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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #416 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "A Package For a Girl" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Styx !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/10/99 !!
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Dear Melanie,
I am running on 3 hours of sleep so don't expect any of this to
make sense. I've got a big container full of coffee in front of me that
I brought here to work but I forgot that coffee makes me sick. Infact,
most things I eat or drink make me sick. My stomach hates everything
besides vodka, nicotine, and tangerines. Um.. I only said tangerines
because it rhymed with nicotine. I'm not complaining. I wish I could
go to sleep. I'm still not complaining.
I barely remember anything that's happened in the past year. It's
really unnerving. I feel like I'm finally waking up from _something_, I
just hope I won't want to go back to sleep afterwards.
I think that if you get flattered too much, you start to think you
can do no wrong. I'm not so sure flattery is such a good thing anymore.
An old friend of mine just stopped by to say hi. I wonder if he
feels better? I hate it when people do that.
"MATT!!! say something HAPPY!!!"
You know what would make me happy right this second? Being with
somebody that's capable of maintaining comfortable silences. For
instance, let's say I have a friend/girlfriend over and he/she is
sitting on my bed watching TV and I am sitting on the floor putting new
strings on my guitar, or *whatever*, and neither of us are talking or
even making eye-contact, yet we both feel secure enough in our
relationship that neither of us care. He/she enjoys the TV and I enjoy
my new guitar strings and both of us are content just to be in each
other's presence. That would be the best fucking relationship in the
world, but I doubt anybody is capable. Hell, I've never seen it; not
in friends or girlfriends or boyfriends or fathers or anything.
People are so wrapped up in the trivial details of their
relationships instead of being concerned about the important things. A
relationship is _two people co-existing comfortably_. That's all. It's
that simple. When one person begins to feel uncomfortable, the
relationship ends. That's all. It's that simple. Anything else is
irrelevant.
That's _all_. It's _that simple_.
Until you find somebody that you're consistently comfortable with,
all you're doing is playing the game. The worst part about it is that
it's necessary and inevitable. You either play the little games or
you're alone. I'm not sure which is worse.
Maybe the worst thing is to play the game _and_ be alone. You do
the whole socializing bit and you surround yourself with your boring,
shallow, useless friends, but you still end up alone at the end of the
night anyway and you do it on purpose.
I'm _still_ not complaining.
I'm progressing past all of this; at least, I've taken the first
few steps. "All is fair in love and war." Whoever said that was right.
If things don't work out, you step right over it. It isn't callous or
heartless, it's just making sure that you come out of things alright.
The _last_ thing it is is "selfish," quote unquote. Since when did
self-preservation become self-ish, anyway? I must've missed that
meeting.
It's too bad everyone is such a physical whore. Most relationships
I've witnessed _began_ with sex. What the hell? Isn't sex sacred
anymore? Whatever happened to our priorities and morals? There's
barely anyone left.
What gets me the most are the people who wait two or three weeks
before having sex with each other and they think they're hot shit for
waiting that long; no, they're just as disgusting as the people who fuck
on the first day. The only difference is the time. I'm not saying
there's a specific time frame that applies to every relationship as far
as when having sex goes, but three weeks? That's called being a whore
in my world.
I wish I could just go home and sleep. I'm so tired.
You know, in the relationship I had before, we waited _twenty-two_
months before sleeping with each other. It was because we had morals
and stable priorities. As cataclysmic as the relationship turned out to
be in the end, we *always* respected ourselves and each other when it
came to sex. That doesn't mean I'm better than anyone else, but shit,
maybe it does. Can you think of any guy you know that would wait
twenty-two months, Melanie?
Yet it seems that once somebody loses their virginity, they feel
that there's no more sense in waiting with anybody else. They've
already had sex so there's no boundaries; it's easy, now. Idiots! They
just don't understand and they never will because they're too busy
fucking people and watching TV to stop for a moment and _think_. AIDS
is a blessing. I praise it for knocking these assholes off (credit;
Jeff Koyen).
You think Montel Williams is going to keep your legs shut, Melanie?
How about music? Your poetry? Mommy? You act on instinct without
second thought, just like the rest of them.
So here's your fucking package I promised to send. Enclosed with
this letter is ground sirloin steak sealed in a ziplock bag. Take a
long, hard look at it, Melanie, because that's all you've made yourself
out to be -- raw meat. I've named it "human." Take care of it, and
don't let it spoil! Spoiled humans give off a foul scent...
- Matt
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #416, WRITTEN BY: STYX - 1/10/99 !!