💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › HOE › hoe-0318.txt captured on 2022-06-12 at 12:26:13.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #318 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Twenty Ways to Deal With Being Dumped" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Cyn !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/9/98 !!
!!========================================================================!!
1. Say "FUCK" a lot.
2. Throw your keys on the floor. Accidentally break your key
chain. Reflect on the fact that your key chain said "LOVE"
and how this makes the whole thing just like a cheesy movie.
3. Start smoking again, even though you quit a month ago.
Feel bad because you're smoking.
4. Wallow in self pity. Declare your room a Self Pity Safe
Space. Spend fifteen minutes making an elaborate sign that
says "Self Pity Safe Space" for your door in crayon. Tell
everyone about how you're wallowing.
5. Garner sympathy from your friends.
6. Talk about how this always happens to you.
7. Decide that no one will ever love you.
8. Talk a lot about how no one will ever rilly love you.
9. Decide you didn't rilly like the person that much, anyway.
10. Say bitter, rude things about them at every opportunity.
11. Tell all your friends about how idyllic their lives are
compared to yours. Harp on this a lot. Act surprized that
they don't appreciate it.
12. Talk about how the next person you date is going to be
better than them. Say things like, "The next person I date
will live on North Campus! And they'll be much cuter! And
they will never ever ever say the word issues!"
13. Talk about how there's no one to date on this campus.
14. Take the Self Pity Safe Space sign off your door.
15. Announce loudly that you are over it.
16. Frequently relapse into bitterness.
17. Talk about just how over it you are.
18. Explain how happy you are that they dumped you, because now
you won't have to deal with them anymore.
19. Tell everyone it was for the best.
20. Wallow in self pity some more.
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #318 - WRITTEN BY: CYN - 12/9/98 !!