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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTACY PRESS RELEASE #273 !!
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "6 Things That Are Always Funny" !!
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Mogel !!
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/6/98 !!
!!========================================================================!!
We here at HOE known what it takes to make people laugh. Often
I've heard the question asked, "Mogel, other e'zines seem to accept
virtually *anything* submitted to them, but it appears as though HOE has
some real standards for quality." Truer words have not been spoken.
With such a challege that HOE writers must undergo when preparing
an article, I usually recommend that they make their articles consist of
one of the following topics, because these 6 writing styles are always
funny at all times. I hope this helps out you "wannabe" HOE writers out
there!
Funny Thing #1: Chat Logs
=========================
We here at HOE absolutely LOVE your "wacky antics" from AOL chat
or IRC or ICQ or whatever! It's always worth the read!
Here's an example!:
Watch me pretend to be a girl! Heehee!
*** Fred is now known as Iamagirl!
<Iamagirl> how r u?
<Perkybutt> I'm fine.
<Iamagirl> would you like sum cyber luvin'???
<Perkybutt> Well, since I'm sitting here in the cybersex channel and I
really have nothing better to do, sure, but you better not be a
guy imitating a girl!
Heehee! I WAS!! Aren't netsex people dumb!? Heehee!
Funny Thing #2: Top 10 Lists
============================
Yes, of all those insightfully witty things that your "friends"
forward you!! A prime, very witty example would be those David
Letterman ripoff top ten lists! God, those just crack me up!
Here's an example!:
"Top Ten Ways To Annoy People In The Computer Lab"
10. Finish your paper for class.
9. Imagine that your mouse once belonged to Kenneth Starr.
8. Decide what you want to eat for lunch.
7. Leave when it's time to go to class. When class is over, come back and
work silently.
6. Ask the person next to you what time it is. If they tell you what time
it is, say "Thanks."
5. Load up Netscape.
4. If something breaks on your computer, ask the supervisor to fix it.
Remember to be polite.
3. Check your e-mail. If you've received any forwarded "joke" mail,
delete them.
2. Don't cough.
1. Play either solitare or minesweeper (whichever is less stressful
for you).
Funny Thing #3: TOTALLY SILLY POETRY
====================================
Come on, all of us have that witty, jokester poet just waiting
inside. You could be the next Voltaire!
Here's an example!:
"There is Anarchy in the Summerfields"
by Wolf E. Preston
The soybeans
are Socialist Democract
with each
growing to a uniform height
never wanting
greater height than neighbor plants
The corn
a Monarchy,
tall, proud but thin, fragile;
standing on dirt
Wheat is Communist
using the manifesto wind
as an excuse
to wave in unison,
but only managing an occasional ripple
Green Beans
are Democracy
thinking they can grow
as long as they want, but
just getting tangled
in each other's vines
Funny Thing #4: South Park References
=====================================
You know, I have to say it, no matter how many times I hear
expressions like "I WANT CHEESY POOFS!", "MR. SHIT THE CHRISTMAS SHIT!",
and "THEY KILLED KENNY!", I can no longer control myself. My sides begin
to split and I lose oxygen in my brain.
Funny Thing #5: Computer jokes
==============================
Jokes about Microsoft! Re-written songs with computer buzzwords!
PUNS! Come on, everyone, let's embrace our computer culture TOGETHER
with lots of unbridled laughter.
Here's an example!:
- "Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?"
- "Why Bill Gates Sucks A Lot More Than Even AOL!!!"
- "New Terrible Virus Released: Microsoft!!!"
- "Apple Smells, written to the tune of Jingle Bells!"
- % cat: cannot open food
Funny Thing #6: Overtly Childish Humor
======================================
Quite honestly, nothing gets more funny than the excessive use of
such giggle-magnets as having sex, going to the bathrom, racism, child
molestation, homosexuality, and farting.
Here's an example!:
"Mr. Turd meets Poop-Bowl"
by DethKiller
MT: No! Don't eat me Poop-Bowl!
PB: I can't help it! You're falling right into my mouth! Mmm, do you taste
good!
MT: But I don't want to be eaten!
[Strawberry Shortcake pops out of Poop-Bowl's mouth.]
SS: I am tasty-sweet! Love me!
PB: Get back down there, whore!
MT: Can I love you, Strawberry Shortcake? Join me in mischeivous romantic
exploration.
SS: Mmm! Poop-cock!
PB: NIGGER! FART!
[Everyone lives happily ever after.]
!!========================================================================!!
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #273 -- WRITTEN BY: MOGEL -- 11/6/98 !!