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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #405 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "My Microwaveable Pillow" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Girl from Mars !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/7/99 !!
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An ex-boyfriend of mine gave me a gift before I left for college.
I was none too pleased about this but I accepted anyway, being the good
sport that I am. The gift was a pillow that you can put in the
microwave, and it retains heat. It has a brownish beige-ish cotton
cover, and the inside is this large beanbag-like structure filled with
rice. One is supposed to put it in one's bed, and it is supposed to
keep the bed, and the person, warm. As a heat addict, I loved this
gift. It was a great joy to me every night to put the pillow in the
microwave for three to four minutes in order to have some heat on me.
I know i'm a sick sick bastard, but deal with it.
This pillow has seen me through some rough times, granted. When
I'm particularly ill-humored and dour, it provides me with the comfort
that could only otherwise be provided by a hug. The steamingly hot
pillow has provided relief from minor aches and pains, and has provided
comfort when I needed it most. That is more than I can say for some
people I know! My pillow had often served as a substitute for having
someone lie next to me, and I often enjoyed the fact that my pillow
never made asinine remarks or was pretentious.
I have had many adventures and misadventures with my warm
pillowy companion. My freshman year roommate "hid" a plastic easter egg
in my pillow. This little secret unknown to me, I put the pillow in
the microwave as per usual, and ended up burning the crap out of my
hand with melted plastic. I was none too pleased. I had no choice but
to bludgeon her with my pillow, it hurts when you're hit with it! After
she stopped crying and just lay there unconscious, I spat on her and
said "Don't mess with the microwaveable pillow."
My actions shocked me, I had never behaved in such a manner
before. I am usually a peaceful woman, my anger usually manifesting
itself in words rather than violence. I began to notice changes in my
temper, and my headaches became more and more frequent. I never thought
to connect that with the fact that I slept with something that had been
in the microwave every night. My mood swings continued, and one day I
noticed a strange growth on myself. It seemed I was growing another
arm! The radioactivity that emanated from the pillow on a nightly
basis had spurred the growth of a superfluous arm!
I'm dealing with this affliction quite admirably, I've not been
less clumsy though. A third arm is incredibly useful, you would be
surprised. Imagine being able to hold the door open while you've got
two arms full of groceries or something like that! My guitar-playing
skills have greatly improved, I'm doing things that no one else can.
I also continually enjoy the comforts of my warm microwaveable pillow.
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #405, WRITTEN BY: GIRL FROM MARS, 1/7/99 !!