and Teerts sitting to my left
watching Dune, which I might add, drunk or sober, kicks some mighty good
ass. That aside, I'm going to try and explain why Teerts and I decided
to get drunk off our asses, watch movies, and pretty much say 'Fuck you
all, we're leaving.' It stems from the fact that both of us have been
pretty much fed up with people in general of late, especially the female
section of the species. Why? Well, suffice it to say, Teerts and I
exemplify the 'nice guys...last...' theme.
Now don't misunderstand, both of use are very modest. Everyday
we are told 'Oh, you're such a great guy.' or 'I don't know what I'd do
without you.' -- granted these are seemingly all seemingly very fucked
up reasons. I'm also very sure that the majority of our female audience
is somewhat pissed at me right now, but fuck that -- this has been my
experience, so while I go get some water so I don't keel over, I'll turn
this over to Teerts.
hee hee, a co-authored t-file... yeah, i'm sobering up right now
and that sucks, but mr. yuengling would be mad if I were to get too drunk
as to not finish the whole case without passing out or falling asleep.
anyway, yeah, this sucks, neh? the whole 'yeah, but...' or 'if it were
not for... then we would...' blah, blah, yeah... so it seems to me, in
this drunken stupor, that those of 'the fairer sex,' (as they're often
referred to) don't seem to mean what they say they mean as much as they
should, or rather, their state of meaning what they think they mean is in
constant flux. (know what i mean? hope you got all that.)
whereas in comparison, 'the brothas' (here being guys) seem to
more often than not, when not just out for some action, actually mean
what they say in a constant manner. might i add, the princess in dune,
played by virginia madsen, i think, is a real hottie. yeah, anyway
fuck me, i'm drunk so i'm gonna use it as an excuse for what I say.
rant and i are pretty much just disgruntled because being a nice
guy is such a pain in the ass. well, not really, just really trying on
patience and belief. it must rain on arrakis!@#. okay, must get more
beer, here is rantaslin again.
As Teerts guzzles down more B&T, and tries not to think of
anything and I sober up/rehydrate, we'll try and have some fun, so far
we've determined that:
1. Chicks are fucked up.
2. There's no real reason for it.
3. We're drunk, or getting there.
Now on with the show. Movie's over now, and might I add they
really butchered the book. So now that we know chicks are fucked up and
there's no reason for it, the question comes up: 'why do we even bother?'
the answer is simple. Cause we both figure that while now... why are we
watching Barbarella????... that in the long run... apparently because
she gets naked... it will pay off in some way. As such we see that we
have two choices, being the ages that we are, that:
1. We can become pricks and get chicks now.
2. We can become queer, get chicks to like us, but never get
chicks.
3. We can wait it out and see what happens.
Can't speak for Teerts, but #3 is for me. So, now that we
determined that I will wait it out, remaining a nice guy, and getting
fucked over (not literally) until I'm at least twenty-nine, my contacts
are drying out. And it goes back to Teerts to wrap it up.
maaan, i'm not drunk [enough?]. i say this because i have a doubt
concerning rant's statement about there being no reason for girls'
fuckedupedness (no, i don't think that's a real word). what possible
reasons could there be for this? all that i can think of at this
hazy time is either biological or social in foundation. btw, barbarella
is one f'd up movie... perpetual motion, gratuitous nudity, angry deadly
dolls, shag-carpeting, etc... god, i love 60s movies... hrrmph, i should
have gotten logan's run.
so, assuming 'the problem' is biologically based ('hormones' as we
'guys' so often say), it must adversely affect a part of the brain
where feelings and memory are connected. by the way, rant needs some
tail. the hormone's effect upon the brain causing memory loss is what
causes the problem in (sex therapy makes you fly, remember this)
communication between the sexes.
see, i'm not saying that the feelings conveyed by girls aren't
meant, but that the stability of the feeling, in general, isnt that
sound; the feeling will likely change and or just not be there
eventually... 'a good many dramatic situations begin with screaming' or
so the wisdom of barbarella teaches us. the social base of this may lie
in the semi-traditional female role in society. there is the subtle
aspect of this role which does involve influence over males. this is
seen anywhere one looks in today's western society. 'essence of man?!'
i'll say no more of that because, well, because i'm enough of a fool
already. plus, i'm drunk, so i don't really know wtf i'm talking about.
Thus ends our drunken tale, and begins our drunken stupor, both of
us are nearing that time were looking at any form of light hurts, so we
bid you adieu, till next time kiddies...
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!! (c) !HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #458 WRITTEN BY RANTASLIN & TEERTS, 1/21/99 !!