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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #448 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "What I Did During My Winter Break" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Girl From Mars !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/18/99 !!
!!========================================================================!!
Winter break is generally a much-anticipated time in the life of
a college student. Finals are over, and it's time to vegetate! Winter
break is a time to see all your old friends from high school as well,
and talk about old times. It's a time to do all the stuff you couldn't
get done during school, and maybe even get a job to make some money for
when you go back. Well, my winter break was like nothing i've ever
experienced. Of course, I did my share of vegetation (rarely) and
catching up with old friends (before they went on lovely trips to warm
places without me,) but I did one thing for the majority of my winter
break. You want to know what I did? Huh? You wanna know? All right,
here's what I did... FUCKIN' DISHES!!!
In my temporary home (long story,) there is a dishwasher, but we
use it to STORE our dishes, not wash them. Every morning, I awoke to
a sinkful of dishes, used for that morning's breakfast and thoughtfully
left for my washing pleasure. Most of the time, my parents and brother
had inexplicably gotten who-knows-what stuck to the dishes and of COURSE
they don't believe in soaking. How in the hell do you get whatever
you're making on the outside of the pot? I spent 20 minutes today
scraping hot cereal off the outside of a pot, and it motivated me to
write this. As I scraped and scraped, I started to have flashbacks to
a past life, past life as a serving wench in a medieval English
ale-house. I know my past life as a skivvy has supplied me with mad
diswashin' skillz, but why do I have to do it all the time? I know I'm
just being a whiny bitch, but it's ridiculous!
Do you know what washing dishes all day does to your hands? I
was a little disgruntled when one of my fingers got so dry it fell off,
but I kept on truckin' because I knew if I stopped the dishes would
just pile up like mad and I'd get in trouble. When the second finger
fell off, I complained, but my parents told me that losing fingers
doing dishes builds character. Always searching to build character, I
spent some more days a-washing.
After a while, I realized that there was a simple solution to my
digit-loss problem. I set to washing my dishes that day, and I got
really into it, pulling my sleeves up all the way and getting soaked up
to my shoulders. My arms got so dry from the soap and hot water that
they suffered the same fate as my fingers. Armless, I awaited the
evening. When night came, I popped my microwaveable pillow in the
microwave for longer than the recommended time. As I slept that night,
my microwaveable pillow resting on my chest, all its stored radiation
worked its magic. The next morning, when I woke up, I had two arms
again! Fuckin' brilliant!
Well, that's what I did on my winter break. Jealous?
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #448, WRITTEN BY GIRL FROM MARS, 1/18/99 !!