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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #350 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "The Origin of Euphoria" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> AnonGirl !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/16/98 !!
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"Mom!! I saw the Easter Bunny come and leave our baskets for us
last night!"
"Sure you did, honey, sure you did."
"No I swear! He was there!"
"I know, dear."
Fact is, the kid really DID see the Easter Bunny last night.
Many people have called me insane for the theory I'm about to
present, but fuck 'em, cause I believe it. Don't worry, it's very okay
not to believe what I'm going to say, because in "reality", it does sound
entirely ridiculous. This is really just one of my not-so-intelligent
conspiracy theories I made up when I was 16, probably stoned out of my
mind.
Children are baked.
You see, when a child is conceived, there's a certain chemical
mixture that occurs inside the womb. Depending on what food and drink
the mother consumes, and if she drinks alcohol, does drugs, or smokes
cigarettes during her pregnancy, the child can be anywhere from slightly
buzzed to baked off of their asses. If Mom eats strange foods and
ingests a lot of caffeine, the kid'll be 'kinda feelin it' until age 9
or 10. However, if Mom is a former wild child and takes in all sorts of
booze and cigarettes, the kid will be tripping hard until they're about
11 or 12. That's why some kids tend to be more creative and imaginative
than others. The kids who lose their buzz by 9 or 10 also lose a good
percentage of their imagination. If Mom was a druggie while pregnant,
it's a high chance she'll have a Ritalin kid, which are the kids who are
so completely wrecked that they can't even control themselves; they
can't grip reality. They're pretty much screwed until 13 or 14.
"Daddy! There's a monster under my bed! It's going to eat me!"
"Har, har, son! What a wild imagination you've got!"
"NO DAD SERIOUSLY!#!@! IT'S GONNA GET ME! HE'S REAL!!"
The dialogue above is a prime example of the oh-so-common
"Bad Trip". Everyone has them, you can't avoid them, not now, and not
then. The terrifying feelings of paranoia sink in very well, especially
when you're high and alone in a dark place. I've bad tripped several
times during classroom video or slide show presentations. But as soon
as I made it to the hallway, I'd be fine, just as the kid who's afraid
of the monster coming to get him from under his bed is okay once the
light is turned on.
Most people wish they could return to their childhoods. Really,
if we weren't all baked back then, would we really have bought the idea
of a jolly fat man in a red suit sliding down our chimneys (even if
some of us lived in apartments) and leaving us all these awesome toys
under a pine tree covered in *cOoL sPaRkLy ThInGs* and shiney balls??
Or some old lady coming in who collects TEETH from under our pillows?
Or a gigantic bunny (which, to me, is terrifying) hiding baskets of
chocolate eggs and other candies in our homes? And what about that
whole thing about this God guy up in the sky who created everything and
lives in the clouds?? What's up with THAT?!
I respect religion though, don't get me wrong.
Naturally, one's first thought when their buzz is slowly coming
down, is 'I need to get more!!'. So, when the buzz starts coming down,
we bring it up again by manually filling the emptying holes in our souls
with "illegal narcotics" so we can try and go back to our childhoods
once again. Unfortunately, with the invention of science, came madmen
(they've always been around, but for some odd reason a hell of a lot of
them tend to steer towards science.. trust me..). These madmen kept on
asking 'What if?' and would increase the dosages and types of drugs
around, leaving them addictive, extremely hallucogenic, and even harmful.
But that's not the reason why all of these Partnerships and cops are
pushing for a Drug-Free America, no, no. Considering the governments
don't want the free world to be HAPPY, they must rid the world of these
"harmful drugs", to ensure public misery.
Canadian cigarette packs (which provide AWESOME filter
cardboard), Pixie Sticks and Alice in Wonderland were made for a reason!
Okay, so I'm crazy. Shoot me.
The next time you're wondering why your childhood memories have
become "hazy", think about it. :)
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #350 - WRITTEN BY: ANONGIRL - 12/16/98 !!